


How We Fell

by Otoko_no_Tsuki



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Eventual Relationships, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 72,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otoko_no_Tsuki/pseuds/Otoko_no_Tsuki
Summary: Mo Guanshan, He Tian and Zhan Zheng Xi are all in high school together, closer and better friends since Jian Yi's disappearance spending every Saturday together playing video games but now there is something bringing that to an end. Mo Guanshan's father is out of prison and now can have him for three days out of the week, taking him away from his friends on the weekend. He was so sure his dad was out of his life for good and now tensions are high. Relationships become stronger between friends and even rise to the idea of lovers. It becomes difficult though when the past with his father is much more than complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

It had become a habit to play video games over at Zhengxi’s house when high school came around and Jian Yi disappeared. He Tian mentioned how he must be lonely without his best friend around so him and Mo Guanshan dedicated almost every Saturday to hang out with him.  
It wasn’t so bad really. Over the years Mo and He Tian got along better as friends and Zhengxi wasn’t so bad himself. He never really talked much but that is refreshing compared to how much He Tian talks. Even now he is complaining about the game he sucks at playing, never being one too skilled in the art of video games.  
He Tian is close to being out of school, Mo and Zhengxi not too far behind him. It’s weird how quickly time has passed even with Jian Yi gone. The atmosphere sure is different though.  
Today is not like most Saturdays; it’s quieter, the only sound coming from the TV, sounds of shots firing from the video game as well as cursing from He Tian because he keeps dying. The redhead isn’t playing today so he just listens to the guns firing and Zhengxi telling He Tian how much he sucks.

“Alright then,” He Tian smiles but is clearly annoyed. He pauses the game from Zhengxi’s controler. “I give up. Momo, you want in?”

Mo looks down at the controler that He Tian holds up to him from the floor as he sits on the bed hugging his legs to his chest.

“No thanks,” He mutters. There is something on his mind that he hasn’t really been wanting to bring up. He didn’t want to ruin Saturday video games even if what is going on is pretty serious. Everything battling inside Mo Guanshan’s mind is dulling the fun today is supposed to bring. His tone also didn’t save him from a confused stare from He Tian.

“You okay?” He asks with a raised brow. Usually Mo would jump at the chance to show him how this game is properly played. Mo has always been great at video games.

“It’s nothing,” Mo waves off not wanting to get into it. “You guys keep playing.”

A big, dramatic sigh leaves He Tian’s mouth as he drops the controler and hops on the bed next to the ginger. He looks at him like he is waiting for something but Mo keeps his face away from the other. He doesn’t want to talk about this right now; he doesn’t want to talk about this at all.  
Zhengxi is ignoring them, setting the game on single player so he can play by himself and maybe actually win for once. He knows how these two can get and he doesn’t care to see it no matter how much they deny that they aren’t together. He Tian’s handsy the same way Jian Yi was with him so he gets what’s happening there and it’s been going on for years.

“Come on, Don’t Close,” He Tian nudges him gently, teasing the redhead with that stupid nickname. Honestly he prefers Momo - at least that one his mother calls him, “tell me what’s going on with you.”

“It’s nothing, He Tian,” He grumbles trying to keep his anger on a low simmer but he keeps pushing.

“Is it cause Zhengxi’s here?” He Tian asks, “should I make him leave? Then will you tell me?”

“It’s my room asshole,” Zhengxi says as he continues to play his game not even turning to the two that are on his bed. He Tian just rolls his eyes looking back to Mo Guanshan.

“Come on,” He Tian keeps trying to pry. “You’re not usually like this on Saturdays.”

In all honestly, He Tian is worried for Mo Guanshan and the redhead is aware of this. He knows his friend’s intentions and he has gotten a lot better with personal space since middle school but that doesn’t stop him from being so...He Tian. He still pries, still gets up in his business it’s just not as often. He cares and he shows it in that annoying, nagging sense but in a way it’s good to have a friend like him. He actually likes listening to Mo’s problems even if he teases him sometimes.

Mo lets out a sigh, “It’s...my dad.” He finally says looking anywhere but the two other boys in the room.

Zhengxi continues to play his video game but he raises a brow. “The one in jail?” He asks not too concerned. His life in on the line in this level.

“Yeah,” Mo mutters already pretty done with this topic. He didn’t even want to talk about it; not now at least.

“What about him?” Zhengxi asks as He Tian just sits and listens.

It’s not normal for him to be this quiet and it’s making Guanshan a tad bit uneasy. He has told him about his dad, why he is in jail and why he hates him so much. Automatically He Tian hated the man too and that brought a smile to the redhead’s face back at that time. He Tian always tried his best to be a great friend and it was fun to watch his attempt and it was even nicer to see him be successful.

“He uh…” Mo trails off, trying to think of how to say this. He doesn’t look up at He Tian because he knows what face he is going to see, “He’s out of jail; has been for a while now and he um...starting next weekend I have to be with him at his place for the whole weekend.”

Zhengxi pauses his game now, turning to the two on his bed. “So he has partial custody of you now?” Mo nods. “Even after what he did?”

“Yeah.”

“Why doesn’t your mother bring this to court?” He Tian asks with that familiar tinge of protectiveness in his voice. This is what Mo Guanshan was afraid of. He knew he would have to tell him eventually because this means their Saturdays all together will be ending but this isn’t exactly how he wanted to deliver the news.

“It was the court that said I had to do this,” Mo admits glumly. He hasn’t brought any of this up to anybody in hopes it would all blow over but of course that’s not what happened.

“So how long do you have to be with your dad?” Zhengxi asks. It’s weird to have friends with absent fathers, him being the only one with one that actually cares about him. Jian Yi’s dad was never around and he is pretty sure he didn’t have a dad. He Tian’s dad isn’t around and doesn’t seem to care. For God’s sake he lives alone in his Uncle’s penthouse. But Mo? God this kid has it rough.

“After school Friday then through to Sunday and I come home to my mom that night.” he explains. Mo hugs his legs closer to his chest feeling worse now that he has brought this to attention.

Zhengxi seems confused about this situation, unsure of what to say to console the ginger. He Tian though, he has that look like he is trying to hold his anger back but it shows all over his face. Mo looks at him waiting for him to say something, anything really. Even if it’s yelling he wants to hear what he has to say.  
The friendship between these two isn’t a normal friendship. They still combat like they did in middle school, mostly Mo Guanshan just getting upset at He Tian’s smart ass ways but then they still hang out and do things together the way he would with anyone else he is friends with. Also, the flirting hasn’t stopped on He Tian’s end but Mo writes it off as a joke because he is well aware there is something going on between him and Kuai Hua - a girl that goes to their school. Clearly there is nothing more between them than friendship. He Tian seemed to understand that once middle school passed. Still, he likes to mess with the redhead.

“So you’re just gonna go?” He Tian asks clearly unhappy.

“I don’t have much of choice until I’m of age,” Mo complains. It’s not like he wanted this. He has been perfectly happy living with his mother with his deadbeat dad out of the picture. “What has your dick hair in a twist?”

He Tian sits up straight on the bed, his frown turning up into a smirk. “Oh nothing,” he says with a tone cheery but it’s fake. Mo picks up on that. “I don’t care if you’re going to live with your abusive father for three days out of the week. It’s not my life on the line.”

“He Tian,” Zhengxi challenges making the taller male turn to him, his expression dark once more. “Come on, have a heart.”

Mo Guanshan sits on the bed, closing in on himself. That comment wasn’t expected and surely wasn’t needed. He understands He Tian’s anger considering everything he has ever said about his dad to him in the past. Still, he didn’t need that.

“Fuck you. He Tian.” Mo mumbles not looking at him as the raven haired male stands from the bed.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” He Tian asks pretending he didn’t hear him.

“I said fuck you!” he yells now making Zhengxi roll his eyes. It wouldn’t be a real Saturday without the two of them having some sort of argument.

“If you really want to, I have an empty apartment.” He Tian teases causing the redhead to blush and get angrier.

“Why are you such a pervert?” He yells at him getting out of his position of hugging his legs. No matter how long he knows He Tian he swears he will never understand him. Not in a million years.

He Tian sighs, moving his black hair out of his eyes. “I’m heading home.” He announces, wanting no more of this conversation. “If you need me Mountain, you have my number.”

The two boys watch He Tian leave, Zhengxi sighing not being able to understand why these two need to be so childish. Sure they’re his friends but he doesn’t get how he handles them all the time. It makes him wonder how the hell he ever handled Jian Yi. At least they never fought when he was around, it was usually just fun or awkward. The worst thing were tears...lots of them. Zhengxi shakes his head trying to get it out of his mind.

“That bastard,” Mo growls, fists clenched on the bed. “He was my ride home.”

Zhengxi smiles. No matter how bad things get between those two they don’t forget about their friendship (even if He Tian did just get up and leave). It reminds him of so long ago when he had a best friend. Damn, he doesn’t even have that anymore.

“I’ll drive you home,” Zhengxi tells him getting up from his spot on the floor. He doesn’t mind all that much.

Most of the drive to Guanshan’s apartment is quiet with the faint sound of the radio being the only thing to fill the car with noise. Mo looks out the window wondering if he should call He Tian or not to talk about this. He knew he wouldn’t be happy but he didn’t think he would get this cold. Mo looks to Zhengxi who is quiet, stone-faced as usual. In some ways he reminds him of himself but there are still a lot of differences. This guy actually has a heart of gold.  
How they started to get along was all because of Jian Yi. Mo remembers that much at least. He remembers Jian Yi making He Tian get them all together at his apartment to eat whatever Mo would be willing to cook that day. Slowly they began to get along, at points Mo was even okay inviting Jian Yi over his house to hang out. He was a good guy and it was easy to understand why him and Zhengxi were friends.  
It was easy to get along with Jian Yi. His smile was uncomfortably contagious and his attitude towards everything was rather hilarious. There was a lot of sadness under that happiness though and Mo always wondered if Zhengzi could see that. Just like he wonders if He Tian can see through Mo’s anger. It’s really sadness underneath.

“Can I ask you something?” Mo Guanshan asks into the silence.

Zhengxi looks to him from the wheel quickly then looks back to the road. “What is it?”

Mo isn’t sure how to word this. He moves his eyes back and forth at the floor of the car trying to piece it together. “When you and Jian Yi were friends,” he starts making Zhengxi stiffen at the mention of his name, “could you tell when you hurt him? When you said something hurtful could you see it on his face even when he pretended to be happy?”

 

Every day.

What kind of question is that? Zhengxi’s grip on the steering wheel tightens as he bites his tongue. The mentions of Jian Yi don’t come up often simply out of respect. Mo and He Tian know how much it bothers him to think about. One time He Tian said something about Jian Yi enjoying something that they were doing and Zhengxi had a very rare outburst. Quickly talks of the blonde stopped and weren’t talked about unless it was inevitable.

“Why are you asking this?” is his response.

“It’s hard to explain.” Mo admits feeling bad for having to bring up the missing best friend. It really doesn’t get easier for Zhengxi.

“Are you wondering if He Tian knows when he’s hurting you,” Zhengxi clarifies so they don’t have to keep talking about Jian Yi. “even when you’re yelling at him to cover up what you’re really feeling?”

Mo hesitates. He was not expecting to get caught so easily. He seems to be taking too long to answer so Zhengxi just answers the question himself.

“Look,” he sighs, “He Tian is the kind of guy to get cranky when he doesn’t get his way but he is also the kind of guy who is insanely protective of his friends. He cares about you so much that he doesn’t care if he pisses you off when he’s honest or being an asshole.”

“That doesn’t exactly answer my question.” Mo points out even though what the brunette is saying makes him feel a little bit better.

“I think he knows when he upsets you,” Zhengxi says. “You’re his closest friend. And I don’t think he likes doing it and sometimes he has a hard time facing his mistakes. That’s the kind of person he is.”

The redhead thinks about this and he figures it makes sense. He remembers after the time He Tian had kissed him back in middle school He Tian seemed like he wasn’t in the wrong. He acted shocked that someone had rejected him. Then he actually went through a whole elaborate thing, rescuing Mo from Shi Li not really facing what he had done but apologizing in a very He Tian way. That’s who he is and that may be how he always is.  
Zhengxi pulls up to Mo’s apartment building bringing their little heart to heart to it’s end.

“Thanks,” Mo says unbuckling his seatbelt. He might as well get out of there as quickly as he can and not make things weirder than they are. Him and Zhengxi may be friends but they don’t usually spend time together by themselves.

“Don’t let He Tian get to you,” Zhengxi warns. “You’ll just exhaust yourself.”

Mo nods. He has heard this advice before but not letting that boy get to him is still a challenge.  
The redhead parts with Zhengxi, waving him goodbye as he drives down his street. He watches until the car disappears before he goes inside. A lonesome apartment is waiting for him, his mom working late today. Usually his Saturdays at Zhengxi's last much longer but it was cut short due to that stupid news he had. If only he could had told He Tian the way he wanted; later and with his mom around. He Tian doesn't tend to have outbursts around her because he thinks of her as a mom and she thinks of him as a son. They actually had a plan to tell him together but now that isn't an option.  
Hours go by and Mo had made himself dinner and even drew himself a bath so he could have a relaxing soak before he decided to call He Tian or not. It's always an internal battle to contact that guy and it drives Mo crazy how much he actually does let He Tian get to him. Ever since they were young every little thing He Tian did got on the redhead's nerves. Half the time all he had to do was exist in order to drive Mo crazy. He still doesn't get why he feels that way around him.  
The steam from the bath coats the room in foggy mist making Mo a bit drowsy, the bath beads he used not helping in the matter. He is tired, it's been quite the week with school, the court hearing and now this. Mo may be pissed at He Tian right now but he knows for a fact he is going to miss that idiot while he is gone on the weekends. He may be a jerk but he is his friend.

When did they even become friends?

_"Know I'm only here because I have nothing better to do." Mo had told He Tian on a day he asked him over for dinner and a movie which of course the redhead would be cooking._

_"Yeah," He Tian chuckled, "whatever you say."_

_Mo growled lowly cursing himself that he had even agreed to come by. This guy is a creep, kissing him, then beating up Shi Li for him then back to being a creep by sending a picture of his...thing. Weirdo._

_"Hey, I had this great idea," He Tian smiled at Mo's back as they made their way to the kitchen. "Why don't you teach me how to cook!"_  
_"What?" Mo yelled at him. That isn't a great idea at all. It sounds like a hassle. "Are you crazy? You'll burn the place down!"_

_"Hey," He Tian pouted, getting closer to Guanshan in a way that made the redhead uncomfortable, "that's not very nice. You could find I'm actually really talented."_

_Mo sighed heavily finally agreeing to teach the bastard. They were making something that Mo has made countless amounts of times here: beef stew and this being He Tian's favorite dish he should know how to cook it. Besides, he had watched the ginger make it a lot, always hanging around pretty closely and curiously._  
_Now Mo had He Tian cutting the vegetables and he couldn't help but chuckle to himself when he heard the taller male cursing under his breath after every little mistake me made. It wasn't easy for him to cut the way Mo taught him and it was kind of hilarious._

_"What if you get semi-decent at cooking?" The redhead asked, half joking keeping his eyes on the pot, stirring absent-mindedly. "Will you not need me anymore?"_

_The question had come out in a rather sad tone making He Tian turn back and give a confused expression._

_"Oh," He cooed mockingly, walking up behind Guanshan to wrap his arms around his waist. Mo's face heats up almost immediately. "I will always need you, Mountain." He whispers into his ear._

_He Tian snuggled his head against the redhead's short hair and the smaller male was steaming like a kettle._

_“Get off of me you fucker!" he yelled flailing his arms making He Tian laugh at him. It's always so easy to get him riled up. "God! Is that how you treat your friends?"_

_The taller male leaned against the counter, arms crossed as he studied Mo's features, his stance, everything about his body. He was rather surprised to hear that word come out of his mouth._

_"So I'm officially your friend, huh?" He Tian asked smirking wildly. He never thought he could get the redhead to break. "What an honor."_

_Mo Guanshan growled at him, glared at him, blushing like a madman being more than embarrassed. Friends? Is that what they were? Mo had been going over a lot more often to cook for him, sometimes going out with Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi as well. Friends? Sure, that's what they were._

_"Don't ruin it, asshole." Mo grumbled but all that meant was He Tian had one. Mo Guanshan is his friend._

'So that's it, huh?' Mo thinks to himself. 'When I taught him how to cook? Guess it's my fault then since I agreed and all. Wow I'm stupid.'

The redhead wraps himself in a towel once he is finished with his bath. Leaving the washroom he is hit with a wave of cold so he doesn't waste any time getting to his room to get comfortable in his pajamas. When he shuts the door behind him he notices his phone vibrating on his night stand, moving slightly from the power of the vibrations. He quickly picks it up when he sees the name showing up on the screen: He.

"Hello?" Mo says rather shocked "Hey He Tian says not sounding completely thrilled. How wonderful. There is a second of silence between them on the phone.

"Did you want something?" Mo asks, glaring. He can hear He Tian heave in a sigh on the other end.

"What's up?" He asks instead of an apology that is much more needed than a what's up.

Mo Guanshan breathes in through his nose trying to remember what Zhengxi told him. He can't let He Tian get to him so easily or else he is just going to exhaust himself.

"I just got out of the tub," He says instead of going off on the idiot. Tolerating him may just be getting easier.

"Ooh," He Tian hums in that stupid pervy voice he uses when he teases the ginger. Mo blushes, cursing himself for actually saying that. He should know by now. "Did I miss anything fun?"  
Mo flops onto his bed forgetting about clothes for a second so he can concentrate on the moron who is on the other line. "Do you always have to be such a perv?" He sighs.

"If I wasn't, I wouldn't be the He Tian you know and love now would I?" He continues to tease and it isn't making this conversation any easier. Mo does laugh though. He Tian is getting better at making him laugh.

"Let's get something straight, asshole," He laughs into the phone, "I don't love you."

“How disappointing,” He Tian purs with a smirk hidden within his tone. “You could find I make a promising lover.”

This “flirting” thing never really does stop with this guy and over the years Mo has learned to take it more in a joking manner. Only sometimes though because there are points when He Tian crosses the line and since he started fooling around with that girl he doesn’t have the right to make such suggestions.

“Do you think Kuai Hua would like you saying things like that to me?” Mo asks thinking he has him cornered but he hears a chuckle.

“Do you still think her and I are a couple?” He Tian replies, his tone rather challenging.

There are so many things about this guy that Guanshan still doesn’t understand. He Tian and Kuai Hua have been a thing since the beginning of the his final year. The whole school knew about them, loved them and all Mo would hear was her and her friends talking about how great of a guy He Tian is. If they aren’t a couple, what the hell were they?

“I’m not blind.” Mo tells him seeming upset.

There’s a pause on the other line. “You seem unhappy about that.” He Tian points out which only makes the redhead glare even more. “Kuai Hua is nothing but a close friend. She’s just like you.”

“You sleep with her!” Mo yells reaching the peak of annoyed. “You don’t sleep with me!”

“That could change.” He Tian half jokes.

Mo’s face goes red and he suddenly remembers just how naked he is. He gets up from the bed to find some sweatpants and ignore the disturbing images that are in his head. He holds the phone between his ear and shoulder so his hands are free.

“Seriously,” Mo growls, “why are you such a perv?”

“Just thought it would be a nice going away present.” He Tian continues to tease. “Sleeping with me would be a great parting gift, don’t you think?”

Mo closes his eyes, inhaling a deep sigh once he finishes putting on some sweatpants. He holds the phone back in his hand, ignoring what He Tian just said deciding it’s time to bring up the bad news again.

“He Tian, I leave next Friday,” He says carefully and the one on the other end goes silent so Mo takes the chance to say what he needs to say. “I didn’t want to tell you at Zhengxi’s. My mother and I - we were going to tell you together. And I know you’re not happy but-”

“Just call if you need me.” He Tian cuts him off, voice serious yet gentle. It makes Mo rather nervous.

“What?” He asks like he didn’t hear him.

“I can’t stop you,” He says, “and I sure as hell can’t stop the courts so if you need me, if anything happens, call me, text me, Skype me - I’ll be there.”

Guanshan stands in the middle of his room and he feels his lips tremble as it perks up into a smile. He Tian really does care, huh? Even in the small chance of a problem he will be there for him and it feels good but something hurts. It’s fear. Fear that what He Tian is thinking will happen and he sure doesn’t feel safe. Still...he has He Tian.

“Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, second chapter is up and ready to go! Let me know what you think!

“Hello, auntie,” He Tian delivers carefully, wrapping Mo Guanshan’s mother’s in a hug, taking notice of her expression as soon as she opened the door to him.

 

Today is the day Mo goes away and it’s a bit hard on everyone. He Tian and Zhengxi agreed to come by around four after school got out. Mo Guanshan’s dad won’t be here until around six so this is their going away party in a way. No one is handling this harder than Guanshan’s mother either and as He Tian holds her he can feel her sob into his chest. It breaks his heart.

 

“Oh shh, auntie,” He comforts her softly, “it’s going to be okay.”

 

“He Tian,” she cries into the young boy’s chest, holding tightly onto his back, “you don’t know what he’s like. I’m afraid to even have you meet him today.”

 

Silence falls between them, nothing but that light sobbing from the small woman crying. All He Tian does and rub his hands up and down her back, lulling her into a calmer breath as his fingertips stroke her spine. She sighs into He Tian's chest harshly trying her best to get herself together on such a day.

“I’m so worried about him.” She whispers and it’s clear she speaks of her son now. He Tian gets why she is nervous for him but there is nothing to fear.

 

He Tian sighs heavily through his nose, pulling her to arms length. “Look at me,” He smiles showing no signs of what he is really feeling beneath the surface. He has always been good at hiding what he is truly feeling until it all bubbles and becomes just too much. For now he can keep the facade. “I’m here, don’t you be forgetting that now. I already told him that if anything happens to call me.”

 

She smiles. “How could I forget,” she sniffles trying to relax. She knows He Tian is a good soon to be man, he proves it everyday. “My Momo is in good hands with you.”

 

“Completely.” He grins down at her. “I promise to take care of him.”

 

A light laugh escapes Mo’s mother’s lips as she shakes off her sadness doing what she can to cover it up herself. “I’m glad you’re here He Tian.” She tells him and there is nothing she could mean more at the moment.

 

Over the past couple of years He Tian had done a good job at being their for her son. Sometimes big things, sometimes small. He Tian rushed over in the rain the day Mo’s grandmother passed and he held him until the crying passed. There was another day where Guanshan was just having trouble with his homework and He Tian was happy to help. Small things, big things it never really mattered he was always there and Mo’s mother saw it. It made her happy - happy for the both of them.

 

“Mo is in his room,” She says heading back towards the kitchen. “He will be happy to see you.”

 

He Tian can’t help but lighten a little at that. They really have come far to his presence being a good thing to Guanshan. He’s glad that consistency ended up working in the end. He Tian thanks Mo’s mother, making his way across the small apartment to the redhead’s room whose door is still open. At first He Tian wonders why Mo didn’t come out as soon as he arrived but then he sees earphones in. 

Guanshan sits on the edge of his bed, music blaring from his phone with the expression that could make the coldest person concerned. He Tian doesn’t say a word. Instead he leans against the door frame watching his friend. Even though broken, Guanshan looks calm, serene. It isn’t often He Tian gets to see him like this. It’s almost a gift, it just sucks that in order to see this it has to be this kind of situation.

The redhead is holding tightly onto his phone, his head bowing, eyes shutting tightly as he lets out a choked noise that He Tian picks up immediately. He knocks gently on the door making Mo jump. At least he could hear that through his music. 

Quickly Mo takes out his earphones, moving his phone to lie on the bed next to his leg, hoping he doesn’t look like a fool that was just about to lose it. 

 

“You’re early.” He mutters looking everywhere but He Tian. 

 

“Just a little,” he admits taking a seat next to Mo who still won’t look at him. 

 

In this situation it’s hard to think of the right thing to say. Usually He Tian is quick as a whim saying anything that could fit perfectly but now he finds a challenge in this silence. It’s weird for him but he understands it. 

 

“I have a going away present for you,” He Tian says feeling that could ease a bit of the tension in this room. He sees Mo give a weak smile as he quickly snickers.

 

“I swear to God if you start stripping-”

 

“No, no,” He Tian cuts him off laughing, “I’m saving that for your birthday.”

 

Mo gives the other a look that he just ignores so he can continue. He Tian reaches into his pants pocket, pulling out a small type of box which makes Mo raise an eyebrow. 

 

“Here,” He Tian offers to him,

 

Hesitantly, Mo reaches out for the box that’s wrapped in a blue paper. He wonders how it wasn’t ruined being in He Tian’s pocket.

Once the present is in his hands, He Tian watches him carefully. This isn’t the first gift He Tian gave him but this is the first that is a gift of parting. They never have left each other for longer than a day. This is the first time, as friends they are going to be far apart and it causes this weird pain in Mo Guanshan’s chest. 

 

“You can open it,” He Tian says lightly after a few too long moments of Mo doing nothing with the gift in his hands.

 

Guanshan jolts just a little before tearing open the paper. He throws the wrappings on the floor not really caring at the moment if he is making a mess. He then opens the box a little shocked at the gift he has just received.

 

“He Tian,” he gapes, “I...I can’t accept this.”

 

“Don’t make me cry now,” He Tian gives his signature smirk as he pushes Mo’s hand back towards him. “I got it especially for you.”

 

Mo runs his long fingers along the links to a very expensive looking gold watch that he is sure costs more than his whole outfit. He’s well aware He Tian is loaded but-

 

“Isn’t this a little much for a going away gift?’ He asks still unable to remove it from the box. He Tian just looks at him softly, taking the box from him and taking his hand in his as he removes the watch himself. 

 

“Well I know very well you wouldn't sleep with me,” He Tian jokes and it's nice to see Mo smile. 

 

“Seriously though,” he says as watched He Tian put the watch on him, “Why this?”

 

“For the time difference,” He Tian says fastening the watch on Guanshan’s wrist, the gold look breathtaking against his pale skin.

 

Guanshan chuckles. “There is no time difference you idiot,” he smiles taking his hand back, examining the way the gift looks on him. “I’m only going to be forty-five minutes away.” 

 

“Still a bit too far for my liking,” He Tian mutters, his tone changing now which makes the redhead look up at him, eyes sad, smile gone. 

 

There aren’t many moments where Guanshan sees He Tian like this. Sadness may be the worst color on him but it is refreshing to see another emotion besides cocky. Mo is so used to the flirty, confident He Tian that seeing him this way is almost childish, heart wrenching, something that is a bit hard to place.

Mo carefully slides his hand over to He Tian, his fingers running along his wrist before wrapping around it. He moves his thumb slowly to stroke his skin as a small form of comfort. The redhead has never been one for very emotional crying sessions to get feelings out. That will never be how he is.

 

“Thank you,” Mo says as clearly as he can. It’s soft, delicate but he says it in a way that resonates deep within the other boy. 

 

They slowly look up at each other, one cautious, nervous and the other confident as always but that same damn depressed look. He Tian moves slowly, entwining their fingers. Shockingly, Guanshan doesn’t pull away and his eyes stay on the other’s. He can’t help himself now; he holds tightly onto that hand - that hand that is larger than his, more calloused and warmer. 

 

“H-he Tian,” Mo stutters doing all in his power to be confident but it still isn’t working too well. “I-I uh...I’m going to miss-”

 

“Am I interrupting something?” A voice calls from the doorway making Guanshan quickly pull his hand back to his own personal bubble. That voice was Zhan Zhengxi. 

 

“N-no,” Mo stutters even more, completely embarrassed. “W-why would you be? I-i’m going to go see if mom needs help cooking.”

 

Mo quickly moves from the room leaving He Tian and Zhengxi alone, Zhengxi leaning in the doorway like He Tian was doing not too long ago. He stares at the back of the taller boy’s head who still hasn’t turned around to greet him. The emotions going through this guy is clear and no matter how much he would like to hide, his heart is on his sleeve. He Tian is only going to reveal his true self to those he can. 

Mo’s mother he could show no fear for he had to be strong for the worried mother, showing he is strong and can fix anything. For Mo Guanshan it’s slightly different. He Tian will put up his normal front but as soon as the other gives in so will he, wanting him to feel he isn’t alone. But for Zhan Zhengxi? No, he doesn’t need to hide it and he won’t hide it. There is no front to put up for him because in a way he has felt a similar thing.

 

“He’ll be fine.” Zhengxi says to the back of He Tian’s head. He still doesn’t move around.

 

“I know,” he says back though, his voice weirdly grumbly like he just woke up. 

 

Both don’t say anything for a bit. One tries to take this in, gain his composure and another just patiently waiting with his arms crossed.

 

“I’ll be fine, Zhengxi.” He Tian laughs. He isn’t a child. “It’s not like he will be gone forever.”

 

“It feels that way doesn’t it though?” He asks looking to the floor. Yes, he knows this feeling all too well.

 

A moment of silence passes. “Is this how you feel?” He Tian asks and Zhengxi is floored. He Tian takes the silence as room to explain. “I’m not trying to fight with you. I know you don’t like when I bring him up but I want to know.” He turns now, looking the other in the eyes.

 

“Is this how you feel?” He asks once more. “Everyday, in and out, is this how you feel?”

 

Zhengxi’s eyes narrow now as he watches He Tian. “What exactly are you feeling?” He can see it though. It’s written all over his friend’s face but he wants to hear it.

 

“Fear.” He Tian answers rather quickly. Zhengxi is surprised to hear him say this so easily. “I do fear he will be gone forever. That he will end up somewhere he would rather be. Maybe he will even find a girl and forget about us.”

 

Zhengxi can’t help but snort at that but this challenges He Tian. “Look,” he says, “Mo isn’t going to forget about us and he really isn’t going to forget about you.”

 

“How do you know this?” He Tian seems desperate and it’s almost sad to witness. Zhengxi breathes a heavy sigh in through his nose trying to ready himself for this. It’s been awhile since he even said his name.

 

“Because it’s the same for me and Jian Yi.” He says carefully, slowly. “Jian would never forget about me, wherever he is and I won’t ever forget about him. You and Guanshan are no different.” 

 

“Is that so?” He Tian questions and he can't help but to grin at this. “You really think it's the same?”

 

Zhengxi doesn't have much expression on his face as he studies He Tian. He is sure he will never fully understand him, how his brain works or how his emotions play out inside him but that doesn't mean he has to give up trying to get some sort of grasp. He is well aware He Tian is a very misunderstood guy when he isn't one to be taken in such ways. 

 

“It is and isn't.” Zhengxi finally replies, “but you need to see you're more important to him than you think. He wouldn't just give up on you.” 

 

He Tian considers this but that little twinge of fear doesn't leave his chest. It's still a weight that isn't lifting but he holds up his front. He knows he had his guard down when Zhengxi first arrived and that isn't going to remain so. He Tian will play it cool for the party, for Zhengxi, for auntie and most importantly, Guanshan. 

 

The party went by quick, a little too quick for everyone's liking. Six o’clock came and the happiness had died down of being together. Guanshan’s dad was late which wasn't all too shocking and for a moment he hoped he wouldn't come at all. Sadly seven o’clock came and the knock on the door was distinguishable bringing back memories of Guanshan’s childhood that he wishes to forget. 

His mother answer the door, Guanshan waiting in the living room, standing with his friends behind him. 

Seeing his face again, even if it has only been a week or so, is unnerving. That is a face Guanshan hoped to never see again yet it comes waltzing back into his life when he reaches age 17. 

His dad has this stern, authoritative look to him that could make most people uncomfortably but it's people like him that make He Tian stand taller than usual; a stance that says  _ I'm ready to protect.  _ Still he only stands behind Guanshan not moving or making a sound. 

Guanshan’s father stares into the apartment, eyes looking to everyone before settling on his son who stiffens immediately. He holds his look like he is waiting for the redhead to say something but nothing comes out. 

 

“Come on,” He finally calls, voice strong, “You ready? Let's go, let's get a move on. I don't have all night.” 

 

“You're late,” Guanshan mumbles as he looks to the floor. 

 

“I got stuck in traffic,” his dad grumbles clearly annoyed. “Let’s go. Don't make me say it again.” 

 

The behavior is far from unexpected, far from needed too. Without even stepping foot in the apartment, Guanshan’s dad turns to leave without him. Guanshan hugs his mother first, holding her tightly not wanting to let go like he was in preschool again. Next he hugs Zhengxi. It's quick, what some would call a “bro hug” and it isn't what one would call comfortable. 

Lastly, Mo goes to hug He Tian, hesitating before doing so. They never hug, not really but soon enough the weird part is over, Guanshan wrapping his arms around those broad shoulders and those strong arms holding him tightly back. All he can smell is cologne and clean linen but the power of the detergent is covered by that smell that is nothing but He Tian. 

The hug lingers; lasts longer than it should when Guanshan finally lets go. He tries not to think of the look on his mother’s face or the one on He Tian’s - like a puppy stuck out in the rain. 

He leaves, getting into the front seat next to his father. He makes sure he has his headphones because this ride will be the longest of his life. Guanshan wants nothing more to stay, hang out with his friends, help out his mom,  _ something _ that isn't going to a place he has never been with his father. 

Why can't he just stay here and be happy?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 3! I was a but late on this update but it's here now! Hope you like it!

The car ride is quiet besides the music blaring in Guanshan's ears. He chews the inside of his cheek as he stares out the window. His dad has been driving on the highway for the past half hour so all to be seen is trees, asphalt and more cars. 

Neither of them spoke a word to each other the whole time and tensions started to rise. Guanshan’s dad taps his fingers on the steering wheel which the redhead can't hear. He sees it though, looking from the corner of his eye. 

Guanshan notices how different his dad looks. Different than the night he went away to jail. Prison must have had a tole on him. He has wrinkles under his eyes and starting at the corner of his mouth. He looks tired with those circles under his eyes and his dark hair for sure is thinner. He's a completely different man altogether. Not really Mo’s father anymore. He hasn't been since the night he was taken away. 

 

“Tell me about school.” His dad says but he doesn't hear. The older man looks to his son, hitting his chest gently with the back of his hand. Guanshan removes an earbud but doesn't look to him. “Tell me about school.” He repeats. Guanshan doesn't want to answer.

 

“You're grades good?” He keeps going? “Got a girlfriend?” Mo glares at that. 

 

“Come on,” his dad practically pleads, “I'm just trying to catch up.” 

 

“My grades are fine.” Mo mutters. He doesn't go into detail though. He simply doesn't wish too. 

 

Guanshan’s grades have indeed improved over the years. They actually started getting better the more he spent time with He Tian and Zhengxi. He started concentrating more, figuring school may actually be important after all. Some good came when Guanshan stopped thinking he was the only one with good ideas. 

 

“Good,” his dad says not really sounding like he cares all that much. “Good to hear you aren't stupid or anything. So...what about the girls at your school?”

 

The redhead’s eyes narrow. He looks down at his hands, focusing on the one twirling the earbud he took out. 

 

“What about em?’ He grumbles. 

 

Girls have never been his strong suit. Girls have never been interested in him as well as he had never been interested in them either. He did wondered if it's the red hair. He wondered if it was his anger issues. He even wondered if he wasn't what people called “attractive”. It took a while but he ended up figuring it was all three. 

 

“There must be some girl you're crushing on,” He teases like this is some normal dad thing to do. “Or some girl crushing on you. Come on, at least one.”

 

“I'm not any girl’s type.” Guanshan sighs fiddling with the earbud a bit faster. 

 

“Nonsense,” his dad scoffs. “You look just like your old man, how could no girl be chasing you.”

 

Guanshan grimaces. He looks nothing like him. “It's really none of your business.” He spits, crossing his arms and looking out the window once more. 

 

It goes quiet, the only sound the spinning of the tires on the gravel and the music from Guanshan's music. His dad sighs. 

 

“I'm not trying to be your enemy here.” He says. “I know you're mad at me, taking you away from your mom and your friends or whatever but I'm your dad. I deserve to see you too. I missed a lot of your life-”

 

“And whose fault is that?” Mo asks harshly. He caught the rough tone and he can't bring himself to look over at his father. He's afraid. He can't remember the last time he used that kind of tone with a parent. 

 

The older man doesn't say anything. He bites his tongue turning back to the road. Neither of them speak until they get back to apartment building. They don't even look at each other. Already this weekend is going as Guanshan expected. 

The apartment is smaller than his own at home. The front door opens up to the kitchen which Mo thinks he would bump into the counters too much trying to cook. The living room is so tight he wonders how the couch even fits but it is what it is he supposes. 

Guanshan just stands in there in the kitchen, looking over the apartment with a low expression. His grip on his duffle tightens and he chews his lip. 

 

“Your room is the first on the right if you want to check it out.” His dad says to him, throwing the keys on the counter and that's when Mo remembers to take his shoes off.

 

“Yeah,” he mutters back not looking to him. He slowly makes his way to the narrow hallway, eyeing everything before making it to the place he is going to call prison for the weekend. 

 

“Not hungry are ya?” His dad laughs, throwing his coat on the arm of the couch. 

 

“No,” Mo says before leaving his dad by himself in the living room. He finds his room easily, first door on the right. 

 

Mo flicks on the light and all in his room is a bed, bedside table, lamp and a clock. Guanshan lets out a sigh and his dad notices. 

 

“I wasn't able to get you a dresser yet.” He calls to him but Guanshan simply ignores and walks in, shutting the door behind him. 

 

Alone. How he prefers it. Guanshan drops his bag on the floor and sits on the edge of the twin sized bed. The blanket beneath his hand is rough and uncomfortable feeling. He knows he will itch from it in the middle of the night. He realizes his dad just got out of jail and it tight for cash but this feels blatantly careless. 

Mo doesn't know how he is going to get sleep tonight. He closes his eyes trying his best to not let his emotions get to him. He would rather be in his own bed, skyping his friends or playing some video game on his handheld in the comfort of his own damn home. He feels lonely. 

 

_ *Ding* _

 

Guanshan pulls his phone out of his pocket. He smiles just a tad when he sees the name. 

 

**He:** _ How you liking the new digs? _

 

Once he reads this the smile fades. He lays back on the bed, hating the pillow as soon as he lies down. Guanshan opens the text and starts to reply. 

 

_ I really fucking hate it.  _ He writes,  _ Why are you texting me anyway? _

 

Mo keeps his phone open, that seeing He Tian has already read and is already replying will make him feel better. That those little dots in the speaking bubble will be his escape away from here. 

 

_ I waited an hour since you left to text you.  _ He Tian texts back and Mo can see his stupid smirk through the writing.  _ Surprised I lasted so long. I barely lasted five minutes after that hug.  _

 

Mo’s brows furrow as he feels his face grow hot. He knew he shouldn't have held on as long as he did. It's just like He Tian to read into something like that. 

 

_ Don't know why I even hugged you.  _ Mo decides to send. Always, he is so cold. If he were to stop it would just change him too much. 

 

Almost as quickly as he sent the text, he sees it says read underneath his blue bubble. Mo wonders if He Tian is doing the same as him, holding his phone with their text thread open, laying in bed waiting impatiently for a reply back. 

 

_ You know you we're going to miss me.  _ He sends with a winking emoji which makes Guanshan roll his eyes.  _ I am your bestest friend now aren't I.  _

 

Guanshan snickers.  _ I wouldn’t call you that. I had other friends before you.  _

 

_ Delinquents, yeah.  _ He Tian argues.  _ Bad influences and whatnot.  _

 

_ You are a bad influence.  _ Guanshan jokes. They do this to each other a lot. 

 

There is something about challenging He Tian that is fun for him as well as the other way around. It's how their friendship has been able to work; with equal amounts of blows to one another in their own way. 

Still they fight like any friends would. They disagree and forget why they're friends. But they also have fun. They laugh, they talk; more than Mo does with his other friends nowadays. Late at night when Guanshan is in need of some comfort, it's almost always He Tian who is there to listen whether it's a late night call or text, he will wake up just for him. 

 

_ Oh but in the best kind of way.  _ He Tian writes.  _ Still, I haven't gotten you to smoke, or be scary as you call me, or have sex. Lol  _

 

Mo blushes. That stupid idiot sure likes to talk about that a lot. He moves onto his side thinking of what to say back to that. 

 

_ We aren't talking about my sex life, thank you _ . He decides to say,  _ We’re talking about you.  _

 

_ So you want to talk about my sex life?  _ He Tian asks, smirking at his little screen as soon as he sees Guanshan has read it. He wishes he could see the reaction. 

 

Guanshan blushes when his eyes scan over the words. No! God, no, why on earth would he want to talk about that? Ew, he can see it now and he would like it out of his head. 

 

_ Not at all you sicko!  _ Guanshan types out quickly.  _ Why the hell would I want to know that? _

 

It will never not be fun for He Tian to get a rise out of this guy. The more Guanshan gets angry or riled up the more it fuels He Tian to continue. 

 

_ Maybe you're curious _ . He writes. 

 

_ Not really.  _ Mo says back laughing a bit. 

 

This is comfortable even with a weird topic of their conversation. Mo has grown more used to their conversations. And now he doesn't mind the blanket beneath him. He doesn't care how firm the pillow is or how hard the mattress is. With He Tian texting him, saying everything he normally says it feels like home. 

 

* _ Ding*  _

 

Mo looks back to his phone. 

 

_ I miss you.  _

 

He chokes. Shocked to read that and it makes him sit up in bed. He has only been gone for a bit over an hour. It can't feel like he has been gone that long, could it? He isn't an easy person to miss. 

Maybe for Mo it feels that way. It feels lonely here but he was the one taken away. How He Tian can actually miss him seems strange and never before has he said that to him. 

Guanshan can't think of what to say back to that so he just sits with He Tian’s message being left on read. Does he say “I miss you too” and sound like a girl missing her boyfriend. Does he play it cool and just say the normal “fuck you” so things don't become weird. Things can't become weird. 

 

_ I've been gone for like an hour.  _ He says instead. 

 

He Tian reads the text and smiles. He knew very well Mo would never say that he missed him too but he still wanted to let him know. 

It was this though, it has always been this: Guanshan’s disinterest whether at points it was fake or real, it is what made him fun, interesting. His behavior being hated by almost anyone he met, was adored by He Tian simply because he was different; so different that is was exhilarating. 

 

_ Well that's an hour I've been missing you.  _ He Tian flirts. It's never a hard decision to make when it comes to doing so. It's fun and it's who he is. Even Guanshan is aware of that. 

 

Guanshan’s cheeks heat up the second he reads that. What an idiot choosing now of all times to be a creep. 

 

_ Whatever… _ He sends back. He has nothing else to say to that. 

 

He Tian and Guanshan spend a lot of the night sending texts back and forth. Even after Mo’s dad banged on the door and told him it was “lights out” at ten o’ clock. He just rolled his eyes and kept messaging He Tian after turning out the light because that was the only thing distracting him at the moment. 

Guanshan doesn't remember when he fell asleep. It was well after two in the morning before He Tian could send back another text. Luckily sleep was simple because his mind was occupied. He wakes up to the smell of breakfast, finding his phone next to his pillow and the first thing he does is check it but not shockingly, it had died in the middle of the night. Guanshan has never  been great at plugging his phone in when he needed to. He curses under his breath quickly getting up to find his charger in his duffle bag. Once found he plugs his phone in, turning it on so he can see what messages he may have missed.

 

There is a bang at his door that makes him jump. “Guanshan,” His dad calls, “breakfast is done.”

 

“Yeah,” He calls back. “Out in a sec.” He just wants to see if he got any texts.

 

“Now.” His dad says harshly but then his tone goes soft. “Before it gets cold.”

 

Mo grumbles, leaving his phone behind so it can charge and before he can even see what he missed last night. The apartment is kind of cold outside of his room making the teen rub his arms. It smells nice though but that isn’t a shock. The Mo family has always been able good in the kitchen.

 

“Still cook, huh?” Mo asks taking a seat at the small counter with a plate already in front of him. His dad chuckles.

 

“Yeah, I do.” He tells him sitting across from him. “I work at a bar, cooking a lot of the day and night depending on what shift they’re asking me for. How ‘bout you?”

 

“Yeah I help mom out a bit,” He sighs dipping one of his fried dough sticks in his soybean milk, “and I cook for a friend of mine because he sucks at cooking, still, even after I taught him a bit of stuff.”

 

“Wow,” his dad actually laughs, “seems like he’s using you.” 

 

Mo’s eyes narrow. He didn’t like that. His father has no right to make assumptions about He Tian like that. “He’s not using me.” Guanshan mumbles bitterly. 

 

“You sure?” He asks with food in his mouth. “Cause if I couldn’t cook I’d be sure to keep your scrawny butt around to help me out. I mean, eating take out all the time is really shitty.”

 

Guanshan glares at his food. He can’t even have a decent breakfast? “You’re telling me, the only reason someone would be my friend,” he says lowly, “is so they can use me?”

 

“Don’t be so sensitive.”  His dad sighs, his mouth still full. He swallows quickly so he can defend himself. “I’m just looking out for you. Don’t trust this guy, look out for him.”

 

Guanshan doesn’t say anything but he has lost his appetite. His dad has no right to say that. He Tian has been Guanshan’s friend for a couple years now and there is a lot he has done for him. There is no way he could simply be using him for dinner. It’s not even like he cooks for him all the time now, only once in awhile when they hang out. 

 

“Hey, Shan,” His dad says getting his attention using a nickname he used to use when he was a kid, “I have to head work at noon, okay? I work till midnight so I won’t be back until a bit after then.”

 

“So you’re going to be gone all night?”He asks confused. “Is this every saturday?”

 

“Yes, it is,” he explains. “It’s the shift I have but I don’t work Sundays so we will have all day until I bring you home. Sound good?”

 

Mo bites his cheek, chewing on it trying to hold his temper in. He nods though even if he finds this ridiculous. Why force him to come here if they aren’t going to be spending time together? It seems more than pointless.  

Guanshan excuses himself from breakfast, going back into his room. He doesn't feel like finishing his food. His dad doesn't even question it and that's how it's preferred. He would rather be away from him right now, especially if he is already going to be gone for 12 hours out of the day. 

The first thing Guanshan does it check his phone. He has two unread from He Tian so he opens them. Last night He Tian told Mo he was going to fall asleep on him and of course his reply was an argument saying that he absolutely would not and he did before he could get his friends next message. 

 

_ Yes you are.  _ He Tian had written and then underneath that text was:  _ Told you.  _

 

Mo smiles down at that. He usually doesn't like when He Tian is right but he had been nodding off for over an hour with his replies starting to get a little late. He kind of knew he was going to fall asleep but he preferred to argue. That's how they worked, how Guanshan works. 

 

_ Guess you were right.  _ Mo sends him and he stares at the message for a bit hoping to see if He Tian read it yet.

 

Guanshan waits a bit too long and He Tian still hasn't opened the text. He could still be sleeping, it is around ten and they were up quite late last night. Mo puts his phone down next to him on the bed. He knows not to spend all day waiting for that reply and he won't. He might just contact one of his other friends...his two other friends. 

Instead of calling or texting anybody he decides to just leave his phone next to him on the bed. If He Tian isn't answering him then everyone else is probably busy too. He wouldn't want to ruin their Saturday with himself. His friend Ling couldn't even make it to the going away party. Yeah, his friends are probably just too busy to talk to him. 

 

                                                                                                                            ~

 

When He Tian’s phone went off, he didn't hesitate to pick it up. He knew exactly who it was: a cute little redhead who fell asleep on him last night from hours of texting. He was excited to talk to him again today except that wasn't allowed. Kuai Hua, the girl he had been seeing, had snatched his phone right out of his hand.

They were both on the bed, Kuai Hua straddling He Tian’s hips while she wore nothing but his t-shirt. When she took his phone it annoyed him a little bit but he didn't say anything. 

 

Kuai Hua looks at the phone and grimaces at the name. “Mountain? Guanshan?” She says. “Why do you even talk to him?” Her voice is this nasty thing that makes He Tian groan inwardly.

 

He Tian reaches for his phone but Kuai Hua brings it farther out of reach. She wants an answer and the man doesn’t fight her. His hands rest on her thin thighs but he doesn’t move; his body is stiff as he speaks back to her. They have had this conversation before and it really isn’t worth having.

 

“He's my friend.” He Tian answers easily. 

 

“Why?” She asks again and He Tian has to hold back from rolling his eyes but his hands grip a bit tighter on Kuai Hua’s legs. Luckily she doesn’t seem to notice. “He’s a brute. All he does is get angry, he is violent, no girl likes him because he’s a jerk and frankly I don't-”

 

“You don't like him,” He Tian finishes for her with a sigh. He has heard this spiel before and too many times. “I already know.” 

 

He reaches for his phone again but Kuai Hua shakes her head, holding the phone close to her chest.

 

“You're spending the morning with me.” She says flatly. “You spent all night talking to him, you can spend some time away from your precious phone.”

 

He Tian is quite annoyed but he doesn't show it. Instead he smiles coyly. “Are you jealous of Guanshan?” 

 

Kuai Hua scoffs. “Should I be?” 

 

Short answer - yes. 

 

There is something Kuai Hua knows about He Tian that he hasn't even said to his friends. He doesn't hide it, but he doesn't come out and say it. He is sure Zhengxi is well aware but he is also almost certain Guanshan hasn't the slightest clue that He Tian is bisexual. Kuai Hua has never been comfortable with the fact and she always assumes he is looking for men to be with. 

Though that belief is simply untrue, He Tian is looking at one man in particular. Kuai Hua knows it and she is possessive even if they are not exclusive in their relationship. And she hates Guanshan for that reason. She believes that he will steal He Tian away from her. What she doesn't know is He Tian's heart was stolen by the redhead years ago. 

 

“No,” he lies. “You shouldn't be jealous.”

 

~

 

After Mo’s shower and he is dressed he makes his way to the kitchen to find something to eat. His dad has left without saying goodbye and that isn't exactly a shock. Guanshan simply doesn't let it get to him. 

He finds money on the counter with a note underneath it, written in his father’s sloppy script, and a spare key to the apartment. Guanshan moves the money out of the way to read it.

 

_ Shan, _

_ Here is some extra cash in case you want go to the grocery store or just go out to eat. There are some good places around here if you would like to check them out. Sorry I couldn’t be here with you. _

_ -Dad _

 

In any other situation, Mo wouldn’t even consider taking the money, but currently he is hungry, bored and not excited to spend the whole day alone in a sketchy apartment. As Guanshan stands there he is having an internal battle, trying to figure out just what he wants to do. 

If He Tian were to text him back then he would be more willing to stay because then it wouldn’t be so boring here. Guanshan checks his phone just to see if maybe He Tian has actually texted him back. If it was possible, his expression dropped more seeing no notifications on his screen. 

Okay - decision made. Guanshan grabs the money, pocketing it before heading out to the town; one he doesn’t even know. He figures he will suck it up considering he is hungry and lonely and would prefer not to wallow in it all day.

The streets are very unfamiliar but it also reminds him a lot of home even if it is a lot smaller. He sees the same things; benches, trees, couples holding hands, laughing and kissing (it makes him sick), and restaurants and diners. Everything is just set up differently and has the uncomfortable feeling of new which causes Guanshan’s hesitation to go into any of the establishments. 

After a while, the redhead finally decides on a small place that doesn’t seem too busy for the lunch hour. He sits himself at a small booth against the window. Going out to eat by yourself is weird but Guanshan has done it before, just not in a while since He Tian had become his friend.  

Guanshan looks over the menu, arms stretched out in front of him. He fiddled with the watch He Tian had given him. It's heavy on his wrist but Mo couldn't bring himself to leave it at home. He liked it to say the least. 

 

“Hello, can I get you anything?” Guanshan hears and he lifts his head. He sees a boy around his age, possibly older and very clearly American with sandy brown hair and green eyes and pale skin. Kind of explains why his Chinese sounds a bit broken. 

 

“Uh sure,” he hesitates. He doesn't know what he wants to eat yet. “Just a water right now.”

 

“Okay, no problem.” The guy smiles down at him then heads off to the back. He seems very peppy but then again that is his job. 

 

Almost instantly the waiter is back with his water and Guanshan is impressed. He sits up so his back is against the fake leather of the booth. 

 

“All set to order?” He asks. Mo figures he will just go with this sandwich that sounds pretty good to him. 

 

Guanshan gives his order and then the guy is in the back just as quick as he took it. It's very clear they aren't busy but this guy looks like the only waiter working. Mo simply assumes he is a good worker. 

Mo enjoys how quiet it is in here. Majority of the customers are older or by themselves so there isn't a lot of conversation going on. It makes the place seem larger than it is, with room to breathe.

Being in a new place makes simply existing seem hard to some and there is such thing as too much a once. This place is a little at a time, just what he needs. 

The waiter comes back out with a plate in hand. He places it in front of Mo and he thanks him. Guanshan is about to bite into his sandwich but from the corner of his eye he still sees his server looking at him. 

 

“Sorry,” he chuckles rather embarrassed, “forgive me for starting but you seem like you're new to around here.”

 

“How could you tell?” Mo asks biting into his sandwich. He isn't too interested in talking to his waiter about the move. 

 

“It's kind of small here,” He says. “I've never seen your face before so I just guessed.”

 

There is this awkward pause between them, and instead of chewing on his sandwich, Mo is chewing on the inside of his upper lip. 

 

“Sorry,” the waiter says again, turning to leave, “enjoy your food and welcome to the town.” 

 

Guanshan waits a moment before he can continues to eat. That guy was pretty nice to him for first meeting him. It felt kind of nice to not be judged by someone he barely knows for once. He shrugs it off quickly, not reading into somebody's politeness. His sandwich is more important right now. 

About half way through his meal, Mo feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. On first instinct he thinks it's He Tian responding to his text but his phone keeps vibrating. 

Once his phone is free from his pocket he sees his friend Ling is calling him. Quickly he answers. 

 

“Hello?” Mo says quickly. He feels desperate to hear a friend.

 

“Hey man,” Ling says. “I'm not catching you at a bad time am I?”

 

Mo snickers, hunching over in the table, one arm balancing him as his hand holds the phone, elbow on the table as he speaks. “God no,” he says. “I'm bored as hell.”

 

“You're dad’s not around?” His gray haired friend asks seeming quite confused. 

 

“Nope,” Mo replies in a very fake, peppy tone. “He is at work until midnight tonight, so he has absolutely no time for me, so I'm stuck here with no friends, no one to talk to, no where to go and a bit of cash my dad left me so I could get out of the house.”

 

There's a pause on the other end. “So, you're home alone right now?”

 

Mo sighs, “No, I'm at a little diner.” He tells him. “I didn't really want to sit in my room all day. It's not exactly cozy.” 

 

“Damn, I don't blame you.” Ling sympathizes. “Oh and I'm sorry I couldn't go to your going away party. I really had to babysit my brother and sister.”

 

“It's fine.” Mo says. He doesn't blame him at all. “It wasn't really even a party. Just saying goodbye and whatever.”

 

“He Tian okay?” Ling laughs trying to lighten the mood a bit. “Considering how much he seems to need his little cook around, I feel he would be in tears that you're leaving for the weekends.”

 

At the mention of He Tian, Guanshan looks to the watch on his wrist. “He seemed petty torn up actually.” Mo says slowly still eyeing the gold in his wrist. 

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” he continues. “He got me a watch as a going away gift.”

 

“A watch?” Ling says confused. “What kind of watch?”

 

“I don't know.” Mo scoffs. “Something clearly insanely expensive.”

 

Ling goes quiet again, Guanshan not noticing it. He is currently too distracted by the gift. All he can now think about is when He Tian have it to him. That guy really liked spending money on him and Mo will never know why. 

 

“He sure buys you stuff a lot.” Ling says offhandedly. It is meant to imply something. 

 

“He just likes to throw his money around.” Mo shrugs. That's how he has looked at He Tian for a while; simply a man who likes to show off he has money especially to Guanshan. It's strange yes but Mo takes that as who he is. 

 

“If you say so,” Ling deadpans. He can see through He Tian. He doesn't get how Mo doesn't. 

 

Then two boys hang up after a bit more talking and Mo finished his food which was rather good for a tiny hole in the wall. He will more than likely come here again while his father works his Saturday away. 

The waiter comes back up asking if he could take Mo’s plate for him. He nods, allowing him to do so. Once again, the guy stands there, not saying anything. When Guanshan makes eye contact with him he apologizes. 

 

“Sorry,” he says. “I just...well I overheard your conversation and-” He notices the look on Guanshan's face. 

 

“Oh no,” he defends, “don't think I was being a creep or anything. I just heard you had no friends here and well...I was wondering if maybe you would like to hang out sometime? I mean, I know the town well, I could show you around.”

Mo looks up at the waiter like he is crazy. The guy seems normal enough besides the fact that he stands out like a sore thumb and that he was listening to Guanshan’s conversation. That’s not what him look up his waiter with a pondering expression.

 

“You want to hang out with me?” Guanshan asks rather confused. “Why?”

 

The waiter smiles warmly and shyly. “You seem nice,” He tells him and that makes Guanshan snort. “What?”

 

“I’m not nice,” He informs him. Maybe he can spare this guy his crazy.

 

“Okay, fine,” the waiter laughs, “you’re not nice. I would still like to show you around sometime.”

 

This guy sure is interested in bringing Guanshan around the town and he sure is polite and charming. He isn’t pushy, instead rather gentle with the request and it makes the redhead comfortable.

 

“You really want to show me around?” Mo clarifies one last time just in case his mind had changed in this short amount of time. 

 

The waiter blushes, actually blushes but Mo doesn’t notice. “Yeah I really do.” He says.

  
In the end, Guanshan was given the waiter’s number, finding out his name is Eric. Guanshan had told him that he is only in town for about two days out of the week so they decided whenever Mo is in town he can contact him for that tour. It’s interesting to Guanshan to make a friend so easily considering he never has made many friends to begin with. Still, this guy seems friendly and that may just be what he needs to tolerate being in this place.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh so sorry for the delay! Busy, busy and writers block sucks...Anywhoozer, hope you like it, let me know! I've loved the feedback, it's been great. I love this fandom and this pairing so...yeah... :)

Guanshan awakens to the sound of his dad banging on the door waking him up abruptly. The redhead groans into his pillow, head pounding as he is looking to the clock that says  _ 7:04 _ . How the hell his dad is up at this hour after working a twelve hour shift, Mo will never know but he finds the motivation to get up. 

 

“Come, on, get out of bed,” His dad yells from behind the door. His voice is weirdly excited and it make Mo frowns as he pushes himself out of bed. “We don’t have all day”

 

“I’m getting up, I’m getting up,” He calls, shuffling over to the door then mumbling, “Jesus…” 

 

       Once at the door, Guanshan pulls his open, his eyes heavy from sleep, mouth dry and neck a bit still from his pillow. His dad gives him this weird look like he should have been up and ready by now. He is eying his son’s pajamas as if he has never seen such a thing before. 

 

        “Come on you lazy ass,” he says in this way that makes it seem like he is being playful. Guanshan doesn’t like it. “Get dressed. We can't go out with you dressed like that.” 

 

         Mo’s glares a little harder than his previous expression. “What?”

 

          “It's father, son day.” He informs him. Mo had completely forgotten. He didn't think his dad would actually go through with that. He isn’t the type of man to usually hold up his end of the bargain. 

 

           “What are we doing?” Guanshan grumbles still too tired to think. He rubs one of his eyes getting the gunk out from the corners. 

 

             “That,” his dad cheers, pointing his finger in the air, “is a surprise. Come on get dressed and eat your breakfast.”

 

“Alright, alright,” He sighs, “give me a minute.” 

 

Mo closes the door then moves back to sit on the bed grabbing his duffel to rest beside him. He searches for his yellow shirt that he likes so much. Once found he places it in his lap and looks for some regular old sweatpants. Father/son day seems like a day that calls for comfort not so much style and Guanshan really doesn’t care if he looks good or not today. 

The redhead discards his nightwear, throwing the clothes on the floor so he can get dressed for the day. All dressed he checks his phone to see how many more messages he had gotten from a certain douche bag that he is pissed at. He rolls his eyes as he scrolls through the long stream of texts he stopped reading last night.

He Tian had been blowing up Guanshan’s phone trying to get ahold of him. Purposely, Mo had left that idiot on read so he could learn his lesson about not responding all damn day to hang out with his girlfriend who isn’t really his girlfriend. He Tian had texted him back hours later, around seven telling him Kuai Hua was over and wouldn’t let him answer. Instead of accepting that excuse, Guanshan did what fit him best and got pissy, jealous and cold. So he ignored He Tian for the rest of the night and his damn phone would not stop dinging

Guanshan had ended up putting his phone on  _ do not disturb _ just so he didn’t have to hear his phone keep ringing off the hook and so the light wouldn’t keep bothering him. 

Today, the redhead is going to continue to ignore those texts, any texts that come in from his friend. He may just even keep his phone on  _ do not disturb _ . He probably won’t even talk to him until he gets back to town and sees him at school. He Tian should know by now just how easily Guanshan will hold a petty grudge. It may be through sheer jealousy but he will hold the grudge regardless. 

Pocketing his phone without opening a single text message, Guanshan goes to eat breakfast before he heads out for the day. He is just going to have to not think of He Tian. He didn’t even wear the watch he gave him just to help with that.

  
  


                                                                                                                                  ~

 

After breakfast, Guanshan’s dad took them out on a walk feeling there was no point in driving on such a nice day, seeming weirdly excited for a man that doesn’t usually get excited at all. He asks normal dad questions like he did in the car on Friday so Guanshan does his best at not freaking out this time. 

It’s the same old questions like “tell me about school” and “what are your friend’s like”and the one Mo hates the most “how are the girls at your school”.

 

“Dad,” Guanshan grumbles, rubbing his forehead hoping to rub away the beginnings of a headache, “there is really nothing to talk about. Can we put that subject to bed, please?”

 

“God,” his dad chuckles as he walks ahead of him, “you would think you’re not even into girls.”

 

As soon as those words hit Mo’s ear he stops moving his feet. He isn’t sure if he is offended or afraid. He feels like his dad can read his mind right now. All Guanshan can think of is that kiss between him and He Tian. Why he is thinking about that now he doesn’t know but he would like it to stop. Besides he needs to say something before his dad gets suspicious.

It’s too late. As the redhead looks up from the ground he sees his dad’s face and it is nothing less than horrified. That’s when Guanshan realizes his own expression appears guilty.

 

“Please tell me you’re into girls.” His dad says, softly as if any other answer besides the one he wants would be devastating. He is almost begging. Mo decides to change his expression; play it cool, glaring instead of seeming as if he is offended or worried a secret was let loose. 

 

“Why the hell would you think any differently?” He retorts walking past him now. He just needs this subject to end so the stupid image of He Tian gets out of his head. He’s too mad at him to even think of his face. “Unless you see otherwise, stop assuming dumb shit.”

 

“Where the hell did you get that mouth?” His dad says instead of continuing the other conversation. Guanshan lets out a sigh of relief in his head. Thank God it was that easy.

 

“You ask that like it isn’t obvious.” Mo scoffs, “You’re the one that never stopped swearing in the kitchen when I was growing up. Of course I picked it up.”

 

“Guess that’s something we have in common then.” His dad laughs but Guanshan rolls his eyes. He doesn’t like having anything in common with this man. He just can’t break the habit of his bad language and frankly he doesn’t want to so he isn’t going to try.

 

Mo let’s his father talk about whatever he wants to talk about. He just stays quiet until they get to whatever this surprise is. Frankly he isn’t too excited for it but that is just because he doesn’t want to spend the day with an angry old guy who could snap any second. It’s fearful being next to him but Guanshan is good at ignoring his feelings. He is almost a pro. 

 

“Here we are,” His dad finally announces causing Guanshan to look up from the pavement. 

 

For a second Mo is confused. He is currently starring at what looks like an abandoned building. The is paper covering the glass of the windows so you can’t look inside and the stone the structure is made out of looks dingy. His dad stands holding the door open waiting for him patiently.

 

“Come on,” he calls, “let’s go. You’ll love this.”

 

Mo doesn’t understand how exactly he is going to love this and he doesn’t get what this is about. He makes his way through the threshold almost bumping into a guy who is carrying a ladder across the room. 

There are tons of people in here working, fixing the place up. There is cloth on the floor, carpenters in every nook and cranny of the place. For a moment, Mo doesn’t understand as he is looking around but then his eyes fall behind the counter through a small window. It’s a kitchen back there. 

 

“You bought a restaurant?” He asks turning to his father. This is what he was going to love?

 

“Yeah, what do you think?” He presses. He seems so happy, so proud of this place. Mo feels the sting of his childhood. The sting of the back of a hand that came with the stress of losing the last place “It’s going to be my second chance, Momo.”

 

Guanshan quivers, grimaces. “Second chance, huh?” He then looks back to the kitchen, to the people working. Why exactly would he love this again? “How? How can you get a second chance after what you did?”

 

“I know I did bad things to you and your mom in the past,” the old man explains, “but that isn’t me anymore and I’m going to prove it to you.”

 

“With a restaurant?”

 

“I get that it’s hard to understand-”

 

“More like it makes no sense,” the redhead spits, trying to move past his dad but he grabs him by the biceps to hold him in place.

 

“Guanshan, wait,” he orders but when he realizes his grip is too tight he lets go, keeping his hands in the air to be seen. His tone becomes less aggressive. “I’m trying to show you I’m changing. I’m going to be a better dad this time and get my life together.”

 

“How is a restaurant going to do that?’ Mo argues loudly getting people to look at the two of them. “Last time you owned a place you lost it because you cared more about getting drunk and when you lost the place you took it out on me and mom so explain to me how you’re fixing things with a new place? How do you know you aren’t going to lose it again? How do you know you won’t take it out on me again?”

 

The older man just stares at his son. That is the most honest he had been with him in these past couple of days. He bows his head, almost defeated but he swears he knows what he is doing is right.

“I can’t be around when you fail.” Mo whispers not looking to his dad. He can’t look him in the eyes this time. “I can’t be there again. I’m already fucked up enough from when I was a kid. Don’t fuck me up more.”

 

“I know you can’t see it right now,” he says to him as carefully as he can, slowly as if to not scare him off, “but I’m doing this all for you. You’ll see in the end. I promise”

 

“I don’t get it.”

 

“You won’t for a little while,” He explains, “but you’ll see. Just trust me.”

 

“That’s so fucking hard to do.” Guanshan whispers.

 

“I know.” His dad says. “I get it, I really do. But I wouldn’t fight this hard to see you, work my ass off to afford to be something again if I wasn’t changing. Please, Shan. Give me a chance to show you. Let me be your dad again.”

Guanshan doesn’t say anything. He looks away from his dad, back to the kitchen once more. He doesn’t really think, just lets his feet move him to where they want to go. The sight of the kitchen brings back so many memories of being a child. Shockingly none of them are of the bad times.

As he makes his way through one of his hands glides across the steel of the stove, touching the knobs as he continues to look around. Guanshan would like to believe his dad is changing for the better. That he works twelve hour shifts to be able to afford having him over. That he bought this place to give Guanshan the childhood he never got to finish having. That he asks him all those annoying questions because he really does want to get to know his son better. There is just something inside Mo that feels off and he can’t pinpoint why.

 

“Give me some time.” He mutters not looking to his dad who had been behind him for some time now and he was well aware. 

 

It has been a while since Guanshan had been in the restaurant scene. He was ten when it ended, six when he started but of course he was only serving people. He used to watch his dad cook a lot though. He would grab a chair for his son so Guanshan could watch and learn what to put into certain dishes and how much. His mom used to do the same for him at home but he liked it more when his dad did it at the restaurant because then he felt like a cook just like his dad. Guanshan used to want to be just like him when he got older, now he wishes he could be like anyone else. 

 

                                                                                                                                        ~

 

Guanshan doesn’t even say goodbye when he gets out of the crappy car to go back to his real home. The whole car ride back just felt off and it felt as if a goodbye would have made it worse. Why speak when there is nothing more to say?

On a happier note, he’s home, his real home where is mom is and their own kitchen that’s happier than any that Guanshan has been in before. His room, his couch and his tv. He couldn’t be more excited to get back through that apartment door. 

As Mo pushes it open he can see his mom pulling something out of the oven. He can’t help the smile stretching across his face, knowing she is baking just for him when he makes it back. Guanshan makes sure the door shuts a little louder than normal just so he can see his mom quickly spin around and get that look of excitement. She runs to him and he drops his stuff just so he can meet her halfway and hug her back once her arms wrap around his neck.

 

“Oh, Momo,” she says as he hugs him tight, practically choking him but he doesn’t say anything to get her to stop. “I didn’t know what to do with myself when you were gone. I cooked so much I had to give the leftovers to He Tian.”

 

“Ugh,” Guanshan acts disgusted at that name as he lets his mom go and head to the kitchen to pick at what she made and get himself a drink, “why was he here?”

 

“Did something happen between you two?” She asks. It’s only been a weekend so how could they be fighting? 

 

Pulling the carton of milk out of the fridge Mo groans. “He Tian’s an idiot,” he tells her pouring himself a glass, “that’s what happened.”

 

His mother smiles. This isn’t the first time her son complained about his best friend in that way. She crosses her arms, looking back at Guanshan expectantly like she has heard such stories before.

 

“The jerk ignored me all day to hangout with his stupid girlfriend who’s not even his girlfriend.” Mo complains, picking at a sesame cake from the pan on the counter. 

 

“And you’re jealous?” She teases coming over to continue their conversation and enjoy a sesame cake for herself. 

 

“No,” Guanshan sputters, “I just hate how he says he doesn’t care about her, says he cares about me and then completely ignores me all day for her. He told me if I needed him to text him and I got ignored.”

 

“What did you need him for?” His mom wonders aloud.

 

“Well,” the redhead pauses in mid-chew, “I didn’t really  _ need  _ him, I just didn’t want to deal with the day alone.”

 

“Alone?” she asks confused. “What about your father?”

 

“He works all day on Saturday.” Guanshan sighs. “It’s insanely boring.”

 

“How typical of him.” She mumbles then starts to pick up the kitchen from the mess she had made. 

 

Guanshan watches her do this and he wonders silently if he should tell her about what his dad is doing. He chews his cheek, decided she had a right to know.

 

“Uh, mom?”

 

“Yes, dear?”

 

“Dad bought a restaurant.”

 

_ *CRASH* _

 

Guanshan looks up quickly at that loud sound seeing the bottle of sesame seeds had smashed and fell from his mother’s shaking hands. Her face hasn’t seemed so scared since he was a kid.

 

“Oh, Guanshan,” she gasps, “I’m so sorry, let me-”

 

“No no,” he stops her from going to pick up the glass, “let me do it.”

 

She falls to her knees anyway, still shaking and Guanshan gets why and he knows they shouldn’t talk about it. They haven’t in so long and he doesn’t want to hurt his mother further. He just holds her arms in his hands waiting for her to calm down a at least a little.

 

“He says it’s his second chance mom,” He tries to soothe her. “It isn’t so bad.”

 

“That man doesn’t deserve a second chance,” she does her best not to cry. She is a little angry now. “They should have never taken you from me. I swear to God if he-”

 

“Mom he won’t,” Guanshan promises but it’s empty, oh it’s so empty. “I swear. The minute I feel something is off I’ll fix it. Trust me.”

  
It’s hard for his mom to do but not because she doesn’t trust him. It has everything to do with the man she wish wasn’t Guanshan’s father. She doesn’t like that man and she doesn’t want him around her son. She wishes she could forget what happened to them and wishes Mo had no clue of the past but he does. Sadly it’s that, that makes them so close.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of hard work and writer's block here is chapter 5. I wanted to thank everyone who has been commenting and giving Kudos. Really, you guys have been keeping me going and motivating me to keep this story going which is the best I've felt in a while. I love writing this story and if you guys have questions or just want to talk fandom stuff, send me asks on Tumblr, I'd be happy to answer them. I'm under the same name, Otoko-No-Tsuki.

Well, it’s back to the same old routine for Guanshan of school, classes and dealing with people he would prefer not to. Still it’s better than being far from home and with his dad. He may be trying to change but that is going to take a lot of time and effort to prove. Also, today isn’t ideal because today is the day he is going to have to face He Tian for ignoring him all of yesterday.

Guanshan can’t decide if He Tian is going to be pissed or worried but either will make the redhead pleased. That idiot needs to learn his lesson. He should know by know how much things involving Kuai Hua bother him.

It’s a little surprising to Mo that he hasn’t even seen a glimpse of that dark hair or smug smirk yet. He would think He Tian would be early just so he could find him and talk to him. He is going to want answers and he is going to want them fast but Guanshan knows what he is doing. He still plans on ignoring him until he gets the proper apology he deserves with no damn excuses. That asshole needs to humbled. 

As Guanshan moves past some other students outside he sees him; he sees He Tian and boy does he look like he’s in a hurry. He pushes past some people that are in his way, eyes stuck on Guanshan who turns away once he is sure He Tian knew he saw him. It’s alright if it turns into a chase. Mo never said he would make the apology come out easily. 

 

“Guanshan!” He hears called after him but how could he turn when he knows exactly what this is doing to him? In a way it’s fun knowing just how much this is eating away at him. 

 

He Tian’s voice is gruff, he is trying to be stern but that isn’t how it’s going to be. He will not have the upper hand in this situation.

 

Mo maneuvers through the crowd, bumping into people as he does so causing complaints and people to yell at him but he ignores it. He’s used to people getting mad at him. He’s sure no one is saying anything to He Tian for pushing past them. That bastard can do anything he wants can’t he? Well not to Guanshan. He doesn’t fall easy to good looks and authority like all these other people.

 

“Oh hey, there you are.” Zhengxi stops him not really meaning to he just hasn’t seen him in a while. As his friend it’s normal to stop him and see how he’s been. “Has He Tian found you yet? He kept nagging me yesterday to get you to talk to him but I told him if you’re ignoring him, it’s probably for a good reason.”

 

“Yeah,” Guanshan huffs ready to move passed Zhengxi. All he is doing right now is slowing him down. “It’s a good reason.”

 

“So what he do this time?” He asks making Guanshan fidget in his spot. He needs to move before He Tian catches him.

 

“I’ll tell you later,” he quickly says, out of breath, about to move passed him but before he has the chance to get far, He Tian had caught his arm, pulling him to face him. He sure seems out of breath too. He seriously needs to quit smoking. 

 

“Come on, what’s the point in ignoring me like that, just now?” He Tian huffs. “Was Saturday and Sunday not enough?”

 

“You deserve more than that, asshole.” Guanshan grunts pulling his arm from the other, glaring up at him.

“I’m gonna leave you guys to it,” Zhengxi announces before heading off somewhere that isn’t there. Those two really go at it when they argue and the winner is almost alway Guanshan simply because he knows how to prove his point. For someone who isn’t a skilled linguist, he sure knows how to work his way around an argument. 

 

“Really?” He Tian chuckles but it is in no way pleasant. “ You’re going to be so immature? I told you why I couldn’t text you back.”

 

“It was an excuse,” Guanshan argues, “and a crappy one at that.”

 

The redhead begins to walk away again but He Tian is hot on his trail, not letting him get too far out of sight. This conversation is not over. For God’s sake he missed that kid. 

 

“You could have texted me telling me why you’re pissed instead of ignoring me,” He Tian offers making Guanshan turn on his heels making the taller boy halt in his spot. “I would have prefered that.”

 

“Really?” He questions aloud in this sarcastic sounding tone. He doesn’t give a shit what He Tian would have prefered. “I could have done that? Just like you could have texted me telling me Kuai Hua was over and that you could talk later? I would have prefered that!” Guanshan punches the idiot in his arm; not too hard but hard enough to show how mad he really is.

 

There is a silence that falls between them but He Tian picks it back up before he loses this guy in the crowd again. He finally has him talking and he can’t mess this up now. 

 

“You know how Kuai Hua can be,” He argues, getting a bit quieter so no one can overhear what he’s saying. “Anything involving you she goes crazy. I can’t even say your name when she’s around because-”

 

“She hates me,” Guanshan finishes the sentence himself, “I know. Anything to do with me she complains and is a bitch to you but if this bothers you so much why are you still dating her?”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you,” He Tian groans, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. He feels a headache coming on, “I’m not dating her.”

 

“Then act like it!” He yells pushing He Tian back, a few eyes turning to them now. He always gets physical when he gets too angry. “You cater to her like you’re in love or something and make her seem more important!”

 

He Tian raises a brow. He caught him. “More important than what exactly?” He questions with that damn stupid smirk the redhead hates so much and he shivers once he realizes what he just said.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbles looking to the ground. He can’t look at that oaf right now. If he does it will just give him away.

 

“Of course it does,” He Tian says in a way that leaves no room for an argument. His smirk is too big now and his stupid ego is back up and running. Guanshan prefered when he was fearful of the wrong he had done. 

 

“Are you jealous of her?” He Tian whispers in his ear once he gets close enough. 

 

The question causes a fire to start in the pit of Guanshan’s stomach. What kind of question is that? Who the hell does this guy think he is? What makes him so damn special?

 

“Excuse me?” Mo grumbles trying to hold back the anger that’s boiling inside him but that chuckle the taller boy gives doesn’t help in holding it back especially since he is so close to him, his breathing in his ear.

 

“It’s not a hard question, Guanshan,” He Tian teases in a whisper that makes the redhead chew his lip. He wants to bite his tongue but it’s becoming harder and harder for him to hold back. “Are you jealous of Kuai Hua?”

 

“I hate you so much,” Guanshan whispers, right before he gets the chance to explode. His voice gets louder now pushing He Tian away once again. “What makes you think you’re so great that I would want what Kuai Hua has? What makes you so damn special, huh?”

 

All eyes are on them now and the look on He Tian’s face is the one similar to when he was rejected after the kiss they shared back in middle school: pained and surprised. 

The two stand there, staring at each other as the students in the courtyard watch them for what’s going to happen next. They may be late to the show but anything to do with these two is exciting to witness. Their fights haven’t gotten insanely physical since they started getting along but their drama has always been addicting to see.

 

“What do you want from me?” He Tian finally asks, knowing that other students are watching them, feeling their eyes stare them down waiting for something interesting. 

 

“If you don’t know by now, you’ll never know.” Guanshan sighs. He’s given up on this fight. If He Tian doesn’t know what he’s done then he can live his life living in the dark. It won’t be Guanshan’s problem anymore.

 

“Do you want me to say I’m sorry?” He Tian questions, taking a step back towards his friend who steps back a little at that. He doesn’t want him close again, but he doesn’t move any farther when He Tian and him are chest to chest, the taller boy looking down at his sad face.

 

“I am,” He says quietly; gently just to make sure he doesn’t scare him away. He Tian lifts his hand, stroking the back of his fingers against Guanshan’s cheek. “I am sorry.”

 

“No you’re not,” Mo scoffs, pulling his face away from that soft touch. There is no way he can believe that crap.

 

“I am,” He Tian tries to reassure him, forehead resting against the top of Guanshan’s. “Trust me, I tried to text you back but she took my phone. I know that’s no excuse, I know but I’m sorry, Mountain. I mean that. Trust me. I missed you.”

 

He Tian’s hands come up to hold the sides of Guanshan’s face, fingers playing with his hair, leaving the two stuck in this stance that seems rather romantic. Mo’s own hands hold onto He Tian’s as he tries to think if it’s worth forgiving him. Those words he had said though, the way he said it:  _ I missed you _ ; it’s something Guanshan wanted to hear without even knowing that’s what he wanted. It rings in his ears like a dream he’s had before.

Guanshan throws He Tian’s hands from his face, looking to him with his normal stone faced look. He Tian just stands there, waiting for a word, a sound, anything that can be given to him.

 

“Whatever,” Guanshan finally sighs, “I missed you too.”

 

The second part almost goes unheard but He Tian catches it and that smirk is back. In all reality it couldn’t be gone long. The redhead groans when he sees it, turning away from his friend so he can head towards his first class. 

 

“Could you wipe that stupid, smug look off your face?” Guanshan calls back to him. “I may have forgiven you but that doesn’t mean I’m not still mad.”

 

“When aren’t you mad?” He Tian calls back, chuckling, strolling behind him with his hands in his pockets. 

 

He Tian simply watches as Mo moseys to his first class, smiling at the way he walks - no, something more simple than that - the way he moves. Or maybe he is smiling at the mere existence of this boy. Who knows, but whatever it is about Mo Guanshan, He Tian is painfully addicted to it.

 

                                                                                                                                               ~

 

Class is so boring. It’s never really interesting when it’s math class but still. Guanshan finds himself not really paying attention today, paying less attention than usual. Today is not even enough to fill in the answers on his worksheet. The outside seems much more interesting at this point in time, the way the tree branches shake in the wind. It looks relaxing. 

Nothing about Guanshan’s life is relaxing right now. His mother has been in constant fear since the court decided he had to go spend the weekends with his father and seeing the way she feels is painful for him. Living with his father is another thing that doesn’t help the stress on Mo’s shoulder. That man seems different but this feeling in this boy’s chest feels heavy like an anchor. Part of him knew he was going to forgive He Tian easily. He knows he needs him to get through this even if he doesn’t want his help. That guy has been there for him too much. 

Guanshan wonders if He Tian can fully understand just what he is going through with his seeing his dad again. How it felt when his mother got served those papers to go to court for joint custody. He wonders if he knows how the fear stuck him making it almost impossible to move when his mother told him. 

He Tian wasn’t there when Guanshan’s mother held him and as she was crying whispered that she wouldn’t let anything happen to her baby. He Tian wasn’t there when the court decided it was only fair for there to be joint custody and how Mo refused to come out of his room. He Tian doesn’t need to know that stuff...still it hurts to keep it from him.

 

_ “Guanshan, sweetie,” his mom had called to her seven year old son, kneeling down next to him a bit shaky in her voice, “daddy is going to be home soon, okay? I need you to go to your room.” _

_ “Why?” He questions, his voice so young, so innocent. “I wanted to see daddy when he came home. He promised to show me how to make beef stew today.” _

 

_ Guanshan’s mom looks her son in the eyes. She knows she should have sent him to bed hours ago but he was excited to see his father. He didn’t understand it was too late for dinner now and he didn’t understand that daddy wasn’t going to be himself when he came back home.  _

 

_ “Not tonight, sweetie, okay?” She urges as gently as she can, rubbing her son’s arms in his Power Ranger pajamas. “It’s bedtime now.” _

 

_ Her son reaches out to her face, rubbing a tear she didn’t know was falling down her cheek to wipe it away. “Why are you crying mommy?” _

 

_ Oh there’s no way Guanshan could know at that age. It didn’t start with him at all. The first person his father hurt was his mom and it was always when he was fast asleep. He never saw his mom cry, or the bruises she hid under her sleeves. He hadn’t seen his dad drink or the way he was when he would come home. _

_ The abuse started out slow and far in between. It only happened when her husband would get drunk and he only drank when something bad happened at the restaurant. They never knew it would get so bad.  _

_ After Mo was sent to bed and his father came home he didn’t see what he did to his mother. He didn’t hear her cry or beg him to stop and he didn’t see the bruises the next day. Those didn’t start showing up in visible places until Mo had turned eight and was getting hurt himself. _

_ The next day, Guanshan’s father taught him how to make beef stew, letting him put the spices and seasonings he felt fit the best even at such a young age. He didn’t smell like alcohol and he wasn’t angry. He had a smile on his face.  _

_ The abuse only happened when he drank, so he seemed safe when he was sober but there came a day when it was hard to catch him sober. There came a day when all a child could do was fear the hour his father came home. _

 

“Guanshan,” The teacher calls to him, “Guanshan, are you paying attention?”

 

Mo looks from the trees outside to the teacher who is glaring at him through his glasses. He simply just sits up in his seat shaking his head.

 

“No sir, I wasn’t,” he sighs, “sorry.”

 

                                                                                                                        ~

Lunch break really couldn’t come fast enough. When the lunch bell rang, Guanshan was quick to get up out of his seats and be able to get out of his thoughts. He is craving a distraction right now so food and friends seems like the best plan to help with that. 

Zhengxi was the first one at the table outside, quietly taking his lunch out of it’s bag. Guanshan rushes over, thinking he might owe this guy an apology. He did try to ignore him just so he could stay away from He Tian and that’s not exactly fair to someone like him. Zhengxi is a  saint compared to Guanshan and He Tian. It’s like he shouldn’t even be hanging around them at all but he still does.

When the redhead sits down he gives the other a quick, half-hearted smile. Zhengxi nods at him, acknowledging that he has noticed his arrival. 

 

“So are you He Tian good now?” are Zhengxi’s first words to Guanshan before he bites into his sandwich. 

 

For a second Mo is caught off guard at the question. He almost didn’t hear it properly but he gets his bearings. It does suck a lot at just how much they aren’t good at talking on their own; almost like they need He Tian to fill this awkward gap they have between them. It’s true they don’t have a wonderful past when back in middle school Guanshan hit the dude with a rock in the head. Still, it’s making things so weird. At least that is what Guanshan thinks is causing the gap.

 

“Oh, yeah,” he nods opening up his own lunch box to get the cold noodle he made for himself before bed last night, “things worked out.”

 

“Good,” Zhengxi says, not much enthusiasm in his voice as usual. “I didn’t think He Tian would last that much longer with you ignoring him. I thought he was going to explode when he kept texting me.”

 

“Yeah,” Guanshan laughs lightly, “he needed to learn his lesson.”

 

“So what he do?”

 

Mo sits there with his chopsticks in his food, not really moving to eat. He tries to concentrate on the conversation at hand so he can get out of the crappy mindset he has been in today.

 

“He ignored me all day for Kuai Hua.” he retorts, finally deciding to take a bite of his food. It isn’t often his mood leaves him unable to enjoy a meal but then again it’s been a long few days. 

“Okay, yeah” Zhengxi understands, “I get why that would piss you off.”

 

That seems to be the end of their conversation but luckily He Tian shows up just in time, wrapping an arm around Guanshan’s shoulders, pulling him closer with a dumb smile on his face.

 

“So what are we talking about over here?” He asks in a light hearted tone, reaching over to Mo’s food to try and pick at it with his fingers but he slaps his hand away. 

 

“How much of screw up you are,” Zhengxi says quickly, his attention on his sandwich more than their conversation. 

 

He Tian’s expression falls. “Well that’s not very nice.” He says, still draped over Guanshan’s shoulders.

 

“Could you get off me please?” Mo grumbles, shaking his body He Tian gets the idea so shake the fuck off of him. 

 

His arms drops back to his side, getting the picture but it doesn’t go without some words of parting.

 

“I don’t get why you hate when I touch you so much,” he shrugs, “but whatever.”

 

“Maybe because I just don’t like to be touched,” Guanshan throws back at him. It’s so easy for that guy to get on his nerves and the redhead will never understand why. “Ever think about that?”

 

He Tian completely ignores what Mo had just said. His attention is on his friend’s cold noodles that look so damn good.

 

“Can I have a bite of that?” he asks, pointing to Guanshan’s food. 

 

“Where’s your food?” Guanshan asks angrily. Why should he give up his food for He Tian? That greedy bastard.

 

“You usually make me lunch.” He Tian reminds him. Even if Guanshan taught him how to cook a little bit, he is much too lazy to even think about making something for himself.

 

“Well I was a little pissed at you so I didn’t think of making you anything.” 

A rare pout shows up on that idiot’s face. The redhead tries not to look at him or those stupid puppy dog eyes that will make him give in and allow him to share his lunch. He keeps looking over to He Tian from the corner of his eyes, the look not going away. Guanshan can’t take it and he gives in, sliding his container over to his friend, letting him pick at the food with his fingers. Usually he would get pissy about dirty hands in his food but right now he’s too tired to fight about it.

It becomes quiet between the three boys, just sitting there, eating their lunch not really saying anything until someone decides to pipe up. None of them really want to ask how Guanshan’s weekend was but then again they’re curious to how bad it really was. 

For He Tian he wants to know if his friend was safe the whole time; if that when they weren’t talking something bad had happened and that’s the real reason he was so upset with him for not texting back. He wants to know what he missed those two days but for someone without fear, He Tian is afraid to ask.

 

“So how’d it go at you dad’s?” Zhengxi ending up being the one with the balls to ask. He figured they might as well get it out of the way since it’s like an elephant in the room. 

 

Both He Tian and Guanshan stiffen at the mention of it. The tall boy sits there this the noodle hanging from his pinched fingers as he watches the redhead for a response. Mo just stares at the table, looking past his chopsticks but then he simply shrugs taking another bite. He is going to play this cool like nothing big had happened. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of anything yet.

 

“Dumb,” Guanshan mumbles as he chews and it isn’t necessarily a lie. He isn’t going to mention the restaurant. He also isn’t going to mention he possibly made a friend. Both of those things are either unimportant or with cause a problem so they aren’t worth mentioning; not yet anyway. “I was bored all Saturday cause my dad had this stupid long shift at work. I just went to a diner by myself and had lunch. Ling called me though. At least one friend contacted me.”

 

The blow was meant to hit He Tian and it does but it hit Zhengxi a bit too. “Sorry about that, by the way.” He mentions. “It was the first free Saturday I had in awhile so my sister kind of forced me to take her out.”

 

“No it’s fine,” Guanshan shrugs. Zhengxi’s sister is a reasonable excuse, He Tian’s girlfriend is not. “I understand.”

 

“Why does Zhengxi get forgiveness so quickly?” He Tian complains, keeping his eyes on Mo who won’t look back at him. He just rolls his eyes, concentrating on eating lunch which his friend ate the most of.

 

“Because Zhengxi’s not an asshole,” Guanshan points out then slides his food container back over to in front of him. “By the way, you’re cut off. I’d like to actually eat some of my lunch.”

 

“Did you guys do anything together at all?” Zhengxi asks curiously. It seems strange to him for Guanshan’s dad to fight so hard for partial custody and then just leave him and do nothing with his son all weekend. 

 

“Kind of,” Mo sighs as he tries to fight of He Tian from eating more of his noodles. “He made me breakfast then we went to the movies. Nothing special really.”

 

“What did you see?” He Tian asks.

 

“I don’t really remember.” he lies instead of thinking of any possible movie that could have come out. “I stayed on my phone the whole time. I didn’t really care.”

 

There isn’t much argument against that. It makes sense that Guanshan wouldn’t want to pay attention to whatever his dad had chosen to do for them. He’s glad too that they believe him and he’s also glad for once that’s he’s a disrespectful brute. It helped it out in a lie.

Conversations turn into better ones that help get Mo’s mind off what it was on. Zhengxi invite him and He Tian over after school to play some video games which sounds nice after such an uncomfortable weekend. It seems like forever since the last time they played together and it seems like forever since Guanshan was actually in the mood to play. Today that’s changed for sure because he wants to beat He Tian so bad that he’s close to breaking the controller (he has broken one of Zhengxi’s controllers before and had to buy him a new one).

Sometime Guanshan wonders how the hell he was able to get some real people to be his friends even if they do piss him off sometimes. It’s mostly He Tian that pisses him off and back in middle school he thought he was just some fake asshole but he proved himself over the years. It actually didn’t take much and honestly Zhengxi and Jian Yi just came as a bonus. Of course Guanshan still has Ling, the only guy from his old gang that still talks to him and who he has known since they were little. His life here is good, a little too good and he for sure doesn’t want to have his dad be a part of it even if he is changing. All Mo Guanshan wants is to be comfortable and up at his dad’s place is anything but that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! I hope you liked it! I will try and update again soon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO FREAKING SORRY ABOUT THIS LONG ABSENCE! A long stressful move plus writers block plus depression...well that's the recipe to pore motivation.   
> Anyway here's chapter 6. Hope it's up to par for you guys.   
> Dang I've missed this story haha

 

Spending time with someone who isn’t Zhengxi and He Tian doesn’t happen often even if it is Ling. Today Guanshan had found some time for him, helping him watch his little brother and sister before going to He Tian’s to make him dinner. 

It’s nice that even if some of his night will be around loud five year olds he will get to spend his time around someone who doesn’t get much of his attention anymore. Guanshan would like to spend more time with Ling and now it’s harder since every weekend is now spent a bit too far out of reach. 

Guanshan rings the doorbell. Once he does he can hear Ping and Sying yelling and running around from behind the door. He tries not to smirk at the thought of Ling doing his best to round them up so he can get the door. When it opens Guanshan has to look down to greet the little girl at his feet.

“Guanshan!” She cheers wrapping her arms around his legs, holding tight so it’s difficult to stand. The redhead never liked when Sying would do this but she’s young and likes him so he never gets upset with her. 

 

“Come on, Sying,” Ling sighs coming up behind her. “Guanshan doesn’t like when you hold onto him like that.”

 

“Does too,” she argues back making her older brother roll his eyes. 

 

“Seriously let go of him.” Ling sounds a bit more serious than before. “You and Ping have to go lie down and take your naps. Mom said so.”

 

“Why don’t you have to nap?” She whines, releasing Guanshan’s legs, crossing her arms in a huff. Ling may love his siblings but damn do they exhaust him.

 

“I wish I could,” He says to he, guiding her back towards the living room, letting Mo follow them. “But because I’m older I have to stay awake and make sure you guys are okay. Now go upstairs and take a nap. I’ll get you in an hour for a snack so you can bother Guanshan later.”

 

Sying grumbles under her breath as she makes her way to the stairs, climbing up them as she looks longfully back at Guanshan. Once she disappears the redhead snorts.

 

“Why does she like me so much?” He asks. “No one likes me that much.”

 

Ling simply shrugs, plopping down on the couch, arms stretched across the back of it. “I don’t know man.” He sighs. “You’re my only friend I bring over that pays her any attention so maybe that’s it.”

 

“Whatever.” Mo says taking a seat in the chair next to him. It’s been awhile since he has come over that he almost forgot what Ling’s house looked like. He had missed how quiet it is whenever his friend’s parents were at work and he missed being able to hear Ling’s little sibling babbling to each other through the floorboards. 

 

Guanshan hasn’t missed the way Ling’s parents despised him though or how they looked at him when Sying got close to him. It’s hard growing up with a friend whose parents can’t stand you or think you’re nothing but a delinquent. Guanshan gets it; he understands but it’s painful when for a while Ling was all he had when it came to friendship. 

 

“When will your parents be home?” He asks setting his bag down. He might as well get comfortable if he is going to be a little while. He doesn’t need to be at He Tian’s until six thirty so he has a few hours.

 

“After five.” Ling says not really caring too much. “Wanna play video games or tell me about your sucky weekend that you haven’t told me everything about? Your dad still got a temper?”

 

Guanshan leans back in the chair, breathing in heavily through his nose then back out his mouth in hopes it’ll settle his nerves on the topic. Mo promised himself he wasn’t going to tell anyone besides his mom about the whole restaurant thing his dad is attempting to handle again. It isn’t time to bring that kind of thing fully out in the open. 

 

“Let’s just play video games.” Guanshan sighs doing what he can to make himself comfortable. 

 

Ling snickers as he gets up. “That bad, huh?”

 

“I just talked about it enough and don’t want to repeat myself.” He half lies. “He Tian has been nagging me about it even though I already told him and Zhengxi everything that happened.”

 

“Well,” Ling says kneeling in front of the game console to put something in, “you know how uh...protective He Tian can be.”

 

The redhead gives the back of his friend’s head a weird look. “Protective?”

“Protective is my choice of words, yes.” Ling confirms but still Guanshan is confused at what exactly he is trying to say. He doesn’t understand how protective goes along with annoying nagging.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

When Ling stands he gives a light laugh like he can’t believe Guanshan doesn’t get it. “He keeps asking you if the weekend went okay, right? Like checking to see if you’re not lying?”

 

“Yeah,” he answers confused, “so?”

 

“He cares.” Ling says flatly. “A bit too much.” He then throws Guanshan the controller, making his way back to his seat on the couch.

 

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

 

His friends sighs heavily, getting annoyed with the lack of understanding. He decides if Mo doesn’t get it now then he doesn’t want to know yet so the topic is going be dropped. Still, it’s shocking that after being friends with He Tian for a couple years and getting so close that he still doesn’t see that guy’s intentions. 

 

“It just seems he wants to be a closer friend than what he is.” Ling tries to cover his tracks a little without seeming suspicious. 

 

Guanshan shorts. He is trying not to laugh too hard. “He's already as much a friend as he can be.”  he says. “What more could we be?”

 

“Who knows, man.” 

 

Being at Ling’s was like being on vacation for Guanshan.  He needed the break from talking about his dad. He needed a little break from He Tian’s nagging before he went and made dinner for him. The poor guy just needs a break from everything all together and his old friend was the best help he could get for that.

Guanshan allows himself into He Tian’s apartment with the key he had lent to him quite a while ago when their relationship was strictly business. Come to think of it, lending him a key back then was a terrible idea because if he wanted to, Guanshan could have snuck in, in the middle of the night just to strangle him. It is possible He Tian knew very well he could survive a surprise attack. Somehow he always seemed to be able to read the redhead like a book.

 

“Well, hello, hello.” He Tian smiles from his counter when he sees Guanshan enter carrying grocery bags. 

 

“Hey,” he replies not too into it. He can’t stop wondering what Ling meant about He Tian.

Guanshan drops the bags on the counter before going to look for the pots and pans he will need for tonight.

 

“That’s not much of a greeting,” He Tian teases tipping back his water bottle for a drink. That’s when Guanshan notices he looks flushed, with sweat practically pouring down his face.

 

“Why are you all sweaty?” He questions, dropping the wok on the stove top before he begins to remove the groceries from their assigned bags. 

 

“Zhengxi and I played some basketball while you were with Ling.” He smiles then takes another sip of water. “Just got home.” 

 

Guanshan is a little surprised to hear He Tian and Zhengxi spent time together alone. They’re both kind of weird loners and only hang out when it’s all three of them. Still, there is a good chance, now that Guanshan isn’t around as often that they’re going to find closer friends in each other. 

He Tian rises from his spot at the counter, waltzing around to get closer to the redhead. He watches him as he cuts into an onion, looking him up in down all while being ignored.

 

“What are we having?” He Tian asks shortening the gap between them even more.

 

“Stir fry,” Guanshan replies quickly, “nothing special.” 

How this boy lets it get so quiet between them He Tian will never know, yet part of him enjoys that. He enjoys this disinterest Guanshan always carries around him even if they’re closer than they were in high school. This disinterest Mo has in him could always last if he holds onto it. 

He tian dips his head, lips almost touching Guanshan’s ear. When his breath touches the pale skin Guanshan jerks away still not looking at the other. He simply rolls his eyes, he’s used to the way He Tian acts. 

 

“I’m gonna hop in the shower.” He whispers. This is what makes Guanshan stop with a grimace on his face.

 

“Okay?” He says back giving him a perplexed look. Why did it sound like an invitation? Why did he even need to know?

“Don’t miss me.” He Tian says as he walks away making Guanshan scoff.

 

“Easy.”

 

Everything is prepped for dinner, ready to go in the wok. From the kitchen, Guanshan can hear the shower running even over the sizzling of the food in the oil. It almost matches the sound in this strange way and it’s comforting. He Tian’s is comforting no matter how much Guanshan doesn’t want to admit it but his house is like home. Everything is familiar and he know it as well as his place as if he had actually lived here. 

Being here as often as he is, Guanshan feels almost privileged. No one is here as often as him not even Kuai Hua. It’s funny how she treats herself like she is more important and it sucks when He Tian makes her seem that way. No matter how it is, it’s good that it’s just him and He Tian tonight.

In the middle of his sauteing there is a knock at the door. Guanshan looks over confused to who could be here. More than likely it’s Zhengxi with something he needs to give back to He Tian but he can’t exactly open the door while he’s cooking.

 

“He Tian!” Guanshan yells hoping he is almost done with the shower but he gets no reply. There’s another knock at the door making the redhead groan. “He Tian!” He calls again but no answer. That fucker.

 

Guanshan turns the stove down to a lower temperature so he doesn’t need to keep such a close eye on it. He rushes over to the door before whoever is behind it doesn’t rush off. Guanshan didn’t expect this.

 

“Well are you going to let me in?” Kuai Hua asks with malice. She looks Guanshan up and down with such a judgemental expression it makes him want to slam the door in her face.

 

“What are you doing here?” He asks instead of letting her in. He is actually trying his best to block her from coming in. She isn’t supposed to be here.

 

“He Tian invited me.” She says like he should have known then pushes past his arm so she could get in.

 

How could He Tian do that? Mo shuts the door and turns to see that idiot standing there in his towel with dripping hair. He simply gives him this certain look that says it all. Even He Tian is standing there like he got caught in the mistake of a lifetime.

 

“I can explain.” He tries to defend but his friend isn’t having it. 

“You better fucking explain,” Guanshan does his best not to yell. “I was never told I was cooking for a fucking date. Thought it was just us.”

 

He Tian motions for Mo to come to him so Kuai Hua can’t hear their conversation. She just rolls her eyes and heads towards the kitchen.

 

“I didn’t invite her,” He whispers but the look on Guanshan’s face doesn’t really look like he believes him. “I didn’t. She invited herself.”

 

“Why didn’t you, oh I don’t know,” Guanshan argues, “tell her no?”

 

“I did.” He tries his best to defend, “but when I told her it was just you and me for dinner she said she didn’t want me alone with you. There was no stopping her from coming. I honestly thought she would just end up forgetting about it. That’s why I didn’t tell you about it.”

 

Mo can’t believe his ears. He can’t be alone with his friend? He needs his stupid girlfriend to supervise them? No, thats absolute bullshit.

 

“I don’t want her here,” is his argument but there seems to be nothing he can do about that. 

 

“You think I do?” He Tian asks straightening up. “Please, just tonight and I won’t let this happen again. I want to spend time with you not her. You’re the one I miss when you’re gone.”

 

Guanshan rolls his eyes. “Okay, don’t say stupid shit just to make me feel better.” He says. “Fine, but this better not happen again. You owe me.”

 

“Okay, I owe you.” he winks. “Anything you want, whenever you want.”

 

 

                                                                                                                                 ~

 

There has probably never been a more uncomfortable situation than this one right now; sitting here, eating with He Tian’s whatever she is. It’s more quiet than any situation Guanshan has been in before, he could choke on this awkwardness. The only sound is chewing and the sound of the chopsticks hitting the glass of the square plates.

“The food’s a little overdone.” Kuai Hua offhandedly comments, looking at a piece of broccoli like a snake between her chopsticks.

 

“Well it wouldn’t be if you didn’t come over.” Guanshan spits. “Couldn’t exactly keep an eye on the food when a self-righteous-”

 

“ _ Guanshan _ .” He Tian warns. He knew what was coming next and he isn’t going to let a fight start over something stupid like that comment on the food.

 

“Be nice,” he says this to Kuai Hua. “Guanshan was nice enough to let you stay for dinner. The least you can do is be appreciative.”

 

She just rolls her eyes, dropping the broccoli on the plate going for a piece of chicken instead. Guanshan does his best to ignore what she said about his cooking. Sure the vegetables are a bit soft but isn’t like the whole meal is ruined.

 

“You do this a lot?” Kuai Hua ask, “Cook for He Tian I mean.”

 

“Uh,” It isn’t often she talks to him directly, “yeah I guess so.”

 

“Hm,” she hums, examining a pea pod. It seems strange. 

 

This girl gives off the worst energy of anyone Guanshan has met before and he used to be kind of close to Shi Li. She feels like a tiny ball of anger ready to attack anything that may challenger. Kuai Hua is scarier than He tian when Guanshan first met him and that guy was pretty terrifying in the beginning. Now he’s just a puppy with a dominance problem but he has a good feeling that isn’t how Kuai Hua is.

 

“It’s a little girly being a cook isn’t it?” She then asks. The redhead glares at her.

 

“How is it girly to know how to take yourself?” He replies with an attitude filled tone. “And why is girly an insult?”

 

“I just think it’s weird how you cook for He Tian like your his wife.”

 

Guanshan stands quickly from his chair; he’s ready to leave without another word, leave the mess in the kitchen to He Tian. He stands there for a moment, face red and fueled by anger with both of them looking up at him from their seats. Guanshan half thinks He Tian is going to side with Kuai Hua but he’s a better guy than that and he’d like to prove it.

 

“Guanshan sit back down.” He says calmly turning back to Kuai Hua. “Leave him alone before I kick you out for being rude.”

 

“Excuse me?” She scoffs as if there wasn’t one wrong thing she had done. “I’m not the one who had the outburst.”

 

“You’re the one pressing his buttons because you think it’s funny.” He Tian informs her and the defense is making Guanshan more comfortable to sit back down. I feels good to be the one more welcome. “Either you’re nice to him or you leave.”

 

Kuai Hua sighs, “Alright, fine.” She gives defeat. “I had a real question to ask you anyway.”

 

Wonderful. Why would she have a question for Guanshan when she can barely stand to look at him. It’s probably something inherently rude so he does his best to not pay too much attention to her. He doesn’t even respond to her, just plays with his food, stirring it around on the plate before putting it in his mouth.

 

“So Guanshan,” she starts with a much sweeter tone. Must be the voice she used to snatch up He Tian. “I have this friend.”

 

“Oh wow, you have friend?” He pretends to be shocked. “Who knew.”

 

Kuai Hua ignores the sarcasm so she can continue. “And she’s single.”

 

Oh. No he gets it. “Good for her.” Guanshan says putting a mouthful of food into his mouth. “More power to her.”

 

Kuai Hua does her best not to get annoyed but it’s easy to see her control slowly diminish as this conversation goes on. “And you’re single, Guanshan.”

 

“Really?” he asks dramatically, voice tainted with sarcasm. “You don’t say. You know, I had no clue.”

 

“You could date her.” Kuai Hua finally comes out with instead of beating around the bush. She was getting nowhere with that. “She isn’t picky.”

 

“Not interested.” he tells her without even looking at her. 

“Why?”

 

“Cause I’m not?”

 

“What are you, gay?”

 

Guanshan drops his utensils. “That’s it,” Guanshan yells and he yells this to He Tian. “I can’t take this, I can’t handle her or her bullshit. I’m leaving, I’m-”

 

Quickly, He Tian gets up from his spot going over to Guanshan who is freaking out. This is all his fault for actually thinking Kuai Hua wouldn’t show up. This is his own fault. 

 

“Hey, relax,” he does his best to sooth him. “It’s not you who has to go.”

 

“Tell her that!”

 

“You’re such a drama queen.” she says, “It was just a question. Get over it.”

 

“Get out.” He Tian orders, calmly, collectively but this type of stern even Guanshan hasn’t heard before. He’s angry; a legitimate type of anger delivered by something deep within him.

 

“What did you just say to me?” Kuai Hua challenges, acting as if He Tian has no right to kick her out of his own home.

 

“I said get out.” His voice raises enough to make her and Guanshan tremble. “You’ve been nothing but rude the minute you walked in. Guanshan let you stay when he only cooked for him and I and you had the audacity to treat him the way you did. Get out of my house, I don’t even want to look at you right now.”

 

It takes a moment for it to actually register that He Tian is being serious. Kuai Hua says nothing more, grabs her jacket and storms out, slamming the door behind her. 

Guanshan chews his lip, unsure of why what she said pissed him off so much. He figures it was just everything she was doing and just her being there in general. He doesn’t know why he gets so angry at small things and the only thing he is happy about is that He Tian doesn’t care about that.

 

“Thank you.” Guanshan whispers.

 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He says, reaching out to stroke Guanshan’s shoulder. “I guess I really do owe you now.”

 

The redhead snorts. “Yeah,” he says, “you can clean the kitchen.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a long while guys and I'm sooooooo sorry. But hey it's up now and I hope it doesn't seem like I'm lagging. Just certain chapters don't give me umph but I hope this puts a little umph in your step. Hope you guys like it!

It isn’t big but it will work for just the weekends. His dad seems pretty proud of it though; proud that he could finally get him one. Honestly, it’s just a dresser and it doesn’t make this place seem any more like home. It just sits adjacent to his bed, taking up space in an already tiny room. Guanshan just looks at it from the doorway with his arms crossed while his dad opens each drawer to tell him what they could be used for. Why do parents do that as if what they’re talking about isn’t already blatantly clear? 

“So you like it?’ His dad checks, smile on his face looking like an idiot.

“Yeah, it works,” Guanshan nods. “Not a bad find.”

“Good, good.” he nods back, turning to look into the room beside his son. 

It’s a lonely bedroom, anyone can see that. The thin blankets lay on the lumpy mattress lazily not even covering the full thing. Just one pillow rests against the frame, the pale yellow on the walls acting like it belongs when it’s clear that it doesn’t. The orange brownish carpet is what really ties it all together though, clashing with walls. There is no making this room home or at least that’s how it feels. 

“We’ll make it better, Momo.” His dad says softly. Mo doesn’t look up, he just keeps his eyes on the floor.

“Yeah.” He nods, voice low, melancholy.

His dad watches him from the corner of his eye trying to think of anything that he could say to make the situation better. He knows the room isn’t any teenage boy’s dream bedroom. There’s no rock posters, no half naked girl posters either. No video game console, no books, computer or knick knacks. There’s nothing to make this home, not even a TV to at least drown out any boredom Guanshan could be experiencing here.

“Maybe one day you could have a friend over.” He offers carefully and Guanshan has to hold back a snort. “I’d like to meet them you know?”  
There is no way in hell Guanshan would ever allow He Tian to come up here just to start trouble with his dad. Besides, it’s too far for him to have to come. The only friend of his that has even met his dad is Ling and he doesn’t want to drag him back into that mess. Zhengxi would behave but he also doesn’t want him to get close to his dad in any form. His friends simply don’t belong up here. Guanshan would rather be lonely and bored.

“Maybe one day,” he sighs making his way to his bed, plopping down and pulling out his handheld. His dad still stands in the doorway, watching him as if he might climb out the window. 

“Dad,” Guanshan says once he notices he’s still there, “I’ll think about it, okay? Just don’t nag me about it.”

“I get it.” He nods, moving to leave. “Goodnight, son.” 

On his way out he shuts the door behind him so Guanshan can be completely alone. He realizes the mistakes he made in the past and he can understand his son’s hesitation. He just wishes it wasn’t so strong and he really wishes he didn’t make those mistakes back then when Mo was small. He’s aware he has to pay for what he’s done.

Guanshan lies on his bed, playing his video game, not really thinking. The last thing he wants to do is think right now. His week at school went by so quickly and he never knew he would miss school so much or wish he could actually be in class. Guanshan also didn’t know his weekends would become the thing he dreads most.  
He knows his dad is trying to fix himself up and do better, he just doesn’t want to be around until it’s confirmed. Hoping for something is in no way Guanshan’s style so he always expects the worst so he isn’t disappointed. It’s proven helpful over the years.  
Mo’s phone starts to vibrate in his pocket. He pauses his game, dropping the handheld beside his leg. He digs his phone out of his pocket not too shocked to see that it’s He Tian calling. That guy can’t leave him alone for two minutes after he leaves.

“Two hours.” Guanshan says into the phone. His tone is a bit lighter. “Better than last time.”

“Well I wouldn’t want to bother you too much.” He Tian jokes. “I’m testing myself to see how long I could really last without you.”

“Not long, apparently.” He says to him, grabbing his handheld so he can keep playing while talking to him.

Even though He Tian is annoying and at some points slightly creepy, it’s nice having him around telling him it’s hard not having him around. The only person that ever says that to him is his mom but she has to feel that way - she’s his mom. 

“I think I would die without you, Mountain.” He Tian groans dramatically through the receiver and it makes Guanshan roll his eyes.

“Doubt it.” He tells him as he presses buttons on his game. “You can kinda cook now so you won’t starve to death or have a heart attack from all the takeout.”

There’s a pause on He Tian’s end. He’s a tad bit offended at that last statement.

“Do you think I’m friends with you for the food?” He asks.

Not many things make He Tian nervous but the answer to this question does. If Guanshan says yes then he has been portraying himself in a very incorrect way. That isn’t at all how he wanted to be viewed and he is going to have to up his game. If Guanshan says no then he knows he’s moving in the right direction. How the redhead views is very important to him.

“No, I’m not stupid.” Guanshan laughs a little. “I know you have no friends.”

He Tian feels relaxed at that answer even if he is right. His only friends (meaning real friends) are Mo and Zhengxi. Jian Yi was on that list but now he’s gone. That of course doesn’t matter though that his list of friends is tiny. He’s just glad Guanshan is on it and willing to be.  
The list is endless of why He Tian adores this kid and now he sits at his counter, smiling like an idiot unable to say something back. All he can think of is the redhead, wondering if he is in his pajamas yet or if he’s lying on his bed. He wonders if he’s smiling too; if he’s sitting there unable to do anything too because he’s happy they have each other to talk to. 

“You alive?” Guanshan asks. He Tian has been quiet for much too long for someone who usually talk his ear off.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Just thinking, that’s all.”

It’s Mo’s turn to go quiet. He wonders if it’s Kuai Hua that He Tian is thinking about. They are close and Guanshan is sure they still aren’t talking. Honestly it’s probably for the better but he can’t help but feel bad when she’s the closest thing He Tian has had for a girlfriend.

 

“Is it Kuai Hua?” Guanshan finally decides to come out and ask, voice low and quiet. He wasn’t sure if he should bring it up because they haven’t brought it up since it happened a few day ago. 

He Tian snorts into the phone. He is doing his best not to laugh. “No, I’m not thinking about her.”

“Is she still not talking to you?” Guanshan wonders, putting his handheld back down so he can just concentrate on their conversation. Last he knew, Kuai Hua wasn’t speaking to He Tian which is unusual for when she is mad.

“Not a single text or phone call,” He Tian tells him. He isn’t concerned about her. He’s sure it will take a week or so for her to reach out to him again if she misses him that much.

Mo chews on his bottom lip. He feels like it’s his fault that this happened. He just can’t stand Kuai Hua or the rude way she acts. He would prefer to just have He Tian without her around and of course he doesn’t think that should be too much to ask for. Guanshan didn’t think about making them angry at each other. He doesn’t even believe that He Tian doesn’t have her on his mind. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Mo sighs, “but I’m kind of sorry for making you kick her out.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He Tian laughs lightly. How cute of him to think he’s done something bad when he’s doing just what he wants him to do; to show his true colors around him. “I’ve seen her be a bitch but that was too far. And I told you that I prefered us to be alone.”

Guanshan doesn’t say anything. There’s this feeling in his chest that’s heavy. He feels it might be guilt but he isn’t going to try to put a name to the feeling or else he will just give himself a headache.  
In the midst of the silence a sly smile spreads across He Tian’s lips. He can only imagine the redhead’s face. He loves when that caring side comes out and it’s been coming out a lot more with the distance between them every week. 

“Besides,” His voice becomes teasing, “I like when you get jealous. You’re cute when you’re angry.”

Mo rolls his eyes. “Don’t call me cute.” He grumbles. “I don’t want you calling me that.”

“By the way,” He Tian says, “I still owe you one. Cleaning the kitchen isn’t good enough.”

“Then what do I get?” Mo asks and on the other end He Tian is thinking of all the scenarios Guanshan could come up with.

“That, my friend,” He Tian says, “is up to you.”

~

It’s Saturday once again with nothing for Guanshan to do in this unfamiliar town. He could text He Tian but he was on the phone with him far past midnight and he’s sure that guy is still sleeping. He could call Ling but he knows for a fact he’s busy watching his little brother and sister. He could also call Zhengxi but...what the hell would they talk about? It’s better he doesn’t bother any of them today and figure out his own thing to do.  
Guanshan currently sits on the couch in the living room, scrolling through his contacts even if there is no one to talk to and he knows that. He could talk to him mom but alas she too is busy working. One last time he scrolls through the contacts, noticing a name he forgot he had actually put in his phone.

Eric

For a moment Guanshan thinks it over. This Eric guy did say he would love to show him around town and spend time with him. He was weirdly nice when he met him but this is his best chance at a good time today. Usually he would rather be alone but not here in this cruddy, unfamiliar apartment. 

Whatever. Fuck it.

Hey, Eric it’s Guanshan. He writes, sending it. Then he immediately feels like he is going to have no idea who the hell Guanshan is.

The guy you gave your number to last week. He clarifies, just to be safe but he also sent two texts. He hopes he doesn’t look stupid or like a nervous little kid.

The text back is almost immediate. I give my number to a lot of guys. Clarify?

Great, another He Tian; a stupid jokester. Right when Guanshan is about to ignore the last text and give up he gets another text.

I’m kidding. He sent. I’m not like that, of course I remember who you are. Did you want to take me up on my offer? I’m lucky enough to have the day off today.

Okay, not a jokester. That’s good news. The offer also isn’t a bad one. Guanshan needs to get to know this town and a lot would say he needs to make more friends. 

Sure. Guanshan writes back. He doesn’t know the correct things to say or how to say them. How do you make new friends? The redhead’s friends seem to just appear in his life and never disappeared. 

 

Okay. lol. Eric says. Meet me at the diner since you know where that is. I’m sure you don’t want a strange dude where you live.

There’s a lot of strange dudes where I live. Mo writes but it’s true. He doesn’t want Eric here at his dad’s at all. I’ll meet you at the diner. He sends after to clarify that the spot he decided is fine.

Getting to know someone, especially a complete stranger or at least close to it is unnerving for Guanshan. He isn’t what someone would call a social butterfly or a kind person. For God’s sake he is barely what anyone would call a friend in general. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous which is what he keeps telling himself in his head as he walks to the diner.  
On the outside, Mo keeps his cool which is something his dad had actually taught him a long time ago. He doesn’t even realize he is doing it. He simply walks down the street; straight faced, listening to music as he has a fight with himself inside of his mind.  
It’s a common believe that Guanshan doesn’t get nervous and only his close friends and his mother know how untrue that it. This situation is just weird to him. Making friends is weird and not what Mo thought he would be doing at seventeen. He figured he was all set with that. He just hopes as he walks to that diner that Eric isn’t actually some crazy axe murderer luring his prey or something.  
Guanshan stops on the sidewalk just to tell his brain to shut up for a second. Something he loves to do is expect the worst when it comes to anything. He thought the worst of his father and he still expects the worse from him. He expects Ling to go to a far away college because damn is that kid smart. He expects the same with Zhengxi and that’s two friends gone. Jian Yi already disappeared and that sucks still. Now, He Tian… .  
When will He Tian disappear or leave him? There is this constant fear of Guanshan’s that he is simply a game. He’s known from the beginning that He Tian likes to tease and play games with some people. He knows there is a way for his evil side to show. Guanshan knows a lot about He Tian but not everything. It’s the unknown that scares him; it’s the unknown that makes their friendship uneasy. He simply wishes he could answer that question: When is He Tian going to abandon him?

Guanshan sighs, removing his headphones from his ears. “Guanshan?” He hears like his name has been called more than once. He looks up finding he is much closer to the diner than he originally thought and Eric is waving to him. Mo speeds up, stuffing his headphones into his pocket as he makes his way over to him a tiny bit quicker than he was moving before.  
“How’d you know it was me?” Mo asks kind of shyly. He has no idea what he’s doing here or how to start a conversation. He’s just going to let this guy do most of the talking.

Eric smiles sweetly. “Not many guys around here have red hair.” He then makes a quick glance at the red locks with that same smile. “You’re easy to spot.”

For a minute Guanshan actually forgot he has red hair. He turns a tiny bit pink from embarrassment. “Oh.” He says with not much dialogue afterwards. It’s now quiet between them but Eric is quick on that.

“So are you hungry?” He asks gesturing towards the diner. “I thought before we go on our little adventure we should eat something.”

“Oh, sure.” He agrees just kind of going along with what Eric wants. That’s not usually how Guanshan is but he’s a little different than he was in middle school and he doesn’t want to be bored when he comes up here. 

“We don’t have to,” Eric lets him know. He doesn’t want to force Mo to do something he doesn’t want to do. “Whatever you want, honestly.”

Mo shifts uncomfortably. He doesn’t want that responsibility. “You know this town better than I do.” He tells him. “We can get food first. I don’t really care.” 

Guanshan wants to seem aloof; appear to not be nervous and he has a good feeling he isn’t pulling that off because of the way Eric is smirking at him. It’s not like He Tian’s smirks where he looks like a douchey know-it-all but it looks like he can see right through him. His smirk is sweeter, like he cares and for some reason that’s scarier than when He Tian does it.

“Alright,” he chuckles, looking Mo up and down, “food it is then. My treat.”

The redhead grumbles, walking past the other. “I don’t need a handout, you know?” 

Guanshan’s whole “lack of money” thing he has going is complicated. When it comes to He Tian that asshole is loaded and loves to show it around. Besides Mo wasn’t going to be a cook for him for free, but a handout like this from a man who is practically a stranger and doesn’t seem to be loaded; that doesn’t sit well with him. Guanshan can pay for his own food with the money his dad has been leaving him on Saturdays so he isn’t bored. He’s actually beginning to save any change left over so he can just build up a little cash.

“It isn’t a handout.” Eric tries to explain gently. He keeps the smile on his face, finding the attitude that seems from Guanshan’s pores rather charming. He wonders what makes him so feisty. “I’m just trying to be nice.”

“Why are you being nice to someone you barely even know?” Guanshan wonders aloud. Nice is weird. Smart asses, playful wit and teasing, silence and lame conversations; that’s what’s normal.

“Maybe so you’ll like me.” Eric laughs walking beside Mo, studying his hard facial features that never seem to rest. He looks like the poster boy for when your mother tells you stop making a certain face so it just sticks that way. “Should I try something else? Should I grumble and glare at things like you?”

Mo shoots a look up at Eric who regrets what he said just a little. “Okay, okay,” He chuckles, holding his hands up in defense jokingly, “I’ll stick to nice. At least then I don’t get the death stare.” 

“I’m just not used to it.” Guanshan admits, shoving his hands in his pockets as they make their way into the diner.

“So, you’re friends are jerks?” He questions finding it strange for someone to have friends but none of them act “friendly”. 

“One, yeah.” Mo shrugs like it’s nothing just before taking his seat at a booth. “And one’s quiet and doesn’t talk much and another is philosophical and always giving me advice I don’t want to hear.”

Eric takes a seat across from Guanshan as he listens quietly and patiently. He likes hearing him talk. Probably because he looks like someone who doesn’t like to talk much yet here he is calmly talking about the people he hangs out with. Even with that hard look, cold eyes and permanent grumpy tone, he is wonderful to listen to.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Eric asks making Mo give him a look like that’s the weirdest question anyone has ever asked him. Does he look like he has a girlfriend?

“Why?” He asks slowly, sitting up straight feeling like he needs to get as far away as possible. He hates when his dad asks this question, why would a very unfamiliar person asking be any better? 

“I don’t know.” Eric kind of just shrugs, resting his chin on his hand, peering over at Guanshan with soft, kind eyes. “You’re cute. I would think you’re with someone.”

“Well I’m not.” Guanshan states sounding annoyed. “And don’t call me cute. I don’t want a guy calling me cute.”

“I’ll keep my opinions to myself then.” Eric promises then picks up a menu to hand it to Guanshan. “Tell me what you want. I’ll go tell them myself.”

Mo already knows he is just going to get the sandwich he got last week. He doesn’t mix it up too much when he goes out. He lets Eric know so he can go take care of it.  
To be comfortable enough to just walk up to the counter like he does, going behind it while he’s not on shift, Eric must have been working here for a while. Guanshan wonders how long he has lived in China or if he plans on living here forever. He also wonders if he is here with parents. It’s occurring to him now that he hasn’t asked how old he is.  
Eric looks young; at least close to Guanshan’s own age if he isn’t the same. The redhead watches him from the table trying not to be too obvious he is starring as he figures this out. At the moment Eric is talking to some girl; a pretty girl who is smiling a lot while they talk. Can at least one of his friends not be a chick magnet? Even one he just met is good with them.  
Ling has a girlfriend that he doesn’t really hang out with too often but they’re okay with that. Zhengxi doesn’t flirt but damn do the girls like him. It’s like he gets a haircut and girls are drooling. He Tian even has...well he has a Kuai Hua which is like a girlfriend just more bitchy and more demanding. Seems Guanshan is the only one alone.

“Hey, Guanshan,’ Eric chimes, pulling the girl he was talking to by the hand, “this is Chen. She’s my best friend, I wanted you guys to meet. You guys might get along.”

Mo doesn’t know what to say to her so he gives a weak smile. She looks at him sideways like she is studying him.  
“You look familiar.” Chen says carefully still starring. Guanshan just shrugs at her because he really doesn’t know her but then her face lights up. “Oh my God! I used to go to school with you!”

Oh no.

“You did?” He’s still looking at her like she’s nuts. He can’t place her face for the life of him. He also doesn’t get how she’s seems so happy that she remembers him. No one would be happy to remember him. 

“I moved away a long time ago.” Chen waves off then takes a seat in Eric’s spot. “My friend has a thing with yours.”

“You mean your girlfriend.” Eric teases, plopping down next to her, wrapping an arms around her shoulders. 

“Shut up.” She mutters, pushing him playful but Guanshan is trying to put two and two together.

“Wait…” he says slowly, really hoping Chen is just confusing him for someone else. He doesn’t need to be involved with anyone who has any connection to Kuai Hua especially so far away. “Are you sure you’re not confusing me with someone else?”

“Your best friend is He Tian, right?” She tries to confirm but Mo can’t answer. He is stuck in silence trying to figure out how he got so unlucky to one, have someone who is friends with someone he can’t stand find him here, so far away and two, remember him when he was younger, scrappier and gained his horrible reputation. “My friend, Kuai Hua is his, um...subject of interest at the moment.”

Well at least she isn’t calling Kuai Hua He Tian’s girlfriend like everyone else seems to. Even so, Guanshan wouldn’t say he’s interested in her when that guy shows only poor intentions with any girl he flirts with. 

“I going to guess you don’t care for her.” Chen decides on her own simply by the look on the redhead’s face. “Not many do. She’s hard to love.”

Eric snorts making Chen shoot him this look that makes him shut up immediately. Guanshan doesn’t read too much into that and he doesn’t care enough to think of what that means. If he’s being honest he’s just uncomfortable with no idea what to say to these people. Sure, they’re nice but nice isn’t what Mo is used to. No one cares that they meet him besides He Tian who still was an ass the first time they met. His first words to him lead into a threat. 

Whatever.

Guanshan doesn’t want to think too much right now. He lets out a sigh, dropping this original conversation for something new. He needs to get to know them so he should start with basic questions, right? These two seem close so it’s almost clear why Eric would want to introduce him to Chen.

“So how long have you two been together?” He asks trying to get over this social anxiety that’s beginning to become crippling. If he is going to have any entertainment during the weekends and not be stuck inside then he needs to socialize.

Both Eric and Chen start to chuckle at that question. They’re doing what they can to hide it but they aren’t doing the best job. “Guanshan you got it all wrong.” Chen keeps laughing but now Eric’s face is straight and he is giving his friend a warning look as if to say “hey shut the fuck up.” 

“Eric isn’t into me like that.” She tells him, getting up to go back behind the counter, having to climb over Eric’s lap in the process. “Trust me.” Are her parting words and she’s back doing her job which she should have been doing in the process. 

“Ignore her,” he begs. “Please.” 

Truthfully, Guanshan didn’t understand at all what that could have meant. 

~

Spending the day with Eric wasn’t so bad. It was a simple day and all they did was check out the local hot spots like some street-side stores, and the arcade. Most of their day was taken up at the arcade, it made the hours fly by. Before they knew it, it was close to eleven and they got kicked out of the place like the rest of the teenagers who didn’t want to go home so they just walked around talking.

“Tell me about your friend.” Eric suggests as he walks Guanshan home but the ginger hesitates. He Tian can be a bit embarrassing to talk about. There aren’t a lot of charming qualities to share.

“There isn’t much to tell.” Guanshan shrugs. It isn’t fully true.

Besides what is going on with his dad, He Tian may just be the biggest part of his life but Mo doesn’t know how he feels about that. 

“Alright.” Eric doesn’t dwell. “Tell me about why you’re up here.”

Again, Guanshan hesitates. That’s personal and he won’t even tell He Tian about that. His life is complicated and he doesn’t want to drag people into that mess.

“Again, not much to say.” He tries. “Just seeing my dad on the weekends.” 

Eric has a good feeling something is being kept inside but he won’t push it. He can understand when someone isn’t ready to share something about themselves. They did just meet last week and today is the first day they have really spent together. Stuff like that will take time, he just wants that time to come eventually.  
They approach the building where Guanshan’s dad’s apartment is. Mo said it would be fine if he walked him home. It’s a strange town at night and who knows who has what for a weapon? 

“Guess this is goodnight.” Eric smiles. It’s something he can’t help but to do. Guys like Guanshan make his face light up like this.

“Yeah, sure.” Mo nods, shoving his hands into his pockets. He feels weird and can’t place why.

“We should do this again sometime.” He sneaks is there before Guanshan disappears upstairs. His heart is going nuts hoping the answer isn’t a “no”. He knows they had a good time and he did what he could to not be obvious. 

“You have my number.” He informs him to let him know they can hang out again without just putting it out there. Doing so would be much to vulnerable. “I had fun so, why not?”

The boys say their goodbyes, Guanshan heading up to the apartment so he can lie down on his uncomfortable bed. He had fun today even if he wasn’t home or with his normal friends. His day wasn’t bad and he never thought he would feel that way here or wherever his dad is.  
Once on his bed, Mo pulls out his phone seeing he got a few texts from He Tian he never got the chance to respond to. 

So what are your plans today? Is the first one and under that: Well I hope you’re enjoying yourself.

Well at least he knows that even if he did come home from a crappy day he can come home to He Tian.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get a bit more angsty involving He Tian's character. Get some development going!

 

“Okay, fine,” Guanshan grumbles into the phone around eight in the morning. “What I did to you is similar to what you did to me.”

 

“No, no,” He Tian’s voice is light a fluttery because he knows they’re even now and he need him to admit it, “what you did was exactly what I did to you. You ignored me all day to spend time with someone else.”

 

The redhead heaves a sigh, leaning over the counter in the kitchen as he talks to He Tian about last night. Sure, Mo didn’t respond to a few texts but it’s not like he ignored him for some girl. He didn’t even feel his phone vibrate in his pocket; he wasn’t ignoring him on purpose. Of course though he has to take it to heart and make a big deal out of it like he does everything.

 

“Alright, alright.” Mo finally says. “I’m sorry; happy?”

“Actually,” He Tian chimes, his voice so perky with a wide grin on his face, “I am.”

 

Both go quiet so Mo just stirs his tea with the phone pressed up against his ear. He doesn’t usually talk on the phone so early in the morning and especially with a parent sitting not too far away but he couldn’t just avoid He Tian’s phone call when it came in.

For the past fifteen minutes Guanshan has felt his father’s eyes on his back trying to place who he is on the phone with. He’s sure he has figured it out by now. With what his father knows about He Tian he can guess it’s him on the other end of the line with the way his son is talking.

Currently, Guanshan’s dad doesn’t trust this friend of his and he isn’t sure he wants to, but of course he isn’t going to tell his son who he can and cannot spend time with. It’s not his place after so many years being absent and he is sure he would never listen to him.

 

“What time will you be home today?” He Tian asks after their moment of quiet. He wants to see him tonight, possibly surprise him. “Not gonna spend all day with your new best friend, are you?”

 

“He’s not my new best friend.” Mo says flatly, reaching into the cupboard for something simple like cereal for breakfast. “Don’t be an idiot. I’ll be home around six, do you want me to call you?”

 

“Sounds great.” He smiles into the phone and Guanshan can somehow feel it as if he is seeing him do it right in front of him. “Talk to you later, Mountain.”

 

Guanshan can’t help but smile too. “Yeah, talk to you later, dipshit.”

 

The two hang up and that smile lingering on the redhead’s face as his phone slips into his pocket. He almost forgot he missed being home, playing video games with He Tian and Zhengxi and He Tian doing a horrible job as always while Zhengxi was ready to kick his ass unless he started playing correctly. He misses his weekends, he really does and it’s only been two weeks without those guys. It’s hard to adjust but he’s figuring it out.

 

“So what did you do yesterday?” His dad asks when Guanshan sits at the eating counter with his dad. He is guessing it must be something interesting if his friend is calling him so early in the morning to talk about.

 

“Oh uh,” He hesitates getting comfortable in his stool, “someone showed me around town a bit yesterday. They took me to the arcade after we went to lunch at the diner downtown.”

 

“Ooh,” his dad lifts his brows as if to suggest something. “Sounds like quite the date.”

 

Guanshan chokes on his breakfast, looking up at his dad like he’s crazy. Is he just assuming this is a girl he went out with? If so, why would he do that? He needs to realize that Mo isn’t interested in dating in the least bit.

 

“Dad, his name’s Eric.” He is able to cough out making his father’s face go white. “Just a friend showing me around town, I swear. Besides I already told you I’m not interested in dating. Don’t assume that shit.”

 

He’s learned his lesson and will drop the whole idea of Shan getting a girlfriend. He just finds it weird that a seventeen year old isn’t dating yet and he really wonders why. It makes him worry yet he does his best to shove those feeling away. He has to do it for Mo.

 

                                                                                                                                  ~

 

He Tian is the jealous type and no one would really know because rarely does he attach himself closely to people. The only one he’s attached to is his feisty redhead and hearing that he spent the day with some other guy make him nervous. Normally He Tian doesn’t get nervous but normally Guanshan doesn’t ignore him all day for some other dude.

It isn’t right and now He Tian is thinking he took to long to make the right move. He knows that’s incorrect though because he is sure if he made a move too quick that Guanshan would freak like he did the first time he kissed him. Mo is a complicated, complex teenager that takes time and energy to understand. He Tian will be damned if he all this time and energy he spent will be wasted.

He needs to learn more about this guy that Mo hung out with yesterday without being too obvious. He easily covered his tracks on the phone, seeming like he just wanted an apology when he wanted to get more. He Tian wants to know what this guy looks like, how he dresses. He wants to know how he smells, more importantly if he smells better than him. He wants to know if he’s nice or flirtatious or handsy. He needs to know if this guy is gay.

Of course that should be He Tian’s first question before he hits all the others because of course not every man that meets Guanshan is after him to have on their arm. It would be childish to think so (but He Tian is childish). He’d also be stupid to say Guanshan isn’t dangerously adorable which he is and that makes it so anyone could snatch him up.

Even so, Guanshan is headstrong; rather stubborn and not much for romance. At least that’s how he seems and that is exactly why he will always be a guessing game.

 

He Tian places the phone down on his night stand, crossing his arms just thinking about his redhead and if he is behaving himself up there. His expression is cold, something inside him making him feel sick to his stomach but he isn’t sure what that is.

 

“Didn’t tell your buddy we made up?” Kuai Hua asks, standing in the doorway of He Tian’s bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body, steam seeping from behind her.

 

As soon as He Tian hears her voice he remembers why he feels sick. “No I didn’t.”

 

“Well good.” She devilishly quirks her lips up into an evil grin, making her way to the bed and into He Tian’s lap. “He’d just get mad anyway.”

 

The boy is still naked from last night underneath the satin sheets of his bed. He usually isn’t uncomfortable in the nude but somehow, suddenly he feels out of place like Kuai Hua shouldn’t be with him like this.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asks leaning in to get her face close to He Tian’s so she just barely teases his lips with her own, wet hair tickling his skin. Her hands skate up that broad chest of that boy who has the body of a well matured man trying to get him the way he was last night. “You’re being quiet.”

 

Kuai Hua then leans in to just gently touch her lips to He Tian’s but in an instant he pulls away, large hands pushing her back by her upper arms. “I’m not in the mood.”

 

She looks back at him, shocked as if he had just slapped her. Not once has He Tian said he wasn’t in the mood. It’s common knowledge that he is quite the promiscuous one so no one could think he has an off switch.

 

“What?” She questions harshly but after a moment of silence she laughs thinking it’s a joke. “Are you trying to play a game with me, He Tian?”

 

“Kuai Hua-” He tries to say but she catches him off guard with a kiss that’s rough, heavy on the tongue and something He Tian would spring to life with on any other day but today it’s not working.

 

“I’ll play.” Kuai Hua whispers low, delicately letting her fingers on one hand cause her towel to fold up around her waist. She wants him, that is clear but He Tian? Looking at her naked chest, stomach, nothing is exciting, it’s bland. He doesn’t want her and he hates himself for letting her back into his bed.

 

“Kuai Hua,” He Tian sighs, “baby, I’m not in the mood. Not right now.”

 

A dumbfounded looks strikes across her face and after a moment she grabs the towel from her waist to cover herself.

 

“I’ll go get dressed then.” Kuai Hua says getting up from He Tian’s lap. Something is changing in him and it’s scaring her mostly because she doesn’t know what it is that’s changing him so she’ll just blame Guanshan. She just won’t fight about it today.

 

                                                                                                                               ~

 

Guanshan had a not so bad day with his dad. They didn’t discuss the restaurant, they didn’t talk about cooking or the past and after their conversation about him not dating there wasn’t any talk about future girlfriends. Thank God.

All they did was go out for something to eat and talk about what things Guanshan likes to do so maybe they could go do that one Sunday before he brings him home.

Now on the way back it’s a bit quiet but that’s okay. This time it isn’t uncomfortable silence and something about that makes Guanshan feel better when he’s around his father. He didn’t think that could happen.

 

“Hey,” He taps his son’s leg to bring his attention to him, “next week I’ll have a surprise for you.”

 

“I don’t like surprises.” Mo says feeling slightly concerned. Thinking about a surprise from his dad makes him think of that stupid restaurant he bought.

 

“You’ll like this one.” He assures him, patting him on the shoulder. “I’m going to make you feel more at home when you come over. I know you’re not comfortable over there.”

 

Guanshan doesn’t want to lie and pretend he’s fine in the confines of his tiny bedroom that’s smaller than his at home. He’d like to feel like it’s actually his room instead of just a spot to sleep. The fact that his dad wants to change the way he feels; that he actually is noticing how he is feeling feels amazing.

 

“That would um…” he hesitates unsure of how to say this, “that would really mean a lot to me actually.”

 

“I’m glad.” is all his dad says and then they pull up to his apartment. It’s time to go to his real home.

 

“I’ll see ya.” Mo uses as his farewell, his dad echoing is back to him before he shuts the door behind him.

 

Guanshan in shocked he left his dad feeling like he had a great time; feeling comfortable around someone who he had been afraid to see for years. Something may be changing between them and something may just be changing inside his father. Mo wants to be positive yet there is still a tiny voice saying not to let his guard down so he holds onto it. He knows he can’t trust him fully yet anyway.

When Guanshan walks into his home he sees his mom in the kitchen once again. Smells like she’s baking cookies and it smells amazing.

 

“Hey mom.” He calls and her face lights up when she sees him. She drops what she’s doing to run up to him and give him a tight hug. “Smells good in here.” He says as he hugs her back.

 

“They’ll be ready soon.” She tells him once she pulls away then she goes right to the emotion of concern. “How did it go at your father’s?”

 

“Not bad, actually.” He informs her with confidence. “He didn’t even bring up the restaurant and he told me he’s going to try and make me feel more at home next time I go up. He might actually be sticking to his word about changing.”

 

Mo’s mother doesn’t look convinced but she nods to show she’s listening. Her worry about her son going up there to his father’s without her supervision makes her nervous and that won’t change.

 

“I’ll call you out when the cookies are done.” She changes the subject. “Go unpack your stuff.”  

 

Guanshan nods and heads back to his room. He can understand why she doesn’t trust his dad and he doesn’t expect her to. He could never ask that of her.

He drops his backpack on the bed, opening it up to grab his old clothes to throw in the hamper. He even throws the shirt he’s wearing into the basket so he can get more comfortable in some pajamas. Guanshan pulls out his phone remembering he promised to call He Tian when he got back. He quickly finds his number and dials the tone.

A moment passes when Mo hears a vibration not too far from him. He turns, finding a phone ringing and moving on the corner of his desk, the name showing up on the screen: _Mountain._ Quickly he hangs up his own phone, picking up the one from his desk. He Tian is here? Since when?

 

“Well, hello,” He Tian’s voice rings a flirtatious sound as he looks a shirtless Guanshan up and down. Not too often does he get to see this. “Did I miss anything good?” He asks snatching his phone back from the redhead’s hand.

 

“When did you get here?” Mo wonders aloud. Usually his mom would tell him if He Tian or any one of his friends is over.

 

“Been here for about an hour.” He says shrugging. “I helped auntie make those cookies.”

 

He Tian plops down on Mo’s bed smirking up at Guanshan as he talks to him. “You know,” he continues, “she’s a lot nicer than you when I try to help.”

 

“My mom’s nice,” he replies back, swiveling his computer chair around so he can sit down, “I’m not. You should know that by now.”

“I know,” He Tian makes aware, making himself more cosy and he lays on his side. “I just enjoy telling you.”

 

Guanshan rolls his eyes, slowly moving his chair in semi circles as if to busy himself as he talks to He Tian. Something feels off in the air between them and the redhead isn’t too sure what that is. He Tian is acting normal but there is this weird feeling in the pit of Mo’s stomach.

 

“What did you do this weekend?” He decides to ask.

 

 _Kuai Hua_.

 

“Hung around.” He Tian shrugs still smiling but Guanshan doesn’t believe him. “Just waited for you to get back home all weekend.”

 

Now that Guanshan really doesn’t believe. “So you stayed at home all day?” He questions sounding suspicious and He Tian catches onto that suspicion easily. “Did see Zhengxi or go see a movie? Maybe talk to Kuai Hua?”

 

“You know what?” He Tian says like all of a sudden he remembered something important, finger pointed into the air. “I did go to the grocery store. I was running low on food.”

 

Guanshan rolls his eyes. Why should he have expected the truth when he knows how He Tian could be? Whatever. He will figure out the truth eventually. He’s not going to dwell on it now.

 

“How long are you planning on staying tonight?” He asks to get off the other topic. He isn’t in the mood to be mad right now.

 

“I’m going to spend the night.” He Tian surprises him with a smile going from ear to ear. “Didn’t you see my backpack?”

 

Wait...a sleepover? They haven’t had one of those before. Guanshan hasn’t had one since elementary school with Ling and that was a long time ago. Also, Mo doesn’t exactly trust He Tian to behave. Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sleep over will for sure be the next chapter guys!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit wild. A secret is let loose guys! Well...more than one *wink wink nudge nudge*.   
> Since at the moment Old Xian isn't feeling well and we won't be getting the update for quite a while I added in a bit of my own theory that I've actually had for a while that corresponded to XiJi. Hopefully you like it, this is actually a chapter I am very proud of as a fan of 19 Days so let me know what you think. Your guy's comments make my day.

Alright, this isn’t so bad. He Tian is sitting in his spot all the way on the other end of the couch, Guanshan on his own side. They’re watching some action movie he had sitting on the shelf of other DVDs he had. They were content, quiet just eating the plate of cookies and bowl of popcorn between them. 

Guanshan is still surprised his mom let He Tian sleep over on a school night of all nights but it feels nice to have his friend over when he hasn’t seen him all weekend. There’s just one person missing.

 

“Alright, I’m here.” Zhengxi sighs coming around the couch sitting between them, moving the plate of cookies into He Tian’s lap and the popcorn into Mo’s.

 

He Tian stares blankly at Zhengxi who is quiet just watching the movie. He’s confused so he angles his head 90 degrees to get a look at Guanshan’s face catching that sly smirk as he fills his mouth with popcorn, eyes not leaving the screen. He knew he couldn’t trust He Tian and him alone and  that gave him a reason to invite Zhangxi. Besides, they all haven’t spent a lot of time together since this whole mess started so this will make up for that.

The boy with raven hair leans back, attention going back to the movie. He does his best not to show how unhappy he is that an unexpected guest has joined their slumber party. Then again, He Tian should know by now how sneaky the redhead can be.

 

Later in the night, Mo’s mother had sped off to work from a late night call saying they needed her. The boys were left alone, told to go to bed at a reasonable hour so they didn’t miss school the next day. They’re teenagers. They aren’t the best at following simple directions, finding themselves sitting on the floor of Mo’s living room, the clock reaching midnight with the TV on low in the background as they play this stupid game He Tian had brought. He intended to have the game just be for him and Guanshan but Zhengxi was a surprise so he figured this game could be fun with him too.

The game was simple, directions easy to follow but the concept was annoying. Basically it was a game meant to embarrass the people you played it with. Either way you lost and it was getting on Guanshan and Zhengxi’s nerves. Guys don’t normally do this.

What they had to do was pick up a card and choose which uncomfortable question to answer between the two shown. Each question was worth a certain amount of points, and they had to pick one or both to answer, racing each other to get to 50 points. Whoever got there first won and then the game was over. If someone refused to answer they lost points, keeping track on a sheet. No one was about ten points; He Tian in the lead with fifteen.

Zhengxi’s turn comes up again, gowning when he sees his options. 

“‘Besides your parents, who was the first person to see you naked?’” He reads the lower point question out loud and not even wanting to read the next one. “And, ‘How graphic do your-’ oh God do I seriously have to read it out loud? I’m not answering that one.”

 

“Tis the rules.” He Tian smirks, raising the rule sheet above his head. Everyone in the room is starting to hate that damn rule sheet.

 

Zhengxi sighs heavily looking back at the little black card. “I’m changing the wording.” He warns before continuing. “‘How graphic do your...late at night, lonely sessions get?’”

 

“What the fuck is a late at night, lonely session?” He Tian laughs doing everything he can to make his friend’s face turn a deep shade of red.

Zhengxi ignores He Tian, knowing fully well that he knows what he is referencing. He just doesn’t want to discuss that kind of thing with these idiots. He’s going to answer the question worth two points; there is no way he can even think about the ten pointer. 

 

“The first person to see me naked was Jian Yi.” Zhengxi mutters. He Tian snorts totally shocked but Guanshan knew that but he keeps that to himself.

 

“How the hell-”

“It’s a complicated story,” Zheng defends holding his hand up to stall the idiot’s retorts. He Tian keeps trying to make each stupid question into a painful story to remember, having to know every single detail. “He spilt boiling fucking water on my pants and he panicked and just pulled my pants and underwear down.”

 

“Yeah cause everyone does that.” He Tian says sarcastically. 

 

That wasn’t the story Mo was thinking of but again he keeps it to himself. Zhengxi has no idea how much Guanshan actually knows about him and that may be best. No one likes it when their whole life has been shared with someone without their consent.

It’s Mo’s turn to answer his own question. Quietly he reaches for a card, picking it up, turning pink at the words he sees. He knows why He Tian picked this game to bring and it’s because he likes to embarrass his redhead; get him all flustered.

 

“‘Are you well endowed?’” He reads, “or ‘What is your wildest fantasy.’” Luckily this question has a loophole.

 

“Oh this one will be fun.” He Tian teases, throwing Mo a flirtatious look. “Either one you answer you have to share with the class like show and tell.”

 

“He Tian,” Zhengxi says calmly, “how has no one kicked your ass yet?”

 

“It’s fine Zhengxi,” Guanshan sighs, setting the card down in the discard deck. “I’m answering the ten point question.”

 

This surprises both other boys in the room. Guanshan has been playing it safe since the beginning of the game, losing points because he couldn’t bring himself to answer either question on his card. Luckily Mo caught the wording on this one and he’s even thinking of playing it up a bit just to get back at He Tian.

 

“I think you should know this, He Tian.” the redhead smiles slyly. “So listen closely.”

 

Everything is quiet but the mumbles coming from the television. Zhengxi is feeling like he should leave from the way Guanshan is looking across at He Tian who looks like a deer caught in headlights. He really thinks he is going to hear what he’s been dying to hear.

 

“My biggest fantasy,” he chuckles, rubbing his neck nervously, doing everything in his power to play it up, “is for um...you He Tian to just…” Mo’s face then goes straight, looking He Tian dead in the eyes to say:

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

He Tian’s expression falls, Zhengxi doing all in his power not to start laughing at him for that. He’s never seen Guanshan do something as devious as that and he can get rather savage. Mo looks pretty proud of himself too as He Tian picks up his own card rather angrily. Guanshan is going to be proud of that joke for the rest of the night. 

 

“‘How often do you  _ treat _ yourself?’ or ‘what’s one sexual secret you haven’t been fully open about?’” He Tian reads and he is starting to feel like the night he will tell Guanshan something he hasn’t been honest about, even if Zhengxi is sitting right beside them.    


“Looks like two secrets are coming out tonight boys.” He announces, placing the card down then he smirks at his accidental joke. “No pun intended.”

 

Both the other boys look at each other wondering what kind of weird answers are awaiting them. Weirdly enough, He Tian feels nervous with his heart pounding heavily in his chest because he has never really said these words out loud to anyone but Kuai Hua. It’s time for a change though; it’s time to be open.

“First answer,” He says happily, trying to calm the beating in his chest, “is I treat myself pretty much everyday, sometimes twice.”

 

Both the other boys grimace not needing to know such details but still, He Tian is kind of open so it doesn’t shock them that he’s happy to share moments that are meant to be quiet. 

 

“Second answer.” He Tian continues, the beating getting louder, harder, “the sexual secret I’ve been keeping to myself is that I haven’t just had sex with Kuai Hua.”   
  


“Everyone knows that you idiot.” Guanshan scowls at him. He made it seem like such a big deal; that wasn’t very climactic. 

 

“You didn’t let me finish.” He Tian informs him actually getting a little shaky, feeling his body tense up as he tries to get out the words. He never thought this would be hard to say but he’s never been so worried about Guanshan’s reaction. 

 

“By Kuai Hua, I mean women.” He clarifies but the other two still don’t fully understand. “I’ve had sex with guys too. I’m bisexual.”

 

It feels like a weight is lifted right off his shoulders as he says this; like this giant burden is no longer hanging over his head. Zhengxi is nodding like it makes sense and he pretty much already knew with the way he acted around Guanshan. 

Now Mo is sitting there on the carpet with an expression that looks the same as when he is looking at his math homework. It’s like he knew that already but hearing it feels so different. Hearing it makes the advances on him seem more meaningful; that their kiss meant more, that anytime He Tian had the need to put his hands on him or tease him over the phone that it wasn’t really a joke...but what about Kuai Hua? 

He Tian is bisexual, meaning he likes boys and girls and there is nothing wrong with that. Mo knows this; he knows there is nothing wrong with that but he needs to know what Kuai Hua means to him. He needs to know because he can’t keep going on thinking these advances He Tian is making on him are a joke if they really are meaning something.

 

“So little Mo,” He Tian smiles at him lightly, “do you have anything to say? Does this make you uncomfortable?”

 

“Part of me knew,” Guanshan chokes out. “Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”

 

“I guess I was worried what you would think.” he admits and it feels so good to be honest for once. Not all the truth will come out tonight but this is what he needed. He needed to make this step so things could progress between them, to continue down their nice slow path they they’re on. “I’m the only one in this room that’s been with a guy so yeah forgive me if I was a little worried of your reactions.”

 

“Don’t speak so quickly,” Zhengxi chuckles lazily, like his mouth was on autopilot. Slowly his face fills with realization of what he just said. He’s horrified.

 

“What did you say?” He Tian asks thinking he’s going crazy but Mo knows. Yeah Guanshan knows too well.

 

_ Guanshan felt uncomfortable, shy, embarrassed now that the whole school found out what happened between him and He Tian. A rumor of him being gay is spreading it’s confusing. His friends won’t talk to him or look at him because they think something is wrong with him. Girls are either laughing at him or acting like he stole He Tian from every eligible bachelorette in the school. He can’t sit here at the picnic table outside without people staring as he tries to scarf down a sandwich. He can’t take this so he gets up to find somewhere to hide; anywhere to get away. _

 

_ “He’s really embarrassed, huh?” Jian Yi asked as he watched the redhead storm off, trying to avoid every eye that is staring him down, that is pointing and laughing and whispering.   _   
  


_ Zhengxi looked up from his meal and he knows what is going through that boy’s mind; he knows him too well. “Jian Yi, let it go.” he tells him but it isn’t going to work. Sometimes he wonders why exactly he tries.  _

 

_ “He needs a friend, though.” The blonde argued still staring in the direction Guanshan disappeared in. _

 

_ “I don’t think you qualify.” He continued to try. “Last night, him and He Tian ram your balls into a tree.” _

 

_ Jian Yi turned to his friend and gave him a smile. “But then you brought me home and made sure they were okay.” _

 

_ “Jian Yi!” Zhengxi warned, deepening his tone. That boy needs to keep his voice down. _

 

_ “I’m only teasing,” Jian Yi reassured him, stroking his friend’s hand. “But listen to me. Redhead needs someone who gets this. For a long time I felt like I had no one, not even you to tell until last night. I don’t want him to feel alone and confused like I did.” _

_ Zhengxi softens a little, opening hand, palm side up to accept Jian’s fingers to carefully stroke it. He looks up at him, up to his eyes and he gets it he really does. Zheng squeezes the other’s hand tightly, nodding. _

 

_ “Alright, go ahead.” He told him and Jian stood up quickly feeling excited how well they’re figuring out being open. _

 

_ “Send me strength?” Jian Yi asked happily, Zhengxi giving a gentle, rather loving smile back up at him. _

 

_ “Always am.” _

 

_ Jian Yi headed in the direction Mo disappeared, wondering where on earth he could have gone. The school grounds are only so large so there are only so many places he could be. He doesn’t want to push himself on the guy, for God’s sake he still doesn’t even know his name. He’ll have to try to tone back his concern.  _

_ The blonde hasn’t exactly been the one to comfort others when they’re upset. He is usually the one hurt needing some guidance and up until last night he was doing that alone.  _

_ Jian Yi passes a bathroom, hearing crashing, braking of things and yelling. He shouldn’t assume it’s the redhead but who else in the entire school has a temper like that? He opened the door, finding Guanshan throwing the garbage can against the stalls, paper towel tumbling out of it every time it flies through the air or lands on the ground. _

 

_ “What did that garbage can ever do to you?” Jian Yi joked to announce himself hoping it will lighten the horrible mood that has taken over this room but it’s kind of the opposite of what he wanted.  _

 

_ Guanshan turns to him with a look that could kill. “You!” He yelled at him. “This is your fault!” _

 

_ “Woah, woah, back up a second.” Jian Yi said. “How is this my fault?” _

 

_ “If you never bumped into me that day, He Tian probably never would have noticed me at school!” he yelled, this quiver in his voice. “I would have just kept being the that delinquent that nobody would have wanted to see and wouldn’t alone with no friends and no…” _

 

_ Guanshan trailed off, turning his head to the ground making it clear that the quiver in his voice was from him crying. He wiped his face with his shirt sleeve right right before smashing his elbow into the mirror causing a large circular ring of broken glass to form like a spider web. _

_ The redhead sat on a bench against the wall, continuously wiping his face to get the wetness off. He hates the feeling. He hates how he feels. _

 

_ “I’ve never been more lost,” Guanshan blubbered out, “confused or alone and I hate it so much. I feel like I have no friends and it’s because of stupid He Tian.” _

 

_ “I can’t tell you that I know why He Tian kissed you.” Jian Yi started slowly making his way to the bench to sit beside him. “And I don’t think it’s because he wanted you to lose your friends but I can’t speak for him.” _

 

_ Guanshan said nothing. _

 

_ “I don’t know you well,” He continued, “I don’t even know your name but if you let me I would like to help you.” _

 

_ Guanshan still said nothing. How can this guy help him  at all? _

 

_ “You’re lost,” Jian Yi said, watching the redhead’s expression like it anything he said could maybe change it. “You might feel like you have nobody to talk to about this because no one really understands so I’m going to tell you a secret so you feel like you can trust me, okay?” _

 

_ Guanshan turned his face from him. That’s a stupid idea.  _

 

_ “I’m gay and have been in love with my best friend since grade school.” He said but this made Mo stiffen, turning slowly to look at the blonde. That’s a bit too large of a secret to share with someone who you don’t know. _

 

_ “Oh that got your attention,” Jian Yi laughed, a smile brightening up his face. “You want to know what else? I um...I kissed him one time and almost ruined our friendship.” _

 

_ “You guys seem fine now.” Guanshan said feeling like this whole thing isn’t adding up or going to help him. _

 

_ “Because last night,” Jian Yi had to pause because he was blushing too hard,” last night things changed.” _

 

_ It was clear that Guanshan wasn’t understanding how this is supposed to help him so he just gets to the point. “For a long time I felt like I had no one to talk to about this.” He told him. “I was really confused and couldn’t figure out why I was so different. It’s hard for a kid who didn’t have anyone around and it feeling like I was alone. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what I was feeling was normal.” _

 

_ “What are you trying to tell me?” Guanshan pushed getting tired of it being dragged out.  _

 

_ “I’m trying to tell you it’s okay to not know what you’re feeling.” Jian Yi said. “It’s okay to be confused by this and it’s okay to never know what any of it means.” _

 

_ Silence. _

 

_ “It’s okay for me to never figure it out?” _

 

_ The other boy smiled at that reply. He started to get it. “Completely.” _

 

_ Mo nodded, hands folded in front of him. He looked at the floor, focusing on a piece of paper towel that had fallen from the garbage can he was throwing around. _

 

_ “My names Guanshan by the way.” he said quietly. “Mo Guanshan.” _

 

_ “Nice to finally know your name, Guanshan.” He smiled wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “I’m Jian Yi in case you didn’t know.”  _

 

Jian Yi was a good guy. It sucks he had to disappear before high school started. Guanshan could have really used his advice and maybe even his company when it came to certain moments when he felt alone. Sometimes He Tian isn’t the comfort he is looking for and with Zhengxi it’s simply uncomfortable.

There is still this awkward air surrounding them, He Tian doing what he can to pry out the secret Zhengxi has been holding in.

 

“I’m confused for two reasons.” He Tian snickers, eye not leaving the other boy who wishes he could just run out that door. “One: I thought you were still a virgin and two: I thought your only interest was chicks.”

 

“It is,” Zhengxi tries to defend himself, “but the thing with Jian Yi-”

 

“Holy shit, it was Jian Yi?” He Tian yells, Zhengxi getting even more embarrassed, hiding his face as he hugs his legs to he body.

 

“I shouldn’t have freaking spoke!” He yells into his legs, his voice muffled from how tightly he is hugging. He is yelling at himself; he feels like an idiot.

 

Guanshan has never seen him like this; so vulnerable and so regretful, not even when Jian Yi disappeared. What Mo knew was that with Zhengxi and Jian Yi, their relationship was complicated. They never dated; they didn’t call it that. Everything was slow for them with a few fast pace things popping up because hey, they’re teenagers and they have urges. 

What was slow was Zhengxi moving to accept that maybe the only guy he could ever want in the world is his best friend. Sure he is interested and woman but there was always something about Jian Yi that he cared for and in no way were his feelings toward him pity. Guanshan was told everything so often when him and Jian Yi hung out. He heard every detail of how things were working out, him getting happier and happier anytime they had a visit. Mo was happy for him but then one day his friend was gone and he was confused.

 

“You need to tell me what happened.” He Tian keeps pressing, acting like this is funny and it’s not. As the redhead sits in silence and watches this he feels guilty. 

 

“Leave him alone, He Tian.” he scolds him, rather annoyed with that behavior. If it were him and he didn’t want to talk about it he would be having a fit. “You don’t have to say anything Zhengxi. It’s between you and Jian Yi and it’s none of our business.”

 

Zhengxi looks up at Guanshan, giving him a weak smile. It’s still hard to talk about and part of him feels he’s the reason Jian Yi left. He can’t shake the feeling and it’s still haunting him now and might always.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised an update my friends and here it is... look...I've been pretty down lately guys because of this discourse and some other stuff and I just want to thank all of you guys who leave kudos and comments and tell me how much you like my story. I know I tend to have a lot of spelling errors or missing words or the wrong word in the sentence. I know sometimes my chapters don't have a perfect flow or are easy to understand. I'm just glad you guys like it and tell me. I'm glad I have the 19 Days fandom because without it I'd be weirdly lonely. I've made good friends because of it and I care about each one of you who come back anytime I update and read. I know I'm being weird and gooey but I wanted to tell you guys I care about you and that every last one of my readers is important to me whether you ship ziyi tianshan or both. I just love you guys and you mean the world to me because you keep my positive. Every review, every kudos makes my day when I see someone has left one. I get the brightest smile on my face reading your comments so again...thank you. Thank you for just existing.

“Just tell me how it happened.” He Tian pleads with Zhengxi, referring to the big secret revealed accidently last night at their sleepover as they walk to school.

Zhengxi is doing his best to ignore the idiot who can’t seem to drop the subject. This hurts still to talk about, to think about. To keep hearing the name “Jian Yi” over and over is getting difficult making this anger boil up inside him. He may be able to mention his friend here and there but this? Their thing that they had that they couldn’t exactly call a relationship but Zhengxi misses more than he misses his childhood innocence? That is off limits.

Guanshan watches Zhengxi’s face, seeing how much he is trying to hold back hitting He Tian. It’s clear the only reason he hasn’t done it yet is because he knows if he does that He Tian won’t hesitate to hit him back. Still, he keeps pushing and pushing for an explanation. Mo knows that if it were him being given the third degree he would have snapped by now. He doesn’t get how Zhengxi can hold in his anger like that. Guanshan wears it on his sleeve, happily like it’s all he has for emotion. 

 

“Who made the first move?” He Tian asks. “It was Jian Yi, right? You don’t seem like you have the balls for something like that.”

 

“Oh my God, shut up!” Zhengxi finally yells, turning to face He Tian with a fire burning in his eyes and chest. He then lowers his voice, getting closer to the larger boy’s face so no one else could hear them but Guanshan. “What happened between me and Jian Yi was a secret that no one else knew about. I’d like it to remain that way so I don’t have random people up my ass about it.”

 

He Tian grumbles finally giving up on the conversation. He just felt that if Zhengxi could be similar to him and had been with someone he could have loved then maybe he’d have someone to talk to about these feelings toward Guanshan. It doesn’t matter so he pushes the thoughts away like he normally does. Instead he thinks about school and how Kuai Hua will be there and how he doesn’t want to see her or her to make known that they fooled around the other night.

 

“Hey,” He Tian hums, this sly, suggestive tone bleeding from his lips, “why don’t we do something fun today?”

 

“Forgot it’s a school day?” Zhengxi asks not turning back to look at him. Who knows where that guy’s brain goes?

 

“No,” he says, “I mean let’s go do something during school hours.”

 

The two other boys stop to look at their friend who is grinning, knowing they are finally starting to understand. Skip school to do who knows what? Sounds better than math and tests and homework.

 

“Are you serious?” Mo asks, so excited he can’t hide the smile on his face. He hasn’t skipped class since middle school. After He Tian started tutoring him and he actually started to care about his grades he didn’t even think about skipping. Sometimes he forgets He Tian is actually insanely rebellious. “Hell yeah! Let’s do it!”

 

The two trouble makers look to their friend for an answer like he has final say. It’s not that though, they would really like him to go with them.

Zhengxi looks perplexed. He hasn’t ever really skipped class let alone a full day. He looks from Guanshan to He Tian trying to decide on his own without their pleading and enticing expressions forcing him to take their side. His grades are perfect right now so missing one day really couldn’t hurt. He deserves to have fun; a day without worry and doing the right thing. Zhengxi deserves to be rebellious too sometimes, not just those two.

 

“Alright, fine,” he sighs trying to hide the smile that’s making it’s way onto his face, “but I swear to God if I get in trouble because of you, He Tian I’m going to kill you.”

 

“Fair enough.”

  
  


                                                                                                                                    ~

 

_ This. _ Now this is what Guanshan would call a good time with his friends. He’s not in class, not stuck inside playing video games (even if he enjoys that), and he’s not with people he needs to act a bit differently around. This is comfort, this is fun,  _ this  _ is friendship. 

He Tian is currently beating Zhengxi at a game of DDR. Mo can’t believe people still make that game and put them in arcades. He guesses it’s just fun to watch people fall over themselves as they try to find the right arrows to step on as the song distracts them. It sure is funny to watch Zhengxi almost fall on his face with every move he makes and Mo has already called playing winner. He’s well aware that’s going to play He Tian next round. 

Weirdly enough He Tian has good rhythm, even as he laughs at Zhengxi’s inability to play this game. He guesses he just isn’t much of a dancer even if the machine is set to easy. He Tian though...damn. He looks like this is all natural but Guanshan knows very well he could do better. On his off days or during his free time it was this that occupied his time. He doesn’t regret that one bit either. 

 

“ _ GAME OVER _ ” The machine yells at Zhengxi and at He Tian, “ _ WINNER”  _

 

“Who’s the king?” He Tian cheers victoriously making Guanshan laugh.

 

“Not for long, dumbass.” He tells him, pushing an exhausted Zhengxi to the side so he can take his rightful spot on that platform.

 

He Tian watches Mo as he inserts him coins for his own round for the both of them. “I’ve always wanted you to shake your ass for me.” He teases in  hopes to distract the redhead before they start playing.

 

“Shut up, pervert.” Guanshan chuckles out at him. He can’t take him seriously when he knows he’s about to smoke this guy in a round of DDR. 

 

Guanshan gets pick of the difficulty level and he chooses expert, giving He Tian this look that proves he has no idea how badly he is going to lose. Their eyes are met and it’s this intense stare off like this is something serious. He Tian already knew his friend is competitive but he didn’t think it would be like this in an arcade. It’s true though that Mo loves to show him up when he gets the chance and now is his chance.

The song starts and it’s fast and of course He Tian is distracted by the boy next to him. His first move he trips over himself not even realizing the round had started. He needs to learn how to ignore that adorable thing that’s dancing like a maniac next to him sometimes. That boy will be his downfall, no doubt. 

 

“Better start looking at that screen, pretty boy.” Guanshan laughs, hitting the arrows with a perfect timing, able to see how much He Tian is missing his steps from the corner of his eye. “You’re falling behind.”

 

“Think I’m pretty, huh?” He Tian huffs out breathlessly thinking he can multi-task but whoops. He misses a step, then another and another while Guanshan moves effortlessly matching each arrow with his feet in perfect timing. 

 

It’s easy to laugh at the boy beside him as he gets to watch him lose. Usually He Tian is the one who is good at everything, beating everyone by simply existing. It’s nice to be a winner, a successor to him instead of being in the shadow of this prodigy that is He Tian. 

 

Soon the song is over and the machine is chanting “ _ WINNER!! _ ” to Mo and he can’t help but give a victorious stance.

 

“In your face!” The redhead yells, cheering for himself, Zhengxi clapping lazily behind him as if to congratulate him. “You can’t beat the master!”

 

Out of breath, He Tian crosses his arms, taking a rest against the back railing as he smiles over at the cheering Guanshan. It’s not too often he gets to see him this hyped up and he hasn’t too much happiness since he starting going up to his dad’s. Mo is happy. His Mountain is happy and that’s all he wanted out of today. 

 

“What?” Guanshan asks sounding weirdly innocent, still out of breath from the game. He noticed He Tian looking at him the way he is. 

 

“Having fun?” He Tian asks with that smile still glued to his face. 

 

“Yeah,” He replies not sure why that’s a shock. He’s not in school and he’s doing something he’s good at with the people he cares about. Of course he is having fun. 

 

“Good.” He says before getting up to make his way over to the snack bar. “Get a table for us guys. I’ll be over in a bit.”

 

Zhengxi and Guanshan try and find a free table in this place which isn’t too hard considering it’s a school day. The only people here are a few college kids who don’t have class yet or high school graduates with nothing better to do. 

The two boys take their spots at a round table, Guanshan watching He Tian from their seats. He isn’t sure why he is staring at him, he is sure he is just worried He Tian won’t get the right food or something. Zhengxi notices where the other’s eyes are so he decides to gain his attention for He Tian notices and starts teasing him for it.

 

“That the watch He Tian got you?” he asks, resting his cheek on his hand lazily as he talks.

 

Guanshan quickly turns, first thought in his head is that he got caught looking for a tad bit too long. He then realizes the question asked and looks down at his wrist. He doesn’t really take this thing off unless he takes a bath or a shower. The last thing he wants to do it break it when it looks like it cost a fortune. Mo also took it off when He Tian pissed him off but once they made up it went right back on.

 

“He tell you about it?” Mo asks back. He didn’t know Zhengxi knew about the gift in the first place.

 

“He bragged a little bit.” Zheng shrugs as he drops his arm to lay it upon the table. “You’re always wearing it.” 

 

“I guess so.” Guanshan does his best not to turn pink. It’s just a stupid watch and it means absolutely nothing. There is no way it could mean anything because He Tian is with Kuai Hua and He Tian just came out last night so it can’t mean anything; it’s not allowed to mean anything. 

 

“He’s glad you do.” Zhengxi says as if it’s not too important. “It makes him happy you wear it. He doesn’t say it straight out but he likes to tell me how good it looks on you.”

 

Guanshan feels a bit blindsided and his mouth hangs open. Once he realizes that he shuts it. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Soda’s and a basket of cheesy fries for the table.” He Tian announces dropping the cups down in front of the other boys and the food in the middle of the table so they can all easily reach for it.

 

He Tian sits down and immediately can feel the strange energy coming from Guanshan, not so much Zhengxi. He looks between the two of them wondering what they could have been talking about.

 

“Everything okay over here?” He asks slowly. 

 

“Fine.” Mo says quickly, grabbing his soda to take a sip from the straw. He glares at nothing as he drinks making his “fine” seem not so fine. 

 

He Tian decides to ignore it because today is meant to be about fun, not drama. He doesn’t want to talk about last night or about Guanshan up at his dad’s. He doesn’t want to mention Jian Yi or the possibility of slipping grades. What He Tian wants to talk about is how greasy these fries are and how badly he could beat all of them at air hockey. Today is about fun and that is all. 

 

“So what’s next for us, today?” He Tian asks ignoring the weird feeling he has about their conversation. “Play some more games? Go see a movie?”

 

“Not sure.” Zhengxi shrugs not really caring. He isn’t having a bad time he is just willing to do whatever the other two want to do. “I’ll be right back, I need to head to the bathroom.”

 

Simple as that He Tian and Guanshan are left alone at the table making Mo feel weirdly uncomfortable. He knows that He Tian being bi shouldn’t bother him, and it doesn’t. It makes him worry. He’s worried about his intentions and sitting here alone with him makes him wonder if he would try and make a move on him like he did back in middle school.

Guanshan knows thinking that is stupid because He Tian has gotten better with personal space and even now he’s just sipping his soda and eating fries. He’s not even looking at Guanshan but he needs to know yet he doesn’t want to ask. 

 

“Something on your mind?” He Tian asks once he notices the way Mo is looking at him. He didn’t want anything harsh talked about today but that may be unavoidable. 

 

“Are you in love with Kuai Hua?” He asks instead of the real one he has in his head. “I know what you’ve told me before; that you two aren’t dating but that doesn’t really matter does it? Are you in love with her?”

 

He Tian leans on the table, face straight as his eyes meets Guanshan’s and they don’t leave. He thought he had been clear but he guesses not. A hand comes to rest on Mo’s wrist, the one that wears the watch. He Tian’s fingers gently stroke his skin around the metal of the jewelry, feeling how warm, how soft the redhead’s skin is. He’s known this but still, everytime he touches him it still shocks him. 

 

“I’m not in love with her.” He says carefully and sternly so he’s sure he gets his point across. Their eyes don’t leave each other’s; only to blink.

 

Guanshan is more than happy to hear that because then maybe he will stop sleeping with her. Maybe that fight they had will be the end of it and he won’t have to hear her annoying voice again. 

Still, now that Mo knows He Tian doesn’t love her, it leaves this haunting question in his head that he’s too scared to ask.

 

_ Are you in love with me? _

 

                                                                                                                                            ~

 

This may have been a better day than most for Guanshan. He got to go out and spend time with his friend’s; his real friends and not just sit inside and play video games. He got to skip school which he hadn’t done since he was a hardcore delinquent. 

Guanshan walked home by himself, backpack hanging from one shoulder and carrying a stupid stuffed bear He Tian won with his prize tickets. He gave it to Mo because in his words “it’s vicious but down right adorable.” Guanshan hit him for that but still took it anyway. He’ll put it with the many other things he has given him - stuffed away in his closet.

That question though is still haunting his mind, he can’t get it out. The fact that he is alone as he walks home doesn’t help either because there is no conversation to distract him. 

 

_ Is he in love me? _ Guanshan thinks to himself,  _ No there’s no way and I need to get it out of my head. The flirting is a joke, it’s alway been a joke. He doesn’t love me, he loves to mess with me. He thinks it’s funny. _

 

“Didn’t see you at school.” Guanshan hears to shake him away from his thoughts. It’s Ling who is standing right outside Mo’s apartment building. It looks like he’s been waiting here a while. “You got your backpack on though.”

 

“You’re acting like I’ve never skipped before.” He calls over to his friend, moving a bit faster so he can get to him.

 

“You haven’t since middle school.” Ling argues. He seems frustrated that Mo didn’t show up to school today. “Sneak off somewhere with He Tian?”

 

Why does Ling always assume it’s only He Tian like all Guanshan does is follow him around? It’s annoying.

 

“And Zhengxi.” he defends but it doesn’t really work with defending himself. Ling just scoffs and rolls his eyes.

 

Guanshan bites his lip as he stands outside the doors to his apartment building. The question in his head is boiling and the information he was told last night is burning him. He needs to tell someone who won’t judge him or overthink it too much. Guanshan needs someone smart and his smartest friend when it comes to common sense is standing right beside him.

 

“Can I tell you something?” he asks quietly, whispering lowly. “You have to promise not to say anything though cause this isn’t even my business to tell.”

 

Ling’s stance changes and he’s no longer mad at his friend for his no show at school. He stares at his friend curiously, wondering what on earth he needs to tell him. “Yeah, sure.” He says carefully, picking up on that tone he’s heard before. “What’s up?”

 

Guanshan looks around to see if anyone can hear them. Unsure if it’s safe or not he grabs Ling’s arm to drag him behind the building. No one can hear this conversation, not even his mom. 

Mo knows he shouldn’t tell a soul this because it’s not his business, he knows that but in no way is he trying to start drama or spread rumors. He isn’t interested in making He Tian’s secrets spread around the school.

Once behind the apartment building, Ling stares in silence, a tiny but worried he is going to be told. Guanshan is acting like he killed someone and it’s making him a tad bit uneasy.

 

“What is it?” Ling asks, watching as his friend is still trying to make sure no one is around to hear this. “Dude, say something, you’re scaring me.”

Guanshan looks to Ling, eyes filled with this fear he’s only had once before. He doesn’t know how to say this so he just blurts it out.

 

“He Tian came out to me last night.” He says a bit quickly but it fell right out of his mouth. He couldn’t stop the words almost like it was word vomit. It actually feels kind of nice to tell someone, especially someone who is smart with almost anything.

 

At first, Ling kind of just stands there like he’s not sure what he has heard. He thinks he heard it right and he knew he would hear it eventually, thinking he would be ready when it was told to him but he feels blindsided. All he can think to do it repeat that statement.

 

“He Tian came out to you?” Ling asks, squinting over at Guanshan like his friend may have malfunctioned. He doesn’t get why he’s so shocked by the information but he is. “As...gay?”

 

“Bi.” Guanshan corrects him. 

 

“Oh okay,” Ling nods feeling like he can grasp that a bit easier, “that make sense.”

 

“You knew?” Mo asks feeling a tiny bit offended that Ling wouldn’t say anything towards his thoughts on that. Ling knows the way He Tian is around him so he should have said something. 

 

“Not so much as knew as it is, could easily guess.” He corrects him then giving him a strange look. “You didn’t?”

 

  Guanshan looks down to the gravel trying to think of what to say to that. He did know and he didn’t know. He was never told yet something else inside him told him that He Tian could like him too. With the way He Tian is always acting, with the things he says, or the way he’ll touch Guanshan, how else is he supposed to take that? He just didn’t want to think it.

 

“I wasn’t ever sure.” Mo partially lies. He moves on. This isn’t exactly what he wanted to talk about. “I need to ask you something.”

 

Ling rests his body against the brick wall, crossing his arms just look back at Mo. He thinks he knows what he’s going to ask. It isn’t a secret to anybody what those two feel about each other but to them he supposes. He’s kind of been waiting for this talk if that is exactly what his friend wants to talk about.

Poor Guanshan looks terrified as he does his best to get this question out making Ling feel kind of bad for him. This shouldn’t be so hard.

 

“You said the other day that He Tian is protective of me.” He starts.

 

“I did.”

 

“Did you mean something else?” Guanshan shakily asks; visibly trembling, the temperature having no effect on what it is he’s feeling. “Do you think He Tian has different intentions with me?”

 

Ling is quiet. He doesn’t know what to say to him. He knows exactly what he meant when he called He Tian protective. He’s protective of things he thinks are his and Guanshan is clearly on that list. Somehow Guanshan doesn’t know that. It’s easy to see now that He Tian only told Mo he was bi, not how he felt and Ling knows it’s not his place to say so especially if it’s messing up his friend so bad he’s shaking.

 

“I meant he’s protective.” Ling lies. “You’re his best friend, his only friend so yeah he’s protective of you.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“That’s it.”

 

A giant sigh of relief releases from Guanshan. Ling knows though that he isn’t relieved because he thinks He Tian isn’t interested him. He’s relieved because now he doesn’t have to figure out his own feelings. That’s easier than figuring out if you love someone back and what the hell that could mean.

 

“Is there anything else you want to talk to me about?” Ling asks but Mo shakes his head. “You can tell me anything you know?”

 

“What the hell does that mean?” Guanshan starts to get defensive causing his friend to roll his eyes.

 

“You used to tell me everything when we were kids.” Ling shrugs. “We talked all the time. I’m just saying, for anything, I’ll be there. He Tian isn’t the only one that cares about you. I’m your friend too, just a lot fucking smarter.”

 

Guanshan should know he can tell Ling anything, even if it’s something he’s confused about and doesn’t know how to begin dealing with it on his own. That’s what friends are for and it kind of sucks that over time Ling is beginning to see Guanshan close up and become more and more distant. He doesn’t need to hide from anyone. All the right people are in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is a good update guys. I didn't want it to be too much filler content but I needed a really upbeat kind of chapter before we head back up to Guanshan's daddy's house.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ONE IS SO LATE AND I'M SO SORRY!!! I was busy for a long time and couldn't find the energy or motivation to write but trust me I will finish this story. I love writing it and I'm so glad you guys like it. When I'm not writing I still think about what to right about so my ideas for this story aren't ending. Anyway I hope you like this update. We got another Tianshan fight o.O

_ This atmosphere feels different. It feels free all while being like stuck in a cage behind your own mind that won’t let you think for yourself. Guanshan sits outside looking up at the night sky on a bench, He Tian next to him, breathing in the night air instead of the smoke of a cigarette. That’s how Guanshan prefers him; when he’s relaxed and that’s usually who he is when they’re alone and nothing can bother them. _

_ He Tian lets a smile appear on his face when he looks to Mo who’s lost in the appearance of the stars. The redhead knows very well he’s being looked at but he says nothing towards it. He stays quiet waiting for He Tian to say his name. Nothing comes from his mouth, not a word.  _

_ Instead, like a ghost, the feeling of finger tips strokes Guanshan’s, moving up his skin to take his hand. He looks down now, seeing his hand in He Tian’s just like they were the day he first left to his dad’s. Guanshan isn’t mad about their hands entwined; in fact he feels safe and comfortable. Slowly he looks up to get a peek at He Tian’s expression and it’s so soft, so happy. _

_ Mo’s face though hasn’t changed, still appearing expressionless but He Tian moves forward. His lips reach the redhead’s ear, his breath so warm and he whispers something. _

 

_ “Only you.”  _

 

Guanshan feels a jolt throughout his whole body waking himself up. It was dream and possibly the weirdest one he’s ever had. He sits up on his bed, holding himself up trying to collect himself from that. His heart is pounding like he had a nightmare but the dream wasn’t scary, simply confusing. The words he heard are still ringing in his head as if the dream never ended.

 

_ “Only You.” _

 

Nothing in Guanshan’s being makes him want to even think about what that could mean so he pushes it out of his mind. He needs to get ready for school anyway. His dad is picking him up after so he needs to bring his things with him. He’s not excited. 

 

                                                                                                                                         ~

 

“Do you want to tell me what has you in a sour mood today?” He Tian asks, taking one of Mo’s bags from him so he doesn’t have too much to carry. He lets Tian take it, not getting himself too much into their conversation; he’s still distracted from his dream last night.

 

“I already told you.” Mo sighs adjusting his backpack on his shoulders. “I’m not happy I’m leaving so early. I’d prefer to get picked up at home, not here.”

 

He Tian chuckles at him. “So that’s really what made you mad all day?”

 

“If you had to find a way to have two backpacks without getting in trouble all day then you’d get it.” Mo grumbles. He really isn’t thrilled about getting picked up at school. His dad doesn’t need to see him here.

 

Of course that isn’t what has Guanshan so cold today. He doesn’t mean to be but that’s the way his mind defends itself when it’s dealing with something it can’t understand. All day Mo has been trying to distract himself from those words ringing in his head “only you” but it hasn’t been working out too well.

 

For a moment He Tian just watched Guanshan from the corner of his eye trying to read his mind; to figure out what he’s thinking. He’s never been good at reading his mind though. Mo sits down on the bench outside the front gate, He Tian dropping the second backpack right next to him. He stands there for a little while simply wondering if he should say something.

 

“Would you like me sit with you until he comes?” He asks to the angry looking teen whose features soften once the question is asked. 

 

“Sure.” Guanshan mumbles, trying not to look at He Tian when he plops down next to him. He can’t really refuse him anymore, especially when it comes to days he needs to leave. Also, who knows how late Guanshan’s dad is going to be; he’s not the best at being punctual so some company will do him some good.

 

The two boys sit there not speaking a word to each other as they watch a ton of other classmates pass them, some of them giving judging looks to them, mostly at Mo. Guanshan sighs, leaning forward in his spot, looking at his phone that he hasn’t touched since this morning. He notices a text from Eric, wondering what he could have wanted so badly.

 

_ Hey, do you want to hang out when you come up?  _ Eric had said.  _ I have a fun little surprise I’d like to show you. _

 

He Tian peeks over the redhead’s shoulder, reading the text from Eric, glaring when he reads what he had said. A little surprise? What the hell does that mean? He watches as Guanshan types out a response.

 

_ I don’t know if my dad has anything planned.  _ Guanshan writes back to him.  _ I will let you know when I get up there. _

 

“Is that your new best friend?” He Tian asks with a teasing tone making his friend rolls his eyes.

 

“He’s not my new bestfriend.” Mo replies, annoyed. “I already told you that.”

 

“You can’t replace me, huh?” He smirks but now Guanshan won’t respond. Instead he smiles at the stupidity He Tian has and will never lose. Sometimes it’s comforting. 

 

Guanshan won’t look at He Tian now so he takes the opportunity to watch him, his features, those eyes. His eyes trace down his body, his arm to the watch on his wrist. Seeing Guanshan wear it always brings a smile to He Tian’s face. He’s glad he likes it enough to wear it when it used to be a chore to get him to wear any gifts he had gotten him. 

That pale hand resting on the wood of the bench looks lonely so He Tian lets his fingertips dance across Guanshan’s thin fingers. Slowly, the redhead looks down to the ticklish feeling on his skin. He stares as He Tian strokes his skin and as his hand grasps his own, entwining their fingers together, Guanshan doing nothing just like in his dream. What is he doing? Why The hell is he letting He Tian do this? When did he learn not to care that they touched?

For a moment, their eyes meet, no expression in either of their faces as if neither of them know what is going on between them. It’s nice, and calm but Guanshan’s stupid heart won’t stop pounding and he hates it so much. It shouldn’t be doing that when this is a simple gesture of friendship...right?

 

“Mo Guanshan, come on let’s go!” He hears someone yell, quickly realizing it’s his dad’s voice. He stands abruptly, dropping He Tian’s hand, hoping to God his dad didn’t see that but he had to because he’s standing outside the car looking right at them. 

 

“Y-yeah,” he yells shakily back to him, grabbing one backpack, “I’m coming.”

 

He Tian grabs the other bag so he can put it into the back of the car, Mo’s dad watching him like a hawk. Normally He Tian doesn’t become uncomfortable but the stare he is recieving certainly is. 

“Mr. Mo,” He Tian gives his best smile and upbeat attitude as Guanshan’s father comes around the car to meet him, “we haven’t been properly introduced. My name is He Tian.”

 

He puts his hand out for the man to shake but he simply looks at it, snubbing him of a kind gesture. 

 

“I’ve heard of you.” He says instead, Guanshan stuck between them, extremely nervous for this encounter.

 

He Tian makes a face at that and drops his hand. “From the sound of your tone, it doesn’t sound like good things.”

 

“No, Guanshan speaks fondly of you.” He replies causing the smile on He Tian’s face to start to return...for two seconds. “My tone is based on my opinion of you.”

 

He Tian stands up straighter than before, glaring down at Guanshan’s father. He doesn’t even meet him and already he is going to judge him. What a guy. After a while of pained silence He Tian scoffs, showing a devilish smile.

 

“Well sir,” he says kindly, “you should hear my opinions of you.” He then reaches over, ruffling up Guanshan’s hair.

 

“Call me when you get there, Mountain.” He says before parting. He knows he can’t stick around for too long with that negative environment. He has a temper; not as bad a Guanshan’s but it’s there and he knows very well it will be bad around that man. It’s best he left before someone ended up getting hurt. 

  
  


On the way up to his dad’s house, he would not shut up about how much he didn’t like He Tian. Guanshan is sitting in the passenger seat massaging his temples trying to stop the headache his dad created. He’s even yelling about how Guanshan shouldn’t have told anyone about what happened years ago in their family and how clear it is that He Tian knew about it.

 

“Oh my God, just shut up!” Guanshan finally yells when he’s had enough. “Get over it! He Tian is my friend and you have to deal with that. He’s there for me, okay?”

 

“Friend, huh?” His dad asks sounding like he is insinuating something. 

 

“Yeah?” Mo says slowly, feeling that anxious feeling in his chest like he’s in trouble.

“I saw you holding his hand, Shan.” He sounds angry and Mo looks horrified. How can he cover that up? It’s really stupid how it’s okay for female friends to hold hands but not guy friends. 

 

“It’s not what you’re thinking.” He kind of mumbles but his dad isn’t buying it.

 

“Tell me the truth Guanshan.” He warns him. “Is he why you aren’t dating? I swear to God if you two-”

 

“We’re not!” He screams not even knowing how the sentence was going to end, he just wanted it to stop. “I’m single, I’m alone, I’m lonely, okay? Do you understand now? Have you gotten it through your stupidly thick skull? He Tian is my friend and that’s it! So stop acting like dad of the year because you have no right to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with or what I can tell them.” 

 

The only sound in the car are the wheels on the gravel. His dad knows very well he has no right to say these things yet he still does. He wants to be a father again even if he destroyed their relationship years ago. Fine...he needs to get on Guanshan’s good side instead of ordering him around. 

 

“There’s a surprise for you at home.” He decides to change the subject, voice on a much softer deliver than before. He didn’t want to start their weekend together by arguing anyway. 

 

“I don’t like surprises.” Guanshan mutters, arms crossed and expression hard. He’s said this before and he’s not in the mood to just forget what his father said to him. A surprise won’t fix his attitude. 

 

“You’ll like this one.” He promises, tone soft and gentle as he’s trying to push away the anger he was feeling not too long ago. It’s clear where Guanshan gets his fire from. “I’m sorry for what I said. I should be more understanding of you.”

 

For a moment his son says nothing and he just stares out the window, watching each tree zoom past them. “Yeah you should.” 

 

They say nothing to each other the rest of the way up.

 

                                                                                                                                     ~

 

“Go ahead and look in your room.” His dad says shutting the door behind them. He’s sure the gift he got Guanshan will get him forgiveness.

 

Mo moves slowly to his room. He doesn’t care what’s behind the door or what new thing his dad has gotten him to add to the room. All Guanshan wants is a relationship with his father where they can mutually understand each other. Where there are no fights on the car rides too and from here. Where they can talk about anything like he can with his mom and he gets it. That’s all he wants. Is that behind the door?

Mo waltzes into his room, looking around to see what could be new. As he steps inside, right next to him a desk and on top of the desk a laptop. Guanshan stares at it confused on how his dad could afford that. He drops his backpack beside the desk to turn back to his father who is standing in the middle of the living room waiting for the thank you he wishes to receive.

For a moment all Guanshan can do is stare back at his father, mouth agape giving the weirdest look he can. He can’t believe it. There has to be some sort of catch.

 

“You like it?” He asks, hands in his pockets, waiting for his son’s answer.

 

“Why?” Guanshan questions. It’s the only thing that could come out of his mouth; all he could think of to say. A laptop is a bit extravagant for an addition to the room. He thought it was going to be a poster or something simple like that.

 

“I know you get bored when I’m not around.” His dad shrugs as if the payment on that electronic was nothing. “I thought maybe you could find a way to make time pass with the internet. You can serf you weird little social media websites or video chat your friends or whatever it is kids your age do with computers.”

 

He doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s still shocked that was the surprise waiting for him. Guanshan just stares at his father, quietly as his thoughts swirl for a response. This is too generous. Just the other week his dad couldn’t afford to get him a dresser. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

                                                                                                                                   ~

 

Later in the evening after Guanshan finished setting up his new laptop he decided to tell He Tian about it. He’ll be the one to contact him first since he hasn’t heard from him yet which is a bit shocking but then again He Tian did tell him to call first this time. For their talk tonight it isn’t going to be any regular old phone call or a text, because Guanshan is going to surprise He Tian with a skype call. 

Weirdly enough it kind of sucks not getting to see that idiot’s stupid smirk all weekend. Sometime Mo might even miss it. He Tian is his closest friend anyway so it’s alright to miss him. He already has the application open and clicks the call button, waiting patiently for an answer. Who knows if he’ll even pick up but he’d like to hear from him tonight. They talk every friday after he arrives at his dad’s and he’d like to keep that going.

 

No answer.

 

Huh. Weird. 

 

Guanshan tries again thinking he may not have had his phone on him or something. He’s not worried, no there is no point to be but deep in the confines of his mind he wonders if He Tian isn’t picking up because he’s with Kuai Hua. As far as he knows though they still aren’t talking and Guanshan knows that without a doubt He Tian would have said if they made up. 

 

“Well look who made it there safely.” He Tian smiles when he answers. He’s using his phone and from what he can see he’s lying on his bed. “What are you up to?”

 

“Skyping you from my new computer.” Guanshan says a tiny bit smugly. It’s nice and he’s been needing one too. 

 

He Tian gives him a look. “You’re dad got you a new computer?”

 

“Yeah I thought it was weird too,” Guanshan says then shrugs, “but I’m not complaining.”

 

“We should skype every night then.” He Tian offers, Mo kind of liking the idea of that. It would give him some entertainment whenever he has nothing to do. It will also decrease his loneliness when he’s up here too.

 

Oh that reminds him...he never texted Eric back about hanging out tonight. Eh he doesn’t really have to.

 

“We probably will.” He nods then goes quiet. His dad won’t be home tomorrow and he’ll be stuck here by himself so...why not have He Tian over? His dad will never know and he doesn’t have to know. Guanshan doesn’t really care if his dad hates him any way.

 

As Guanshan is about to ask He Tian to come over he gets cut off. “Was your dad pissed at you for what I said?” He asks. He’s been worrying about this whole time they’ve been apart. 

“A little.” Mo sighs trying not to think about it too much. “I shut him up though so don’t worry about it. Everything is fine now.”

 

“He hates me, doesn’t he?”

 

“Yeah, I take after him.” Guanshan jokes making He Tian chuckle. There’s that smile he missed. 

 

“I know you don’t hate me, Mountain.” He Tian says rather confidently and he’s not wrong. Actually he couldn’t be more right. 

 

“Only a tiny bit.” He laughs but he needs to get back on track. He wants to know if He Tian would like to come spend time with him tomorrow. Maybe even Zhengxi could come and they could all hang out and have a good time. “Hey uh...do you think maybe you and Zhengxi would like to come up tomorrow while my dad’s at work? Have lunch together at the diner I like to go to?”

 

“Sounds like a date to me.”

 

“It’s not a date.” Guanshan scoffs. “Zhengxi will be there so get over yourself you creep.”

 

He Tian smiles. “I let him now. I’m sure he has nothing better to do than sit home and think about Jian Yi.”

 

It will be nice to have the two of them around in an unfamiliar place. It makes it easier to be somewhere new with people you’re comfortable with, especially for Guanshan. As he goes to give He Tian the address he’s once again interrupted but not by his friend. 

 

“Sweetie, who are you talking to?” Guanshan hears a voice come from the computer and he knows that voice. That’s Kuai Hua’s voice. 

 

The expression on He Tian’s face is a mix of shock and guilt like he doesn’t know what to say or do. He knows very well he is in trouble though and it’s going to be from Guanshan and Kuai Hua. Who knows what will be worse? 

Kuai Hua grabs the phone from He Tian’s hand and her face is now all Mo can see causing a grimace to take place upon his face. Everything about her he can’t stand.

 

“Ew.” She says when she sees who it is He Tian was talking to. “Can’t you see he’s busy? Why don’t you get a life and leave him alone?” Then the screen disappears. 

Wow. He lied to him. He Tian fucking lied to him and he should have known it. Kuai Hua has been attached to his hip since day one so why the hell should Mo have thought things completely ended between those two? Still, a secret between them? He Tian kept that from him even after saying he wasn’t in love with her...then why is he still with her?

The emotion in Guanshan’s chest is one he’s never felt before. He feels betrayed, he feels lied to and sick to his stomach. He feels like an idiot because Kuai Hua tries to make him feel like one. Get a life, huh? Fine. He will. Guanshan grabs his phone from the desk, scrolling through his contacts till he finds what he’s looking for. 

 

“Hey,” he says into the phone, “do you still want to hang out tonight?”

  
  


                                                                                                                                ~

  
  


“You’re gonna love this.” Eric promises, leading Guanshan down a steep hill, thick with trees, grabbing onto his arm so he doesn’t fall.

 

“Where are you even taking me?” Mo asks, insanely confused in his new surrounding.

 

The redhead is still shocked his dad said he could go out even after the sun started to set. Maybe he’s actually starting to realize he can’t say no too often to Guanshan. Still, it’s strange being out in a town he doesn’t know with someone who is practically a stranger as the sky is purple and peachy colors waiting for the sun to go down.

 

“You’ll see.” Eric tries not to laugh. He is concentrating too hard on not letting them slip down this hill. Injury is not on the list of fun tonight. 

 

Finally, the reach the bottom, finding a river, calm in it’s movements and gleaming in a way Guanshan hasn’t seen. He wonders why Eric would bring him here to hang out. What are they gonna do, skip rocks?

 

“A river?” Guanshan asks slowly, watching the back of Eric’s head as he walks farther away from and closer to the water.

 

“I come here to clear my mind.” He says turning back to Guanshan. “I know you and your friend are kind of fighting right now.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Mo says quickly. He Tian is the last thing he wants to talk about.

 

For the past hour he’s been doing nothing but blowing up Guanshan’s phone, once again. It’s driving him crazy so that bastard is the last thing he wants to think about right now. 

 

“Okay, don’t talk.” Eric shrugs then smiles over at the redhead. “Swim.”

 

Mo looks from Eric to the water with a raised brow. “I didn’t bring a swimsuit.” He says.

 

“Who said you needed a swimsuit?” He asks before he lifts his shirt up and over his head. “Underwear is practically the same thing.”

 

Guanshan stands there, watching Eric strip down to just a thin pair of boxer briefs. His arms are crossed feeling so out of his comfort zone right now. He doesn’t get how Eric is fine with every line in his underwear is leaving no imagination to the mind. Aren’t people supposed to be uncomfortable in their unmentionables? 

 

“You don’t need to be shy around me.” Eric tells him as he watches Mo do nothing but stand in the same spot. “I’m not going to judge you and I promise I’m not a pervert.”

 

Guanshan doesn’t move.

 

“Take your time,” Eric tries his best to give him a bit of comfort. “No rush. I’m gonna go jump in.”

 

The redhead watches him get a running start into the water before diving into the deeper end. He sees him pop up from underneath the water, wiping it up and out of his face. He isn’t even paying attention to Guanshan right now, just enjoying the water. Maybe he doesn’t need to feel so weird about wearing his boxers as a swimsuit. Like Eric said, they’re practically the same thing.

Guanshan starts to remove his clothes from his body doing his best to control the nervous shaking as he does so. He turns away from the water as he removes his pants, hoping that maybe that will ease some of his anxiety about being watched as he does this. He’s sure Eric isn’t a pervert, he hasn’t shown any signs of being one, it’s just something Guanshan isn’t used to.

Being shirtless in front of someone isn’t so bad but more? That’s stretching it a tiny bit too far for Mo. He keeps his clothes on, that’s how he prefers it. He just needs a distraction right now so swimming around half naked in near dark is going to have to be his distraction. 

Guanshan walks slowly into the water, not diving in quickly like Eric had done. Eric laughs at him a little, splashing water at him causing the redhead’s skin to get covered in goosebumps. It’s not even really hot enough to swim, only warm enough to tolerate being without a sweater yet he’s still walking farther in.

 

“Don’t splash me asshole, or I’ll make you take me home.” Mo warns but Eric doesn’t take offense, he chuckles at him.

 

“Okay, okay,” he surrenders, “I’ll be good, I promise.” 

 

The fact that Eric grew to understand Guanshan’s behavior towards practically everything rather quickly is a shock. Most of the time people have to warm up to it or just ignore him altogether. He’s different than a lot of people he’s known and it’s kind of comforting that he is who he is.

Soon Guanshan has up to his hips submerged in the water, shivering like crazy, holding his hands tightly to his chest to cover himself up and partially keep him warm. Mo stands there, not moving any further in thinking he’s fine where he is.

 

“I think I’m good where I am.” He announces making Eric scoff.

 

“Oh come on you big baby.” He says back to Mo causing him to catch his glare. “You’re missing out.”

 

“Well, I don’t care, I’m-” Guanshan is caught off when his arm is grabbed and he’s finally pulled underwater. 

 

Quickly, Guanshan resurfaces, wiping the water from his face. He scowls over at Eric who can’t hold back his laughter. Now Mo is even colder; that asshole sure has a lot of nerve.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He tries to plead but it isn’t working. “Oh come on don’t look at me like that, I just wanted you to have a good time.”

 

Guanshan doesn’t stop staring at him, Eric’s smile fading when he starts to realize he really pissed him off.

 

“Do you want me to take you home?” He asks. He won’t push Guanshan any further than he already has.

 

The redhead says nothing back to him. Instead he makes his way towards Eric, getting deeper into the water before he dives at him, pulling him under. It’s out of fun because just before Guanshan pounced at him he smiled and laughed. He’s gonna get Eric back for that.

The two of them spend some time swimming around, tackling each other underneath the water and as Eric says, clear their mind. After a while though, all Guanshan could think about is He Tian and Kuai Hua. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he lied to him and why it hurt so much. Mo swam to a rock that was sticking out so he could take a break since his thoughts were weighing him down.

Eric notices Guanshan sitting on the rock, legs hugged tightly to his chest. He swims over to him, climbing on top of the rock as well so sit next to him. Eric knows to an extent what’s bother him but he also knows he’s sensitive about it. 

 

“Yo wanna talk about it?” He asks Guanshan carefully. His face seems so lost like his thoughts can’t relax. The poor guy is really is devastated by whatever this He Tian guy did.

 

“Have you ever had a friend lie to you?” Mo asks lowly, his voice almost inaudible. 

 

“A few times, yeah.”

 

“He told me he didn’t love her…” Guanshan trails off. He tries to find the right things to say and he’s sure he already lost Eric. “His girlfriend isn’t really his girlfriend, she’s his friend with benefits. He says he can’t stand her all the time but he won’t let her go.”

 

“I see.” Eric says before letting the other continue.

 

“They fight all the time, stop talking then make up the next day and she hates me just because I’m his friend.” Guanshan goes on. “I don’t get what I did to her.”

 

“Last week,” Mo continues onto a different idea, “He Tian kicked her out of his house because she was being mean to me. Last I knew things were over between them and he told me he didn’t love her but today while I was skyping him she was there and saw it was me he was talking to. I really didn’t expect to see her and I probably shouldn’t be as mad as I am but he lied to me. The bastard lied to me.” 

 

“Guanshan, listen to me.” Eric says carefully, “anything you’re feeling right now is valid. He Tian is your friend and he didn’t tell you they patched things up but can I tell you something?”

 

Guanshan looks over to Eric, hoping to get something to make you feel better. 

“I’ve in a way been in He Tian’s shoes.” He starts. “I once really really liked someone but they didn’t want me in anyway. Then there was someone who did want me but I didn’t really want them. We started sleeping together but I never pegged it as more because I still wanted this other person. The person I was with drove me crazy all the time, we started to fight and disagree but I always held tightly onto them. You know why?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because if I let them go I would have felt even more lonely than when I was with them.” Eric says. “The feeling of loneliness sucks, especially when you can’t have who you want. So even if He Tian did a shitty thing, he’s probably lonely and doesn’t know how else to cope with it than sleep with this girl.”

 

It makes sense but why the hell would He Tian be lonely? He does sleep alone in his own place that is close to empty and he doesn’t have someone he loves or a parent that cares about him. Okay, so the lonely idea makes sense but Guanshan still wishes he wasn’t lied to.

 

“I still wish he told me.” He says.

 

“I know,” Eric reassures, “but he was probably ashamed of himself. Trust me I know the feeling.”

 

“Did you end up getting the one you wanted?” Guanshan asks. He’s curious to if loneliness can be cured.

 

Eric chuckles a little. “Um, when he found out I liked him he made sure to turn me down in front of a crowd extremely loudly so I’d be a laughing stock.”

“Him?” Mo asks a tiny bit confused but when he sees Eric’s face he gets it. 

 

Oh...okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and let me know what you thought!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again...a late update and I'm sorry. My work causes this horrible thing called low motivation so all I want to do is sleep all day when I am home. But hey here's the new chapter! Hope you like it!

Guanshan stirs, waking up to the smell of breakfast being made. He stretches on the couch that he slept on last night after Eric had asked him if he wanted to come over. He must have fallen asleep here while they were watching a movie. Eric even had placed a blanket over Guanshan after he fell asleep which was rather nice of him.

As Guanshan sits up, behind him he finds Eric in the kitchen cooking breakfast, his back turned to him.

 

“What time is it?” The tired redhead grumbles as he gets his bearings.

 

“Eight-thirty.” Eric says lightly, placing the food on two plates, putting them on the island where he plans for the two of them to sit to enjoy their breakfast. “Time to wake up sunshine.”

 

Guanshan groans, ignoring that last thing Eric had said. He doesn’t have the energy to fight over a simple term of endearment. He stalks into the kitchen to one of the red stools, plopping down, happily grabbing the fork beside his plate to eat. Mo is starving and what Eric made looks good. Guanshan didn’t even know he could cook; what a pleasant surprise. 

 

“Good?” Eric asks, watching the other’s tired expression as he chews lazily, eyes half closed.

 

“Not bad,” He mutters, “for a waiter.” 

 

Eric chuckles. “They use me in the kitchen too.” He defends. “I know how to cook.”

 

Guanshan just shrugs. He’s exhausted. Those two were up into the wee hours of the night just talking and getting to know each other better. He learned more about that guy Eric liked and the one he had a thing with. Guanshan felt really bad for him because he knew what he was doing was wrong but he couldn’t bring himself to end it due to how lonely he was. 

Eric also listened to Mo about He Tian and all that stupid shit he has done before. It was good to get a lot of junk off his chest. Even with the friends he has, he doesn’t really tell them much. It feels better to tell it to someone who doesn’t really know him because then if they don’t like it, it’s easier to lose a new friend over an old one.

 

Mo notices they’re the only two here, even last night. He wonders if Eric lives alone like He Tian.

 

“Your parents around?” He asks but Eric chuckles.

 

“No they’re back in LA, California in America.” He tells him, eating his own food as they talk. “After high school I wasn’t really feeling college so against my father’s dismay dropped out in the middle of my second year and chose to travel. My parents help pay for me to live out here but I work for my money too.”

 

“So you’re loaded?” Guanshan asks a bit annoyed. Lovely, another guy with money. Why does he keep meeting people with money?

 

“Well my parents have money.” He shrugs with a smile. “They just help out a bit.”

 

“So, uh…” Guanshan stutters, “how old are you?” He’s been wondering this since they’ve met. He’s really hoping he’s not like secretly thirty looking really good for his age.

 

“I’m twenty-one.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Not much is said between them for a moment but something has been on Eric’s mind since he woke up.

“Hey,” Eric says lightly, trying to gain Guanshan’s attention again, “I just want to thank you for last night.”

 

“What do you mean?” Mo asks curiously. 

 

“For not freaking out when you found out about…” he pauses. It’s all still strange to say to new people. “When you found out about my preferences.”

 

“Oh,” Guanshan realizes what he is trying to say then shrugs. “It’s no big deal really. I don’t care.”

 

“Really?” the other asks. He’s used to guys not willing to be his friend for that reason. 

 

“Well my best friend is bi so it’s not really all that weird to me.” Guanshan answers honestly. 

 

Normally, or back in middle school this kind of this would make him a bit weird around others but as years past he got used to the idea. The more he’s thought about it, seen it he doesn’t understand how it could be a bad thing or how it could even affect him. Also, with Jian Yi becoming his friend he wouldn’t have a right to be uncomfortable towards it when all he wanted to do was tell Guanshan all the cute things him and Zhengxi did. 

 

“Oh,” Eric nods, thinking he knows exactly who he is talking about. “He Tian?”

 

Guanshan looks up at him a bit surprised he guessed so quickly. Has he called He Tian his best friend out loud before? Possibly.

 

“Yeah, him.” Is all he says. 

 

“Hey if you want you can come hang out at the diner today.” Eric tells Guanshan. “Chen will be there too. She’d love to see you.” 

 

“I have nothing better to do.” He says as he finishes up his food. He’d like to actually have something to do again on a Saturday. 

  
  


~

 

Chen usually spent her day hanging out at the diner as well as Eric. Most days, most hours they were together so it wasn’t strange for her to spend his work hours in a booth waiting for him to get off shift. Now she had Guanshan to keep her company as she scribbled a sketch in her sketchbook. 

 

“You draw, huh?” Mo asks peeking past her hand to get a look at what she could be drawing but it’s took far in it’s early stages to know.

 

“Yeah,” she says slowly, her eyes not leaving her paper. “It’s a hobby of mine. Do you have any?”

 

“I like to cook.” 

 

Chen looks up from her sketchbook, smiling. “Is that all?” 

 

“Video games I guess.”

 

“Well cooking is quite a talent, I will say.” She chuckles, going back to her work. She isn’t teasing him, she means it. She just hasn’t met another man with a love for cooking since Eric. 

 

“Where did you learn to draw?” Guanshan asks trying to make conversation. 

 

“Practice, practice my dear friend.” She replies, lifting her sketchbook so Guanshan can no longer even peek at the paper.

 

Chen goes quiet very quickly when she’s busy. Last time when he met her she was very talkative. It’s nice to see two sides of her. Guanshan kind of just watches her silently so he doesn’t disturb her. He’s sure it can get frustrating when you’re doing that and someone won’t stop talking. 

Mo takes out his phone seeing how many unread messages he has from He Tian. This is just like that other week when he pissed him off. Guanshan had to put do not disturb on again so his phone would stop vibrating in his pocket. He rolls his eyes at the ‘57’ resting the the corner of his messaging app. He figures he might as well open the thread just to get the notification to go away. Also, he’s sure it would piss He Tian off to see he’s read them all but hasn’t replied. 

 

_ Please don’t ignore me, Mountain. Talk to me.  _ Is the first message he reads. What an idiot.

 

_ I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I should have but I swear to God I’m still not dating her.  _ For some reason this one hurts. Okay they’re not dating but he’s still sleeping with her. If she isn’t important to him he should just drop her.

 

_ Let me explain, please.  _ Guanshan thinks back to last night and the story Eric told him. Could He Tian really just be lonely?

 

_ The night we patched things up I wasn’t feeling myself. You have to believe me.  _ Guanshan wants to. He really wants to.

 

_ Guanshan answer me, please.  _ Why the hell does he seem so desperate? Why does he care so much what Guanshan thinks.

 

_ Please.  _ Mo can’t handle anymore so he drops his phone on the table. He’s never seen such desperation in He Tian’s words before and for some reason that makes him nervous. 

 

The bell on the diner door chimes but Guanshan doesn’t look behind him to see who has entered. He doesn’t really care. Chen does though, and she quickly looks up from her drawing doing a double take.

 

“Well I just became straight for a split second.” She jokes making Guanshan raise a brow at her then turn to see who came through the door. “Oh wait is that He Tian?”

Indeed it is, and right behind him Zhengxi. Really? The asshole couldn’t guess that hanging out was now off the table? He doesn’t know the address to where he lives up here so of course he’s gonna search the whole town for him. 

Guanshan does his best to hide himself. He knows if He Tian sees his hair he’ll be revealed for sure. Chen though? She doesn’t realize Mo is trying to hide himself.

 

“Hey! He Tian,” she calls, the redhead trying to stop her but it doesn’t work, “over here!”

 

He Tian turns actually recognizing Chen and he smiles as he makes his way over to her. He even notices that red hair from behind the booth. He has found what he’s looking for.

Instead of sitting next to Mo he sits next to Chen, Zhengxi taking the spot next to the redhead. 

 

“How’ve you been?” He Tian asks the girl next to him. He’s met her many, many times and remembers back when she went to school with them.

 

“I’m making it.” She smiles at him. “How are you? How’s Kuai Hua? She doesn’t text or call much anymore.”

 

“Eh that’s just who she is, but I’m not in the mood to talk about her.” He Tian waves off then looks to Guanshan. “I missed my Mountain.”

 

Chen looks from the two boys and she thinks she caught was He Tian meant but she isn’t sure if Guanshan did.

 

“Oh I see,” she smirks. “Well, hey I’ll leave you three crazy kids alone.” She gestures for He Tian to move and he does so Chen can move from her seat and make her way over to the counter and possibly talk to Eric. 

 

Instead of going back to sit in the side of the booth he started in, He Tian scoots into the one the two other boys are in, crushing Guanshan into the wall and making Zhengxi insanely uncomfortable. 

 

“Are you going to talk to me?” He Tian asks past Zhengxi who is pushing himself as far back into the back of the cushion as possibly. He doesn’t want to be in the middle of this;  _ literally. _

 

“I’m not having this fight with you.” Mo complains, looking out the window beside him. He wasn’t expecting to see him so soon. He kind of wanted the weekend to cool off and just forgive him like he always does. He just isn’t in the mood to do it now. 

 

“You said you wanted to hang out with us yesterday.” Tian starts to get a little angry. “Are you gonna spend time with us or no?”

 

“Don’t drag me in this.” Zhengxi mumbles from his sunken spot in the back of the cushion. “And can you please back up a little? I can still smell that pack of cigarettes you smoked on your breath.

 

He Tian doesn’t back away.

 

“Come on,” he pushes at Guanshan. “Are you going to answer me?”

 

Mo completely ignores him, ducking under the table to escape on the other side of the booth. He spots Eric talking to Chen at the end of counter so he heads that way in hopes for an escape. Of course He Tian follows. He doesn’t need Kuai Hua being the reason they keep fighting. 

Guanshan grabs Eric’s elbow, getting close to him, trying to signal he needs help. 

 

“Sorry but I’m hanging out with Eric today.” He says making the other feel a tad bit on  the spot. Oh God that’s He Tian? “Right?”

 

“Uh…” Eric looks from Guanshan to He Tian then finally stops his attention on the redhead. “Can I talk to you really quick?”

 

He pulls Mo into the back of the restaurant where he can speak to him privately.

 

“Look,” he starts, voice at a low tone, “I really enjoy spending time with you and I think you’re really awesome and what He Tian did was kind of dickish but I feel comfortable enough to be able to be honest with you. I’m really not comfortable being put on the spot.”

 

Guanshan looks to the floor, confused. Huh. Ling used to do that kind of thing for him when he was in need of emergency help. He didn’t really assume he hadn’t known Eric long enough to do that kind of thing.

 

“I...I’m sorry.” Is all he can think of to say.

 

“No, no please don’t beat yourself up over it.” Eric begs. “I’m happy to spend time with you, anytime even today. I just get nervous with that kind of thing and I had no idea he looked that intimidating.”

 

“He’s really not all that bad.” Mo shrugs. He’s grown used to them. 

 

“I consider you my friend.” Eric continues. “So I wanted to let you know how I felt.”

 

Guanshan nods hesitantly, understanding how his new friend is feeling. It may not have been right to throw Eric under the bus like that he just wasn’t too sure how else to escape He Tian. Maybe he shouldn’t escape him at all.

 

“You want my advice?” Eric asks carefully.

 

“Sure.” Mo sighs.

 

“Talk to him.” He tells him. “If you want a proper explanation and you want to get through this as friends, call him out. Don’t avoid him.”

 

He’s right and Guanshan knows this. He doesn’t understand what stops him from facing He Tian but he needs to get over it and just talk to him. Kuai Hua is not allowed to be the reason they’re arguing anymore. 

Guanshan walks out from the back, Eric right behind him going back to talk to Chen. Standing straight, Mo looks up at He Tian.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

He Tian’s face looks sullen now, like a puppy locked out in the rain. “That’s all I wanted.”

 

The two of them walk outside to the back of the restaurant, near a dumpster but at least they’re alone. Hopefully no one will come out and bother them and hopefully poor Zhengxi isn’t uncomfortable left all alone inside. 

 

“Look,”He Tian tries to start but he’s cut off when Guanshan starts to yell.

 

“No, you’re going to let me talk first,” he cries angrily. He didn’t realise how mad he was until he got the chance to express it. “Why didn’t you tell me, huh? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I-”

 

“No, shut up.” Sure Guanshan wants answers but he wants to yell and scream out each question that’s been hurting him. “When did this even happen? How long have you been  hiding this from me? And don’t you dare fucking lie, I swear to God.”

 

“A little over a week ago after you came back up here.” He Tian says honestly. He might as well tell the truth. There is nothing that is going to make Guanshan any less angry.

 

Mo goes quiet for a moment. Somehow he knew it had been a little while. Kuai Hua seemed a bit too comfortable to be there again last night. There was no way they had made up then.

 

“You told me you weren’t in love with her.” Guanshan chokes out, voice gone quiet. Why is this hurting him the way it is?

 

He Tian frowns. He thought he had made this clear. “I’m not.” He urges, hands firmly gripping Guanshan’s biceps. “I’m not I swear. Have you not listened to a word I said?”

 

“But you-”

 

“No, listen to me.” He Tian orders. He needs to explain this in a way to cover himself a bit all while still being honest. “I don’t love Kuai Hua. She’s there when I’m bored, horny and lonely. That’s it. You need to believe I don’t want her.”

 

The redhead looks into He Tian’s eyes and he believes him. Every word he had just said reminds him of the story Eric had told him. He Tian is lonely. Still, Guanshan doesn’t fully understand it.

 

“Why her?” Mo asks. “Why not a bunch of girls, or guys?”

 

For a moment He Tian doesn’t say anything. He still meets people on the side of Kuai Hua. Sometimes another girl sometimes a boy but it’s not too often he’s on the prowl. There is something about sleeping around that has caused a deeper hole to be created inside him.

 

“It’s...familiar.” He Tian finally answers. “It’s routine almost. With Kuai Hua I’m filling this void in me that I can’t fill with the right thing right now. It’s fucked up but I use her to fill it.”

 

Guanshan may never fully understand this but he wants to try and get it. If He Tian is so lonely and he wants something, why hasn’t he gone after it yet? 

 

“Just,” Mo sighs, “be honest with me from now on. I can’t handle anymore lies from you.”

 

“I promise.” He says. “And trust me, I didn’t want to make up with Kuai Hua. I want you to know that.”

 

Guanshan chuckles a little, He doesn’t really believe that. “Then why did you?”

 

“I’m weak.” He answers quickly. “You may not think so but I’m not that strong. Not lately. It’s just when she comes around, I’m reminded that I can’t have what I want. That for some reason I finally not what everyone wants.”

 

Mo snorts. “You’re He Tian.” he says. “You can have anyone you want.”

 

“Yeah...you’d think so.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet! With PLOT DEVELOPMENT! HELL YEAH! Anyway I worked hard on this one and it's a chapter I was excited to get done so I hope you like it!

“Look at the way he looks at him.” Eric whines to Chen. He’s referring to the way He Tian is staring at Mo as the three boys at that table all talk and discuss plans for the day. “Do you think he likes him?”

 

Chen peers over her shoulder getting a good look at who Eric is talking about. She smiles to herself. She hasn’t seen her friend so head-over-heals for someone probably ever. She’s not surprised though with the stories she has heard.

 

“And so what if he does?” Chen asks turning back to her friend. “Just because He Tian likes Guanshan doesn’t mean the feeling’s are mutual.”

 

“You haven’t heard the way he talks about him.” He sighs thinking about all the things, all the strong worries Guanshan has told him about. 

 

“Hey,” Chen says softly, “don’t worry so much about it. Yes he’s a cutie but take your time.”

 

“But what if I take my time and then hottest guy of the year He Tian swoops in and snatches him up?” Eric is trying his hardest not to keep looking over at their table but he can’t help but to look at He Tian. That guy is really only eighteen? He looks closer to Eric’s own age.

 

“Alright, fine.” Chen laughs but she is serious. “You want to find out if things can happen? You wanna know what you should do?”

 

“Yes, please.” He pouts. 

 

“You’re not going to like my advice,” she forewarns, “but you should make a move.”

 

Eric looks taken aback. He’s not one for making moves on people he just met and has only spent time with a handful of times. He’d call himself a gentleman if he wasn’t so humble. 

 

“Are you crazy?” He asks her. “I’d get punched before anything good would happen.”

 

“He may seem tough,” Chen tells him, “but I doubt he’d punch you. Guanshan seems like he’s pretty sweet just nervous especially around new people. But you need to trust me that making a move, even a small one will make a world of difference.” 

 

Chen may be right but that kind of thing scares the hell out of Eric. He has almost forgotten how long it’s been since he’s been in a relationship. Those don’t work out too well for him sadly so making a move Guanshan is the scariest thing he could do.

Eric sees Guanshan get up from  the booth, laughing and he smiles. He’s really attractive when he smiles. Mo is making his way over to the counter so Eric has to make it seem like he wasn’t staring. 

 

“Hey,” He says to him, “would you guys want to hang out with us? Maybe you could take us where you took me last night.”

 

“You took him to your spot?” Chen asks with a wide smile. “Wow, you must really like him.”

 

Eric hits his friend’s arm. Damn girl is always trying to give him away. “I 

think that would be great.” 

Guanshan nods, heading back to his seat to tell the others. Eric’s eyes follow him and he catches a glance from He Tian. It doesn’t look angry but it doesn’t look happy either. He’s smirking at him, almost studying him and it makes Eric uncomfortable. Does he know?

 

                                                                                                                         ~

 

Later in the day around three Guanshan brings He Tian and Zhengxi to his house and agreed to meet Eric and Chen at the spot in about an hour. They thought maybe it would be best to get some stuff together this time such as towels, food and maybe even a change of clothes.

 

“This is so much smaller than your other place.” Zhengxi mentions once they walk in, removing their shoes at the door.

 

“Yeah, I know.” Guanshan mutters walking into the bathroom to grab a few of his dad’s towels. “I never said it was beautiful.”

 

“I want to see your room.” He Tian says as he looks around the tiny apartment. 

 

“Stay away from my room.” Guanshan barks from the bathroom.. He doesn’t need him snooping through his things or commenting on how his bathroom is bigger. 

 

Of course He Tian doesn’t listen and starts to open any door he sees. Of course the first door on the left his Guanshan’s so he found it almost immediately.

 

“Oh my god,” He Tian laughs. “I’ve seen homeless shelters look more homey.”

 

Guanshan grumbles knowing exactly what he is talking about. He stomps out of the bathroom to confront him and finds the idiot lying on his bed reading one of the magazines he’s left here before going home.

 

“You’re bed is so not comfortable.” He Tian says just flipping through the pages of the magazine. “You really like articles on horoscopes, don’t you?”

 

With a growl Guanshan snatches the magazine from him. “It’s none of your business what I like to read.”

 

“As your best friend I disagree.” He smirks. He missed that grumpy face that’s only grumpy because that’s who he is. He doesn’t care for the real anger Mo can release. “I should know all your interests and enjoyments.”

“Oh yeah?” Mo challenges. “Who says?”

 

“Let’s ask the expert, shall we?” He Tian cheers and he sits up in bed. “Hey, Zhengxi!” He calls after the boy still waiting in the living room. Shortly after he arrives in the doorway.

 

“What do you want?” He asks leaning against the entryway, hands in his pockets.

 

“Did you know anything and everything about your best friend?” He Tian asks. “Was there anything you didn’t know about Jian Yi?”

 

For a moment Zhengxi goes quiet, his eyes escaping to the floor. It’s still hard to talk about, maybe even more that one of his secrets about Jian Yi are out.

 

“I feel like I knew everything about him,” Zhengxi says quietly, “then again he did leave without saying anything to me. Still it was different for us.”

 

“Different, how?”

 

“Well,” he takes a deep breath, “in a way we were...well we were lovers.”

 

It goes quiet in the room for a second. No words involving love have ever slipped past this boy’s lips, at least around them. Also, to admit such a thing about Jian Yi, to say it so clearly is unlike him. Zhengxi hid it for many reasons but none that really held up to mean anything. The only one who knew was Guanshan and even Zhengxi didn’t know that. 

 

“Finally admitting it, huh?” He Tian asks.

 

“It’s not worth keeping a secret anymore.” He shrugs. “He’s gone and even now I was too scared to say anything. Even if he isn’t here, it’s not fair to him to keep lying to myself about how I felt about him.”

 

_ “Guess what he said to last night, Guanshan! Guess!” Jian Yi squealed getting extremely giddy around his new friend who would listen to the gossip. _

 

_ Guanshan rolled his eyes as he tried to concentrate on his stupid homework that he promised his mom he would finish _

 

_ “I’m bad at guessing,” he mumbled not looking to Jian Yi who sat on the bed behind him, “just tell me.” _

_ “He told me he loves me.” He beamed at the back of Guanshan’s head. For a moment the redhead stops, turning to Jian Yi whose smile is wider than usual. _

 

_ “Really?” Mo asked slowly. He can’t even picture that guy saying those words to anyone. “Zhengxi said that to you?”  _

 

_ Jian Yi nodded still smiling. “He’s getting more comfortable. He’s understanding it more; how he feels. It’s like everyday is an improvement.” _

 

_ “Wow. Good for you then.” Guanshan said turning back to his homework. “Now shut up and let me finish this. He Tian has been getting on my case about not doing the homework.” _

 

_ Jian Yi laid back on the bed, smirking at that. Him and He Tian certainly do spend a lot of time together now that he’s tutoring the redhead.  _

 

_ “How is He Tian, anyway?” _

 

_ “Stupid and annoying as ever.” Guanshan answered quickly trying to concentrate. “The bastard won’t leave me alone.” _

 

_ “Maybe he likes you.” Jian Yi half joked making Mo quiver. _

 

_ “Please don’t ever say that again.” _

 

_ “What,” the blonde laughed, “you don’t think He Tian is cuuuuute?”  _

 

_ “Jian Yi,” Guanshan warned, turning from his work once again, “I swear to God.” _

 

_ Jian Yi made a fake gasp as if he had just realized something. He loved teasing Guanshan so much. “You do!” _

 

_ “I don’t!” _

 

_ “You want to hug him and kiss him-” _

 

_ “Jian Yi, shut up before I make you.” _

 

_ “What, are you gonna hit me?” _

 

_ “Yes!” _

 

_ For a moment the blonde thought it over in his head. “Hmm...worth it! You want him to hold you in his big strong arms and tell you he loves you-” _

 

_ Guanshan tackled Jian Yi, wrestling him off the bed, doing his best not to hurt him too bad, just enough to teach him a proper lesson on when to shut the fuck up. Of course though, this wasn’t the last time Jian Yi had joked about that. _

  
  


                                                                                                                                  ~

 

He Tian drove the three of them down to Eric’s little hide out in his car. It was a bit longer of a drive than He Tian expected but he found Eric and Chen parked on the side of the road in a wooded area. 

 

“Are you guy’s ready?” Eric asks them once they all step out of the car. “I know it’s not exactly hot out but that’s the fun part.” 

 

“Guanshan didn’t tell us what we were doing.” He Tian says as he walk up to Eric. “Just grabbed towels and extra clothes and sent us on our way. Don’t tell me we’re going skinny dipping.”

 

“Um...boxers are an option He Tian.” Eric laughs a little. “I sure hope you wear some kind of underwear on a regular basis.”

 

Eric leads them through a field, up a mountain just to get to the little trail to the river. It’s far but the scenery is nice. He Tian can’t remember the last time he walked so much but oh well. He gets to spend time with Guanshan and that’s all that really matters.

 

“Hey,” he whispers to Guanshan who walks beside him, “you know what’s really exciting about this?”

 

“What?” 

 

“I get to spend time with my favorite person.” He Tian smiles, nudging Guanshan a little making him blush. “Also you’re gonna be in your underwear and that’s exciting for different reasons.”

 

Guanshan rolls his eyes, walking a little faster to get ahead and stand next to Zhengxi. “Does he ever stop saying gross things?”

 

Zhengxi looks back at He Tian who is grinning ear to ear. He’s always proud of himself when he makes sexual comments. Even if he doesn’t mean them, it’s the reaction he gets from Guanshan that he enjoys the most. 

 

“He’s just messing with you.” Zhengxi whispers to him. “He likes a reaction.”

 

“Well he needs to quit it.” Guanshan complain, Zhengxi watching him from the corner of his eye.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure?”

 

“When He Tian says these things to you, do you hate it because you think it’s gross and you don’t want him advancing on you like that or is it just embarrassing to hear and you don’t understand how to feel about it?”

 

Guanshan looks at Zhengxi with a loss for words. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

 

Zhengxi shakes his head, looking forward. “Nevermind.” He says. “It’s not important.”

 

                                                                                                                                 ~

 

Down at the river, Eric starts to get himself ready to jump in. Chen is over with Guanshan and He Tian watches from afar. It’s not often he sees Mo having friendly conversations. He’s not the social type so to see him actually being social is strangely concerning. Why do these two get his kindness when it took He Tian months to even get a glimpse of it? 

He Tian is leaning against a tree, watching Eric pull his towel from his duffel he brought. Tian leans over to Zhengxi next to him already starting to remove clothing.

 

“What do you think his deal is?” He Tian asks not looking away from Eric. 

 

“Deal?” Zhengxi questions looking from He Tian and the boy he won’t stop staring down. 

 

“Intentions?” He suggests. “Or, you know, type.”

 

It takes a second but then Zhengxi understands. He gets closer to He Tian than before and lowers his voice. 

 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” He warns. “I get you might be jealous but don’t go embarrassing the guy cause you can’t handle your own shattered ego.”

 

Slowly He Tian looks to Zhengxi, no change in his expression. “Tell me again why I haven’t beat the living shit out of you.”

 

“I’m like your conscience.” he says. “You may want to hit me but you can’t because in the end you know I’m right and I always help you out.”

 

“Oh why thank you.” He Tian breathes sarcastically. 

 

“What are friends for?” Zhengxi smiles before walking away. He makes his way to Guanshan and Chen, them being the first ones to get in the water.

 

He Tian still stands there, staring over at Eric who finally catches him doing so. He smiles awkwardly, dropping his t-shirt to make his way over to the darker haired boy.

 

“Do you have some sort of problem with me?” Eric chuckles lightly. He doesn’t want to seem like he’s trying to start something he just wants to get along with this guy. 

 

He Tian flashes that signature smirk making Eric’s heart skip a beat. “No, no.” He Tian tells him. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”

 

“Mind if I ask what about?”

 

Guanshan looks over to He Tian who is still not in the water. He sees him talking to Eric which is weird to see. Eric doesn’t seem like the kind of guy He Tian would want to be friendly with. It’s a fact he is the jealous type in any situation. 

 

“You’re pretty upbeat,” He Tian mentions now looking the other up and down. Checking his competition. It’s not really a contest. “I bet the ladies like that about you.”

 

A blush appears on Eric’s cheeks as he lets out a laugh. “Uh I wouldn’t really know.”

 

“No?” He Tian questions, arms crossed getting a bit more intrigued. He’s getting closer to the answers he needs. “You’re cute, I’m surprised.”

 

Eric makes a face, trying to study He Tian’s words and that expression. After a pause he thinks he has it figured out. “Are you hitting on me?”

 

“Perhaps I am.” He teases.

 

“I, uh...I’m sorry but you’re not really my type.” Eric shrugs. He must be honest here.

 

“Oh yeah?” He Tian asks curiously. He’s getting somewhere. “Then what is your type?”

 

Eirc looks behind him, eyes leading to Guanshan who still watches them. He waves to the two on land and Eric waves back, He Tian doesn’t move. He get’s it now yet he isn’t exactly shocked. 

 

“I’m into redheads.” Eric smiles before turning and running towards the river.

 

Eventually He Tian makes his way into the water but not without a lot of coaxing from Guanshan. Still, he isn’t having a good time. Is this his punishment for keeping Kuai Hua a secret? Having to watch Guanshan, his; well, supposed to be his Guanshan having fun with someone else? Being comfortable with someone else so quickly? Does He Tian really have to sit here and see some other guy put his hand on what he wished was his and Guanshan having no objections? There are still point in their own relationship when a hug isn’t allowed. 

It’s not easy for He Tian to know that all it took was a few days of spending time together for Eric and Guanshan to seem as close and as comfortable as they are. He feels he isn’t even that close with him now, after all this time and energy he has spent on him. It’s like watching all the time he has spent fall down the drain. Almost like he gets to see the one he wants falling for someone else.

They’re only there for about an hour until He Tian can’t take it anymore. He mutters in Zhengxi’s ear that he’s ready to leave, drying himself off quickly with one of the towels Guanshan had brought. Zhengxi follows him but he doesn’t get why he wants to leave so soon when he practically begged him to come up in the first place.

Guanshan watches them get their stuff together so he rushes out of the water. “What are you doing?” He asks.

 

He Tian grabs Mo’s arm gently, pulling him into the trees. Everyone now is out of the water, Eric trying to figure out what’s going on and what’s being said.

“I need to go, okay?” He says gently but Guanshan doesn’t understand.

 

“I thought we were having fun.” He says disappointedly. “I mean, I thought you wanted to spend time with me.”

 

“I do,” He Tian tries to assure him. “I really do but please understand I have to go. I’ll call you, okay?”

 

Guanshan assumes it’s Kuai Hua. She’s the reason he needs to leave so quickly. Fine, so be it. He’ll let him go and he won’t mention this pain in his chest. They just made up after all; he doesn’t want to ruin that.

 

“He Tian,” Chen calls to him. “Do you mind bringing me back home? I’m cold and Eric isn’t ready to leave yet.”

 

“Yeah, that’s not a problem.”

 

Chen turns to Eric giving him a quick wink. God that girl is crazy giving him the chance to be alone to make that stupid move she wants him to make. He’s screwed; he is so screwed.

 

                                                                                                                              ~

 

After everyone left, Eric and Guanshan dried off and got dressed. The whole time Guanshan sat on a rock not really looking anywhere. He seemed lost somewhere in the confines of his brain; places Eric wouldn’t even dare ask about. 

 

“You okay over there?” He asks cheerfully from his own rock. He can’t stand to see that look on Guanshan’s face. His expressions may normally be flat but this one is low giving anyone who looks at him a sunken feeling in their chest.

 

“Yeah.” Guanshan mutters quietly, rubbing his hands together. He’s not okay but he doesn’t get what is making it so difficult this time. 

 

Eric can’t take it anymore. He needs to see a smile on that face. “He come with me.” He offers. “I want to show you something.”

 

It’s reaching night time as the boys make their way up the hill to the mountain. The two walk for a while till they reach this cliff, Eric lying down a blanket for them to both sit in the grass. Guanshan sits down, staring out at the pink and purple clouds as the sun reaches it’s final moments of the day. It’s beautiful, he just wishes He Tian was here too.

 

“So why did your friend want to leave so quickly?” Eric questions as he sits next to the redhead. He thinks maybe if he talks about it, it will make him feel better. 

 

Guanshan sits up straight, looking at his hands. “I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Maybe he wanted to hang out with his girlfriend.”

 

“Does that upset you?”

 

“No,” Guanshan lies. “I just wish it didn’t seem like she mattered so much. I guess that’s unfair to feel, huh?”

 

Eric shakes his head, his eyes on the sunset. “I don’t think so.” He tells him. “You can’t help how you feel about people.”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“You’re kind of selfless Guanshan.” Eric says. “I mean, you just let him leave without a fight. That’s pretty mature of you.”

 

“I guess I’m tired of trying with him.” Guanshan sighs but then he chuckles. He isn’t sure why but it feels nice to talk to someone so openly without fear. He relaxes, leaning back, allowing his hands to hold him up. 

 

Eric can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he thinks about what Chen said. To make a move but to do so is terrifying. “You won’t have to try with everyone.”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

Eric sits up, looking over to Guanshan whose face looks beautiful in this low light. The last bit of the sun streaking his face making his eyes more beautiful than they need to be. Eric is breathless and he isn’t too sure of what to say.

 

“Do you have any idea how you make people feel?” He huffs, feeling himself getting more nervous by the second.

 

“Uncomfortable, fearful, disgusted?” Guanshan suggests. “I can give you more. Do you want more?”

 

Eric turns away to laugh. He can’t believe what he’s doing. “No that’s not it at all.”

 

“Oh yeah? Then how do I make people feel?”

 

“Like they don’t deserve to be around you.” Eric says. “Like you are so amazing you make someone’s heart stop.”

 

Guanshan sits up once more, not losing eye contact with Eric. Why the hell is he saying such things?

 

“Are you insane?” He asks making the other chuckle.

 

“Hell yeah I am.” He says then his hand reaches up to Guanshan’s cheek. He’s shaking but the redhead doesn’t move so Eric brings his other hand to the back of his head to feel his hair before leaning in. 

 

Their lips touch gently. Mo doesn’t move to stop it, he doesn’t even move to really continue it. He just sits there trying to understand how they got here and why this feels wrong. Those lips are soft, they’re tender and they say “I would do anything for you” but they’re the wrong lips. 

The kiss is quick and when Eric pulls away he sees fear in Guanshan’s eyes like he’s seen something he never wanted to. There are tears in his eyes and that’s when Eric started to feel himself break.

 

“You need to take me home.” Is all Guanshan can muster up to say and all Eric can do is not in agreement.

 

He cleans up his stuff quickly as Guanshan stands there doing his best not to completely break down. In the car on the ride back home they’re both quiet. It’s uncomfortable silence, no radio to block out their thoughts. Eric too is on the verge of tears mainly because he knows he fucked up when he could have just kept it simple between them.

Eric looks over to Guanshan who won’t stop staring out the window. He’s keeping something from him and it’s making this car ride worse.

 

“I’m so sorry, Guanshan.” Eric sighs, his voice quivering. “I didn’t want this to happen, I-”

“Please don’t.”

 

“Please let me explain-”

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

“Guanshan I know you’re mad-”

 

“I’m not mad you!” Guanshan cries but he can’t look at him. “It’s not you I’m mad at. Believe me, please. Just take me home. I need to go home.”

 

The sobbing started in the car and it didn’t end when they finally reached the apartment building. Guanshan got out of the car, neither of them speaking a word of parting. There is only one person Guanshan can think to talk to; only one person who will fully understand.

Once inside he lets it all out. He’s glad he’s alone because he throws his duffel hard against the wall, kicking his shoes off with force. His face is red as he tries to catch his breath. The tears a staining his face as he reaches for his phone, trying to see past the blurriness to find his friend.

Guanshan throws himself against the cupboards beneath the counter as he dials the number. It rings twice before he picks up.

 

“Guanshan?” He says into the phone. He can hear his friend breathing but it doesn’t sound good. “Bro are you okay?”

 

Still, Guanshan can’t bring himself to speak and it’s scaring his friend. All he can hear is the sobbing and he worries if his dad did something.

 

“Guanshan, tell me if you’re okay.” Ling pleads. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“He kissed me…” Is all he can bring himself to say.

 

“What? Who did?” 

 

“Eric.” Mo huffs, trying to get air in past his sobs. “He kissed me.”

 

For a moment, Ling doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to understand. “I’m not understanding here man, why are you crying.”

 

God, this is so frustrating. Mo doesn’t even know how to explain this. “I didn’t want...not him, I don’t know…”

 

Ling can barely pick up what he is saying. “Breathe dude,” he says slowly. “Breathe.” 

 

“I don’t know who I am...I don’t know.”

 

“Hey man, what are you talking about? You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I’ll understand. He kissed you but that’s not that big of a deal. Turn him down, say you don’t swing that way or-”

 

While voice still filled with tears Guanshan chokes out, “I don’t want to kiss  _ him _ . Not him”

 

Ling paces in his room as he talks to his friend trying to ease him through this but that statement makes him stop in his tracks. “You don’t want to kiss  _ him _ ? But you want to kiss someone? Guanshan, do you like someone?”

 

Guanshan bites his lip trying to find the courage to actually say it. He can’t stop the tears but he finally calmed his breathing a little.

 

“Ling, I think I like He Tian…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did ya think? Like the cliffhanger? Let me know with a comment!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a nice chapter with character growth with some friendship strengthening. Also...there is a tiny bit of sadness in this chapter because well...I have to you guys! It's a slow burn for a reason. By the way, just a warning, there is a tiny winy bit of NSFW contact is this chapter (and it's not who you want it to be between)

At first Ling is in shock; at a loss for words. He never expected his friend to finally admit how he felt even when everyone else could see it. He doesn’t know why this is even a bad thing. Soon enough his words come back to him, realizing what he should say to help relax his friend.

 

“Okay, Guanshan, it’s okay.” Ling tries to tell him but he can hear a sigh of disbelief on the other end of the line. “No, really, it’s okay, listen to me. It’s really not a secret you like He Tian.”

 

“Oh awesome,” Guanshan chokes out sarcastically, tightening the grip on his phone. His face is warm and starting to tingle from his sobs. He does his best to wipe it away but even with the crying subsiding a few still release from the corners of his eyes.

 

“No, you have the wrong idea.” Ling continues to do his best to explain. “Pretty much everyone knows besides He Tian so what you should do is tell him.”

 

“Are you fucking nuts?” Guanshan yells, wiping his face with his free hand. “There is nothing in my life that says I can do that.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Ling asks confused. He’s at home pacing his room trying to talk Guanshan through this. Trying to get him on the right track which hopefully shouldn’t be too hard.

 

“First of all,” Guanshan starts, “my dad? He expects me to be with some cutesy girl that goes to school with us. When I didn’t answer a question fast enough he practically begged me to be straight and I can’t even give him a straight answer because even I still don’t know. Not to mention my fucking reputation. I’d be a laughing stock because I’d just be a stupid punk who pretended to be tough to cover up he like guys or something. That’s what people are going to say...and He Tian? He doesn’t want me. He wants Kuai Hua.”

 

Ling has to take a moment to think. Kuai Hua? No that can’t be true. Ling has seen those two together and it’s just her begging for his attention while He Tian’s is somewhere else. He barely gives her the time of day unless they’re alone together but then it’s just sex. Everyone knows that. When He Tian is with Guanshan there are hearts in his eyes, a smile on his face, simply pure contentment. Ling has seen it, watching from afar as his friend slowly fell in love with He Tian. A fool could only miss what was growing between them.

 

“Guanshan,” Ling says, “remember when you told me He Tian came out to you?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“And remember when you asked me if He Tian had any other intentions and I pretty much said no?”

 

“Yes, so?”

 

“I lied to you.” Ling admits but there’s no response on the other end. “For a long time I knew He Tian had different intentions with you. I’ve known since the day he was attached at your hip and I asked you if you were in love. I saw it in your eyes and everyday after I saw it in everything he did for you, or gave you. I’ve known for a long time.”

 

“You lied to me?” Guanshan sounds angry. “Why the hell would you do that? Now he’s off with Kuai Hua doing God knows what!”

 

“You never gave him the time of day, Guanshan!” Ling interrupts, “You were scared and I saw that! You weren’t ready to accept how you felt and I’d be damned if I ended being the one to push you off the edge that you needed to jump off on your own.”  

 

Guanshan doesn’t speak. He is well aware Ling is right. He was scared and he’s even scared now. This is something he never thought he’d realize. Love? Relationships? That just seemed like something that was always out of reach for Guanshan when growing up he never really had an attraction to anybody. It took so long and then a connection happened with He Tian. A fire that struck after only a few encounters. A spark that seemed like it would never egnite and yet it did. 

 

“This isn’t my journey, Guanshan,” Ling continues, “it’s yours. And even if you don’t really know what your sexuality is yet, that’s part of your journey and it’s about time you continue it while being aware of your path. You need to tell He Tian. He wants to know. That poor guy needs to know before he gives up.”

 

Guanshan scoffs. “You say he likes me but if he did why would he give up on me?”

 

“Because he’s human, man.” Ling says lowly. “He really thinks you don’t want him. He’s convinced he will never have you. And if he is with Kuai Hua tonight, it’s because he’s going to bury himself in sex so the loneliness doesn’t kill him.”

 

This is all too difficult to hear but Guanshan needs to hear it. He needed to hear this forever ago but Ling is right; he wasn’t ready then and it wasn’t his place to say anything. Guanshan needed to learn on his own; that’s the kind of attitude he has and it won’t go away. Maybe he should tell He Tian. Maybe it’s finally time to make this all out in the open. It’s just going to take strength that Mo isn’t sure he has.

 

                                                                                                                                 ~

 

It’s warm in her embrace, one hand gripping his muscular back and the other deep in his hair, nails scratching his scalp. Her long, slim legs are wrapped perfectly around his hips, this position makes it easy to do so. He Tian has Kuai Hua on one of the stools at the counter in his kitchen as he stands, continuing to bury himself deep inside her. She’s moaning in his ear and it’s like a sad song like when you listen to depressing music when you’re already low to either make yourself lower or content. 

Eventually this should make He Tian happy. Eventually Kuai Hua’s moans, her breathing, her naked skin against his should make this sinking feeling in his chest go away. Maybe if he moves his hips rougher, faster it’ll work. Maybe if he gets Kuai Hua to scream just right he will feel better about himself.

 

“He Tain,” she whimpers, her voice so breathy. He’s never been so passionate with her, “look at me.”

 

He pushes himself away from her just a little to be able to look in her eyes. They’re glazed over, filled with lust but his are filled with regret. Why does he keep falling back into her arms? Why is this his go-to? He feels like a coward just leaving Guanshan so soon when he could have confessed right there. Still, he feels he’s never going to get the response he wants.

 

“I love you.” Kuai Hua sighs, a smile on her face. They’ve never said such things to each other. They aren’t dating, never said they were but there could be a chance it never had to be said. 

 

He Tian has called her over so many times to do this, but just this. Going out with her simply meant public sex. There was no love between them and there still isn’t now. He Tian just looks at her, stops his movements. Now that those words have registered in his head, he realizes no one has ever said those words to him. Not a soul. He reaches up and strokes her cheek, her nuzzling the touch like she’ll never get it again. He Tian’s hand slides down to cup her chin to lift it to his mouth, kissing her as he never has before. 

 

If  _ someone  _ can love him then maybe he can give just a tiny bit back.

 

                                                                                                                                   ~

 

There’s a knock on Guanshan’s door in the morning but it doesn’t wake him up for he was already awake. He didn’t get much sleep last night. He Tian didn’t even call him like he said he would but the redhead isn’t shocked in the least. He never expected his phone to ring last night and it was good for him to keep his hopes low last night.

His dad comes in to his son packing his duffel so it’s ready when he leaves. His dad chuckles at him.

 

“Eager to go or something?”

 

Guanshan gives a fake laugh accompanied by a fake smile. “No, I just had nothing else to do. I’ve been up for a while.”

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” His dad asks a bit concerned. He knows the bed he gave him isn’t the best but it’s all he could afford in such a short notice of receiving partial custody.

 

“Just one of those nights I guess.” Mo shrugs.

 

“I was wondering what you wanted to do today before I brought you home.” His dad says. He hopes to give his son some type of choice so he feels like he has a bit more freedom while he’s here.

 

“Actually, dad,” he starts awkwardly, “I don’t want to upset you but I was hoping to have my friend Ling over for a bit then he’ll just bring me home. I want to go home a bit early today if that’s okay?”

 

It’s immediate that the look of disappointment takes over Guanshan’s father’s face. He doesn’t want to be angry so he tries to understand. He shrugs then nods.

 

“Whatever you want.” He tells him. “Just promise me that next weekend we can do something fun together.” 

“Yeah of course.” 

 

His dad leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. Last night Mo had Ling on the phone into the wee hours of the night. They talked about as much as they could, even after Guanshan heard his dad shuffle back into the house around 12:30. Even though the two of them talked about so much last night there is still a lot to be said. Guanshan knows this and Ling thinks it will be good for his friend to force himself to be open. Try and say things to someone he can trust before going and saying anything to anyone else or He Tian. Kind of like practice. 

Everything is still too much to handle and take in. Admitting his feelings is a huge thing for Guanshan and he still doesn’t know how to feel about this huge step he has taken in his life. It’s frightening to say the least so he’s glad he has Ling to help him. If he didn’t he’d probably be sitting in a corner keeping everything bottled up for the rest of his life.

Guanshan must admit he feels stronger today. He did something he’s never done before - accept something about himself he’s been ignoring for so long, and who wouldn’t that make feel stronger. He may still be fearful but he feels powerful in a way he never has before and that feels good.

 

                                                                                                                           ~

 

Guanshan waits outside for Ling’s crappy car to pull up to the curb. He couldn’t sit inside anymore hoping his phone would ding with a text. He was getting more and more anxious with every passing second so he needed some air.

Today looks different than other days. That sounds weird but everything  _ feels _ different and it’s like everything has shifted drastically. Guanshan has never felt so strange yet there is something about how he feels that he likes. He’s feeling himself change and it’s for the better; he likes that, he loves that. 

Ling pulls up at the sidewalk, Guanshan standing up abruptly as soon as he sees that very recognizable car. He trembles impatiently as his friend gets out of the vehicle. Once Ling eyes him he makes sure to walk quickly over to Guanshan who meets him halfway. They embrace each other, the redhead seeking a comfort he’s been needing since last night, Ling more than willing to give it. He can feel Mo tremble as they hug and it worries him a little. 

His friend is vulnerable right now so he gets it he just wishes he could stop it. It’ll take time for confidence to finally power through but there’s a learning curve with this kind of thing, especially with Guanshan. 

 

Once they pull apart Guanshan gives a quick, uncomfortable laugh. “Want to come upstairs?” He asks. His dad said he wanted to meet, quote, “one of your  _ good _ friends” end quote. “My dad kind of wants to meet you.”

 

“Really?” Ling asks surprised looking up at the many windows and balconies of the shady building. “The famous old man, huh? Should I be honored?” 

 

“No,” Mo laughs shaking his head, leading his friend up to the apartment.

 

The two boys come through the door, Guanshan’s father sitting at the island reading the paper. He looks up from the article he was on to greet the two of them.

 

“Ah, this must be, Ling is it?” He says stretching out his hand to the teen. 

 

Ling reaches back with a friendly smile. “Yeah that’s me. It’s nice to meet you sir.”

 

Mo’s dad liked the greeting and shows it with an approving nod. He already likes Ling more than he liked He Tian even when their greetings weren’t too different. It’s almost like he’s forcing himself to hate He Tian because he can. Oh well, that doesn’t really matter right now. 

The introduction is short because Guanshan really just wants to get going and spend time with someone who gets what is going on right now. They make their way to Mo’s room so he can grab his bag and they can get going. Guanshan leaves the door open mostly because he doesn’t want Ling to start talking about anything until they’re in the car. God forbid if his father hears anything about this.

Guanshan has a quick goodbye which leaves a disappointed expression on his father’s face except Ling makes sure to say “nice meeting you” before they’re out the door. Honestly, the redhead couldn’t move faster out of the building and into the car. It’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with his dad, it’s that he needs to be around someone he can actually talk to after something so big happened to him last night. 

 

“You really wanted to get out of there.” Ling laughs once they start driving down the road.

 

“I just need a friend.” Guanshan replies honestly. “I don’t have someone to talk to up here, especially after I pushed Eric out.”

 

“You’re doing good though, Guanshan. “ Ling tells him. “A lot better than I thought you would be. I mean, you admitted how you felt and you’re talking about it. That’s a big thing.”

 

“I know.” He nods. “I’m glad you’re being understanding.”

 

“I told you I always would be.” He reminds his friend. “You can tell me anything.”

 

“I know.” He says. “Thank you.”

 

“No problem.” Ling says then shifts the conversation just a little. “Oh hey, open the glove box. After we got off the phone I couldn’t sleep so I did a bit of research to help you out.”

 

Guanshan opens the glove compartment in front of him, pulling out the folded up papers on the top of the pile. He unfolds them, reading the title of an internet article that seems like it hadn’t been printed too long ago. The top of the first paper reads  _ The Different Sexualities and their Meaning _ . 

 

“You said you weren’t sure if you were gay or bi or whatever,” Ling continues on, “and it’s not just gay or straight, not even just bi so I thought maybe that could help.”

 

Guanshan starts to read the list outloud. If he’s going to figure this out he wants Ling’s help no matter what. “Homosexual; sexual attraction to the same gender.”

 

“So that’s clearly a possibility but not necessarily the answer.”

 

“Bisexual;” Mo continues down the list, “ sexual attraction to both genders, male and female. Pansexual; sexual attraction to anyone on the gender spectrum, i.e. transexuals, transgender, non-binary etcedera.”

 

“Huh,” Ling nods. This article is actually quite interesting to him. He’s never been against this sort of thing just isn’t fully educated on it. His family is a bit old fashioned so he isn’t too exposed to the LGBT community.

 

“Asexual;” Guanshan reads, “no sexual attraction to either gender.” The redhead lets out a snort.

 

“I’m definitely not that one.” He says. He can at least say he knows that. He feels sexual attraction just clearly has never acted upon it.

 

“Well hey you can cross one off.” Ling tells him.

 

“I think I can cross the pansexual one off too.” Guanshan says. “That doesn’t sound like me too much. I don’t really feel sexually attracted anyone half the time.”

 

“What else is on there?” Ling asks trying to look over at the sheet while he drives. “I was exhausted while reading the article so I don’t remember a damn thing on there.”  

 

“Demisexual;” Guanshan replies, “Someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction until they have a strong emotional connection first…” Mo trails off as he reads that one. That makes sense actually.

 

Guanshan looks over to Ling who is passing glaces all while trying to keep his eyes on the road. He has a knowing look on his face; they both do. That sound right, so does that mean he has to start using that term to define himself.

 

“That’s the closest one.” He finally says but he’s still not sure and it’s clear in his tone.”

 

“Well, hey look.” Ling tries to comfort him. “I read a shit ton of articles on sexuality and a lot of them said sometimes you never really figure out your true sexual identity and that’s okay. Pretty much all of them say you don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to. The label is only to make you more comfortable if it does so.”

 

Guanshan’s eyes remain  on the article but Ling’s words do make him feel better. If he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to label himself right now. He can take his time discovering who he is and that makes this all seem so much easy. He doesn’t have to understand this all in a day and he likes that.

 

                                                                                                                             ~

 

Mo’s mom is shocked to see him home so early but she couldn’t be more happy to see him before she heads off to work. He’s happy to see her too and even though she is leaving he won’t be alone. Ling promised to spend as much time with him as he needed so help him figure out as much as he wanted to. They’re friends so they’re going to go through this confusing time together.

As the two sit in Guanshan’s room, Mo resides at the computer reading more about demisexuality and people’s stories on how they discovered their sexuality. Ling sits on the bed trying to coax out any answers he can from Guanshan in hopes to create bravery. If they hit a wall where he feels to uncomfortable to answer Ling will back off a little and swerve into a different line of questions.

 

“Have you thought about when you’re going to tell He Tian?” He asks calmly. Shockingly Mo nods and turns to him.

 

“I actually was thinking of telling him tomorrow after school.” He replies seeming pretty sure of himself. 

 

“Really?” Ling questions, very surprised. “I didn’t expect you to do it so soon.”

 

“Me neither,” Guanshan admits, “but since I couldn’t really sleep last night all I could do is think. All I could think of was all the opportunities I missed. I missed so many and I can’t keep doing that. I need to tell him sooner more than later so I’m telling him tomorrow.”

 

“Wow,” his friend says. “I’m impressed. That’s quite a change from how you were last night.”

 

Mo Guanshan nods slowly. He’s shocked with himself. He can’t believe he made the decision either but he can’t keep lying to himself. He can’t keep pretending that the only thing between him and He Tian is friendship. It’s time for his to stop being afraid to feel something for someone else. Guanshan finally knows what he is wanting so he’s ready to make the move to take that, even if it’s the scariest thing he’s ever done. 

He can’t believe how long it took to finally click. He can’t believe he wrote off the flirty for nothing more than a joke, unknowingly falling for it with every word He Tian spoke. He can’t believe he threw away that coming out as a friend just seeking acceptance. He was seeking a similar response. He can’t believe he actually thought Kuai Hua meant something to He Tian. Guanshan is done thinking stupid thoughts. He’s knows he’s ready to get what he deserves and what he deserves is happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought. I will be updating the next chapter as soon as I can!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the late update. For those who follow me on tumblr you know I've been kind of in a rough patch but I'm on the path to doing better. I hope you guys like this. I know some of you have guessed what's going to happen. Let's see if your guesses we right.

He can feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stands at the front gate of the school. He Tian is in there waiting to hear a lovely confession from his redhead. Guanshan can barely breathe, he’s so nervous. School can be a nightmare but my God it’s never felt like this. He feels like he’s new, a completely new person that people won’t understand. 

Finally gathering up the courage, Guanshan moves forward in hopes to find He Tian. He’s not going to tell him here but he wants to see him. He wants to know the feeling of how different it will be to look at him. Now that Guanshan knows he likes him, will his heart pound when he sees him? Will he swoon? Will his mind think of all the ways the could be together and not be able to concentrate? He wonders if it will be just like the movies or if it will feel exactly the same.

Guanshan walks slowly. It’s hard for him to push himself like this and he’s wondering where the hell his life support is.

There he is. Ling is running towards him a bit too excitedly. He reaches his friend who is silently trying to get him to calm down.

 

“Are you trying to draw attention to me?” Guanshan whispers. It almost feels like everyone knows exactly what’s going on so he doesn’t need to feel anymore like a an attraction than he does now.

 

“No, dude, sorry.” He apologizes in a whisper then looks around them. “Have you seen him yet?”

 

“He Tian?” Guanshan mouths, “No, I just got the courage to walk through the gate. I’m not sure if my brain is going to force me to find him or avoid him. I’m so shaky I can’t think straight.” He raises his hand to show his friend how much he really is trembling. 

 

“Alright, alright,” Ling tries to sooth him, forcing him to move forward. “Just act like it’s any normal old day and that nothing is different.”

 

Guanshan opens his mouth to protest but he’s interrupted.

 

“I know that sounds hard to do because of this secret you know you’re holding,” Ling continues, “but trying to do this will make the day easier and easier to face him.”

 

It takes a moment but soon Guanshan comes around and takes a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, yeah you’re right.” He says, mostly talking to himself. “I can do this.”

 

                                                                                                                              ~

 

Guanshan never did end up finding He Tian this morning and he even felt like he was looking pretty hard for that guy. He’s a pretty difficult dude to miss. Was he avoiding him? 

He tires to shake the thought from his head. They haven’t spoken since Saturday with a weird kind of silence between them. Guanshan hopes he isn’t too late. That He Tian didn’t already give up on him. He hopes he still has that chance. Mo begins to tap his pen on the top of his notebook, looking out the window beside him. 

It’s clear now how much he hasn’t picked up on; how stupid he was for not thinking the flirting was actually more. Ling was too right but saying he was scared. He was so scared to love, even now there is still fear inside him. There is still a chance he can get rejected, still a chance that if he gets to be with He Tian that he’ll realize he made a mistake and leave him. There are so many risks here that Guanshan are taking for the first time and he hopes after this first jump, he’ll have a hand to hold to help him through the rest.

 

                                                                                                                                 ~

 

The bell rings for lunch. Lunch. He Tian will be there without a doubt; at least Guanshan hopes so. This is all so confusing. Nothing makes sense today yet so much is clear. 

People have been looking at the redhead funny. He’s been so out of it, thinking over and over in his head how he should react when he finally sees him again. He keeps thinking about what he is going to say to He Tian tonight when he gets to his house. Should he just kiss him? Will He Tian kiss him after he confesses? Is Guanshan even ready for that kind of thing? Kissing? He does hate saliva, but if he wants it will it really be all that bad? Will he even notice?

 

This is all too much.

 

Guanshan tires to take some more deep breaths to calm him down. Damn, where is Ling when you need him? The closer Guanshan gets to the outside corridor to their spot the more his heart pounds. He can feel it in his ears. 

He reaches the outside and he almost chokes when his eyes catch that dark hair sitting at their table. He’s talking to Ling, probably questioning why he’s sitting there but Guanshan couldn’t be more relieved that he won’t leave him during this. It helps him actually. Ling being there helps Guanshan move his feet forward. 

Ling is sitting next to Zhengxi who is just eating his lunch not saying too much to him, leaving a spot open right next to He Tian. 

 

_ Act normal. Act normal. _ That’s all Guanshan can think inside his head. He softens his shoulders so he doesn’t look tense, keeping his normal straight face as he plops next to He Tian, opening his bag to get grab his lunch. There is this strange feeling between them but it’s not because he knows. It’s because they kind of had a fight and the feeling is lingering. 

 

He Tian doesn’t say anything to him. No hello, no joke, no apology. He acts like he isn’t there and this awkward silence falls over the table. Fine. He Tian doesn’t have to talk. Guanshan reaches into his bag getting the second lunch he prepared, placing it in front of He Tian. Even if things are stiff between them he’s going to give something of a peace offering. Still he says nothing, doesn’t even move to open the container of his favorite: beef stew.

 

“Hey, uh,” He Tian mutters, finally speaking. “I want to say I’m sorry for not calling you the other day. I kind of got caught up with something.” 

 

“I wasn’t really expecting you to call me.” Guanshan mumbles. He kind of knew things wouldn’t be weird between them when they saw each other again but he didn’t know it would be like this. Almost like they don’t even know each other anymore. 

 

It seems like He Tian wants to say something but it’s clear those words aren’t coming out of his mouth. Barely anything is coming out of his mouth right now. Guanshan wishes he would say something though.

 

Mo wonders if He Tian knows what’s going through his mind. Does he know how much he missed him? How much he wishes he would just be himself and be annoying? To open the damn container of food and eat? Since when does he not touch his cooking?

 

“Still I’m sorry.” He finally shrugs.

 

“Forget it.” Guanshan laughs uncomfortably. “It’s not really worth an apology. Can we kind of just forget about this weekend?”

 

“Fair.” He Tian nods. This is so difficult. Why is this so difficult?

 

“Hey, so I wanted to ask you something.” Guanshan blurts out. The quicker he sets this up the easier this will be to do in the long run. It will be something else to check off on the checklist. He has He Tian’s attention but he chokes. Those eyes staring at him with this look he can’t read makes it so hard to find the words.

 

“I was wondering if maybe later I could-”

 

Guanshan is interrupted by a body pushing in between him and He Tian whose body is no other than Kuai Hua’s. The instant she separates them her lips are latched onto his. They don’t do that in public. They shouldn’t be doing that at all. Watching this makes the redhead’s feel something he’s never felt before in the pit of his stomach. What seems like an eternity she releases him from her kiss. 

Kuai Hua looks down at the container in front of He Tian, lifting it like it’s the grossest thing in the world.

 

“What is this?” She asks, examining the food.

 

“Beef stew.” Guanshan mumbles, his voice low and holding back his discomfort that she is even .

 

“Ew.” She grimaces pushing it away placing a take out box in front of He Tian. “I think you’d prefer this.” Now this pisses off Guanshan. 

 

“He Tian hates take out. It makes him sick cause he ate it so much.” Guanshan points out as rudely as he can. Does she know nothing about him?

 

That’s when Kuai Hua gives him this know-it-all look, full of pride and ready to break him.

 

“I think he’d prefer something from his girlfriend, more than something from you.” She spits with an evil smile. 

 

Wait.

 

Girlfriend?

 

“You’re not his…” He doesn’t finish his sentence. He looks up at He Tian and his face says it all. That guilt is written all over his face, he can’t even look at Guanshan. He won’t even say anything.

 

“Go ahead and tell them He Tian.” Kuai Hua urges. She wants to hear the words come out of his mouth to stab Guanshan. She wants to watch him hurt.

 

The whole table isn’t speaking. They can’t believe it. He really gave up on Guanshan so fast. Is he really that insecure?

 

“Kuai Hua is my girlfriend.” He smiles so fake at Mo. The redhead never knew his heart could break so quickly and fall into his stomach. “I made it official Saturday night.”

 

“Saturday night?” Guanshan confirms, He Tian nodding slowly and shamefully like a coward, his smile fading. So Saturday, the day Guanshan realized he could be happy. The day he realized he could have everything if he just confessed. He took too long, huh?

 

He gets up slowly from the table, walking quickly to somewhere where it’s safe.Where no one else will be to see him cry. To watch his heart break in two when it’s his own damn fault. This is why he never said anything though. This is why he kept it all to himself and never gave his heart to anybody. Nobody deserves it, it seems.

Mo makes it to the bathroom, hiding himself in a corner near a sink. He was so stupid to think this would work. To think he could actually have a significant other. How could he have been so naive?  

 

_ “Alright, I’ll talk to you later.” Jian Yi smiles into the phone all cute and gross. “Hey, Xixi? I love you…Okay bye.” He hangs up all giddy but Guanshan rolls his eyes. _

 

_ “I know you’re happy but your love is disgusting.” He tells him from his bed, scrolling through a social media app on his phone. _

 

_ “Oh come on,” Jian Yi teases getting onto the bed as well. Guanshan let the no boys on his bed rule slide with this guy because there is no stopping him from doing what he wants. “What’s so gross about loving someone?” _

 

_ “Everything.” _

 

_ Jian Yi watches him with an expression that knows he’s lying. “Come on, what is it? Is it cause we’re two guys?” _

 

_ “What?” Guanshan questions. “I don’t give a shit that you’re two guys dating. Do what you want. It’s just-” _

 

_ “That you don’t have someone?” _

 

_ “No!” He yells. “I don’t want someone. That’s idiotic.” _

 

_ “Is it?” Jian Yi asks. “I’m not trying to be rude. I just don’t get your hatred towards romance.” _

 

_ “Nothing.” Guanshan shrugs. “No one would even show me any so why would I care about it?” _

_ “Oh that’s it?” _

 

_ “What’s it?” _

 

_ “You don’t think you deserve love.” Jian Yi confirms. That must be it. _

 

_ “That’s ridiculous.” Mo argues. Jian Yi just smiles. _

 

_ “Say what you want,” he shrugs, “but you’re like the weirdest open book I’ve ever read and the most interesting. You think you don’t deserve love.” _

 

_ “Shut up.” _

 

_ “But you do, ginger boy!” Jian Yi yells, “And you’ll get it.” _

 

_ Guanshan snorts. “Oh yeah? When?” _

 

_ His phone chimes with a text message, Jian looking over his shoulder to see it’s He Tian. He can’t help a grin to that. _

 

_ “Sooner than you think.” _

 

“Guanshan, you in here?” Ling calls into the bathroom sounding worried. Mo doesn’t reply but his friend can see his legs from his hiding in the corner. “Hey man, you okay?”

 

“Get out.” He practically growls. He doesn’t want to see or talk to anyone right now. 

 

“Come on dude, talk to me.” Ling says quietly getting closer to him making Guanshan stand from his hiding spot.

“I don’t want to talk to you!” He yells. “This is your fault!”

 

“My fault?” Ling asks confused. 

 

“You’re the one that told me I needed to tell him and of course the day I decided to tell him he is in a relationship with Kuai Hua!” 

 

Mo doesn’t know how to feel and he doesn’t want to hurt so he’s going to get angry. He’s not the kind of boy who can accurately sort out his feelings. No one ever taught him how to deal with these kinds of things. He also doesn’t know who to blame so he’ll blame everyone. 

 

“I didn’t put them together.” Ling argues, “and if anything this is more reason to tell him.”

 

“Are you crazy?” Guanshan questions. That doesn’t make any sense. Has his friend gone off the deep end?

 

“Can you just calm down and listen to me?” Ling snapping, becoming annoyed. “Did you not see his face? Did you not look at He Tian’s face when he said Kuai Hua was his girlfriend?”

 

“Yeah I did,” Mo still sounds mad, “he looked guilty. He didn’t want to tell me.”

 

“And why is that?” Ling asks rhetorically. “Because he can’t face that fact that he settled. He doesn’t want to be with her. She’s still a place holder.” 

 

The redhead takes a second to think about it but his mind pushes the thought away. “Can you leave me alone?” He pushes Ling aside and is about to leave. “Stop being obsessed with my life and who I want to be with.”

 

“Obsessed with your life?” Ling says confused. “I’m the only one trying to help you out here.”

 

Guanshan wraps himself in his own arms. He instantly felt bad for what he said. Ling is right, he’s only trying to be helpful. “I’m sorry.” He admits. “I’m, I don’t have the confidence I thought I would have.”

 

“You weren’t expecting this.” Ling tells him. “You had no idea He Tian would pull this and frankly neither did I. I had no idea he was so weak.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.” Guanshan sighs turning to his friend.

 

“What do you think is the best thing for you to do?” 

 

For a moment he thinks it over, trying to decide what will be best for him. Ling simply watches him waiting patiently for an answer. Guanshan stands there in the middle of the bathroom trying to figure this out. 

Ling made a good point in saying He Tian is wearing it on his sleeve that he’s disappointed in himself. He doesn’t want Kuai Hua, Guanshan just wishes He Tian didn’t latch onto her so quickly. Did that day with Eric really have to be the last straw?

As Guanshan tries to make up his mind, the door to the bathroom opens, Zhengxi standing in the doorway looking at the two other boys. He holds an expectant expression.

 

“What’s going on?” He asks looking between the Guanshan and Ling. He is sure he has it figured out but he doesn’t want to simply assume.

 

“Nothing,” Mo mutters but it’s clear Zhengxi isn’t buying it. 

 

The brunette lets the door shut behind him as he makes his way fully inside. “It didn’t seem like nothing back there.”

 

“Zhengxi, really it’s none of your business.”

 

“You look like Jian Yi did the night he admitted he loved me.” He raises his voice just a little. He doesn’t want a lie he wants the truth so he can help. “You like He Tian, don’t you?”

 

Guanshan and Ling just stand there not knowing how to respond to this. Zhengxi is a friend but not insanely close or anything. He doesn’t even seem like a guy with much feeling. Whenever Jian Yi was on the phone around him he couldn’t picture it actually being Zhengxi on the other end. 

 

“I know I’m not your best or closest friend, but I know what it’s like to be on He Tian’s side.” Zhengxi says. “A little bit. I wouldn’t date someone when I though Jian Yi like liked me.”

 

“I don’t think he knows.” Guanshan breathes out, shocked he found the ability to tell someone else his secret.

 

“He Tian? How could he not know? You guys are so obvious with each other.”

 

“We are?”

 

“Actually,” Ling steps in, “I have to agree with Zhengxi here. I don’t get how the two of you are so oblivious. It’s clear as day how you guys feel about each other, some people have even thought you secretly were a thing.”

 

This all so insane. It’s all so messed up and not how things were supposed to go. Today has been horrible with the anxiety, the fear and then the utter disappointment. At least he has people to encourage him; people to make him feel like he can do this. 

 

“What do you think I should do?” Guanshan directs towards Zhengxi.

 

“Honestly?” He says. “I think you should come between them and tell He Tian. Show him what he lost out on and get him to realize you were always an option.”

 

“Are you saying I should flirt with him?” Mo questions rather disgusted. He’s never flirted in his life. It’s not his style.

 

“Ooh I like that idea!” Ling chimes in, getting closer to his friend. “Maybe add in a bit of sex appeal. He Tian can’t resist that.”

 

“Guys!” Guanshan shouts. “Do you have any idea who you’re talking to? You seriously think I can...be sexual?”

 

“I’m not asking you to hump his leg,” Ling explains, “I mean, be charming, show some skin when you’re over, get close to him, make him uncomfortable but needy.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t like He Tian?” Guanshan asks him in a deadpan. His friend is getting a bit too into this idea. 

 

Ling looks at him like he’s stupid. “No, you idiot.” He says. “I’m trying to help you. Zhengxi is right, show him what he’s missing!”

 

It makes sense. It makes too much sense and that is the way to get He Tian’s attention. He Tian reacts to clever words, body language but Guanshan hasn’t the first clue on how to get himself to do those things.

 

“How am I supposed to even start?” 

 

“We’ll teach you.” Ling smiles, putting an arm around his friend. “It’ll be easy.” 

 

Slowly a small smile makes its way onto the redhead’s face. “Alright, alright fine. I’ll flirt with him.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okey-dokey so this is a shorter chapter but after chapter 17, we are going to be cooking. We are getting to that plot development we have been waiting for and that I have been dying to write. So just a couple more short, filler chapters and I promise some nice drama that we have been craving. But I hope you like this chapter and I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get out there! I didn't mean for it to take so long but my job has been going crazy and I have my brain on an original piece I'm working on. But don't worry, I still care deeply for this fic, 100%

It’s been three days since Guanshan has said anything to He Tian. Neither of them have made an effort to talk to each other after he found out he was dating Kuai Hua. He doesn’t think that He Tian doesn’t want to speak to him; he’s pretty sure  _ she  _ doesn’t want him talking to him. It’s okay though, Ling has told him not to hold it to heart and let He Tian come back when he’s ready. That’s how it’s always worked with them and that’s how it’s going to remain.

At the moment, Guanshan is waiting for a skype call on his laptop. He’s sitting on his bed, one arm wrapped around his legs waiting for his first lesson in how to flirt, session taught by Ling. he’s not excited. This is going to be awkward and uncomfortable; he can feel it.

The call comes in making that familiar ringtone as Guanshan heaves a sigh before clicking the answer button.

 

“Hey man.” Ling smiles, waving at him. Mo rolls his eyes.

 

“Can we get this over with please?” He groans. This is the last thing he’d like to be doing.

 

“Yeah don’t worry.” His friend says. “Xiu is going to be calling me in a minute.”

 

Xiu is Ling’s girlfriend that he never sees. They mostly talk on the phone and text always making Guanshan curious to how their relationship even works. He doesn’t even think he’s met her. 

The plan tonight is to put Xiu on speaker while Mo listens to their conversation, more specifically how Ling is flirting with her. Poor girl won’t even know he’s listening and it doesn’t seems fair to her.

 

“Now remember,” Ling tells him, “you don’t have to do it exactly like I do but if you want go ahead.”

 

“This is really awkward.” Guanshan complains. “I’m not flirty and I don’t compliment people like ever. I can’t remember one compliment I’ve given. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

 

“Relax.” Ling reminds him. “I’m going to be saying anything inappropriate and if you don’t think my flirting style fits you we can adjust it.”

 

“I hate you sometimes.”

 

Ling’s phone starts to ring and he gestures to his friend to be ready. Possibly jot down a few notes. Guanshan is not prepared in any sense. How can anyone be prepared for this.

Ling answers the phone, putting Xiu on speaker so Mo can hear their full conversation. He wants him to see the reaction flirting tends to get.

 

“Hey baby.” Ling smiles into the phone, voice seductive making his friend feel sick. He never sees him like this; talking to his girlfriend being a damn romantic. It’s ridiculous but it does get a reaction. Xiu gives a light laugh.

 

“What put you in a good mood?” She questions happily. 

 

“I just missed you, that’s all.”

 

“Well I missed you too.” Guanshan can feel her beaming from here. 

 

Really? This is flirting? He Tian and him did this all the time. Not in the exact tone but told each other they missed one another. It makes him wonder if he’s been flirting without even realizing it.

 

“When can I see you?” Ling asks causing Mo to wonder if he really feels this way about her or if he is simply putting on a show for him.

 

“When do you want to see me?” Xiu answers with a question making Ling chuckle.

 

“Yesterday.” He jokes, “It’s been too long since I’ve seen you.”

 

“Why are you being cute?” She laughs out loud. Maybe Ling isn’t normally a romantic after all but it seems to come naturally. 

 

“I just want to see you that’s all.”

 

God, Guanshan could gag at that. Does Mo’s flirting have to be so mushy? Is there anyway to not be gross when doing it? The more Ling and his girlfriend talk, the more Mo doesn’t think he can do this with He Tian. This isn’t him and he doesn’t think he can push himself that way. He still can’t believe he pushed himself to admitting his feelings. 

As Guanshan sits there listening to Ling drone on and on about how beautiful his girlfriend his and her uncontrollable giggles he peers down to his phone. He presses the middle button hoping to see a text message there but all he sees is his wallpaper. He sighs lightly looking back to his computer screen. Ling seems to just be lost in their conversation now. Oh well. Guanshan is lost in his own drama. He didn’t feel like he was learning much anyway.

Mo opens his phone, going to his text messages, reading the old ones between him and He Tian. It’s weird not talking for so long when they’re usually not apart for more than two days. Guanshan doesn’t even talk to many people anyway; his phone is dry. 

 

“Alright, baby I have to go.” He hears Ling say to Xiu, ending their conversation. Guanshan puts his phone away, bringing his attention back to his friend.

 

“Okay, so did you learn anything?” Ling asks.

 

“No.” Guanshan admits. “I kind of stopped listening halfway through. Around the point where you started getting gooey.”

 

“Dude,” he exclaims, “how the hell are you going to learn if you don’t pay attention?”

 

“Ling,” Mo says seriously, “this isn’t me. I don’t flirt. I barely even speak kindly to people.”

 

“Okay then,” Ling challenges him, “then how do you expect to get He Tian.”

 

The redhead goes quiet for a second. He knows there is more than one solution. The world isn’t black and white. “I can just be me.”

 

“True.” He accepts but not fully. “But that also got you here.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“All I’m saying is you pushed him away by ‘being you’.” Ling tells Guanshan. “I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore by making the wrong decisions. I mean, what do you mean by being you? Hit him and yell at him constantly for his stupid life choices?”

 

“I mean-”

 

“He’s like a puppy. He needs positive reinforcement. You don’t have to be gushy but you need to open up to him. Put your own spin on it.”

 

Guanshan feels defeated with no words left to say. There is a chance he’s been handling situations with He Tian all wrong. He just doesn’t take a lot of time to think things through he just acts. That’s who he has always been and it would be hard to change now. 

Mo looks back down at his phone wishing for at least a social media notification. Then, almost like he willed it, his phone starts to ring with the name He Tian gracing the top of the screen. 

 

“Who is it?” Ling asks taking note of the expression on his friend’s face.

 

“It’s He Tian.” he replies rather shocked. He didn’t think he would see that name on his phone ever again. 

 

“Oh dude, answer it!” He urges. “Put it on speaker! Pretend I’m not here.”

 

Even if he doesn’t want to, Guanshan does as Ling says. He knows he won’t say anything outloud and that he will stay quiet. Still, he’d rather this conversation was in private. This is his and He Tian’s first conversation in close to a week. 

Rather nervous, Guanshan presses the answer button on his phone. He almost doesn’t know what kind of voice to hear. He almost expects it to be Kuai Hua calling to personally tell him to back off as if she knows something.

 

“Hello?” He says slowly after hitting the speaker, holding the phone close to his mouth but not touching his ear.

 

“Hey.” He Tian’s voice comes over the phone sounding dull; low. The kind of voice you don’t want to hear from him because is spells trouble. 

 

Guanshan waits for him to say more but nothing comes so he fills the silence. “What’s up with you?”

 

Nothing. He says nothing for moment and it’s agonizing. 

 

“I miss you so much.” He coughs out. Is he crying? He Tian doesn’t cry. 

 

Mo looks to Ling on the screen who seems to have caught that as well. He seems just as confused as his friend. 

 

Right now he could say something snarky. He could blame him for this whole thing but Ling was right. He can’t keep doing that to him. He can’t keep pushing him away.

 

“I miss you too.” He finally decides to say. It’s quiet though as if he’s embarrassed by the fact. He Tian hurt him. He shouldn’t give in this easily but he missed him. He really did. 

 

“I’m sorry I did this to you.” He Tian chokes on his words and that’s when Guanshan wonders if he should keep him on speaker phone.

 

“Did what to me?” He questions.

 

“I’m sorry I’m with her.” there is a heavy sigh from the phone. He sounds like he is trying to get himself under control. “I never meant to lie to you. It...it wasn’t meant like-”

 

“Hey, hey,” Mo stops him. He’s never seen this side of He Tian. It’s always a tough guy type of image he has. It’s also so smug so these walls tumbling down are scary and a lot to handle over the phone for the first time. 

 

He Tian is not really a colorful person. He’s changed over the years, opening up and showing a few more than the fact that he’s strong and has a large ego. Today, it’s like his shell has fully cracked. 

 

“I don’t have the right to tell you who to be with.” Guanshan tells him. It’s true, he doesn’t. “I just wish...I just wish it was someone else.”

 

_ I wish it was me. _

 

“She won’t even let me talk to you.” 

 

He Tian letting a girl control him? The fact that he has gotten that lonely is terrifying. Mo never thought he would see the day where someone like that is taking orders from someone who has no right doing so.

 

“What, did you escape her for five minutes?” Guanshan chuckles trying to joke a little to brighten his friend’s spirits just a little.

 

“She left not too long ago.” He admits then a moment of quiet. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

 

A slight blush rushes over the redhead’s face and he can see Ling smirking on the computer spring. He flips him off, adjusting himself on his bed, hoping to get more comfortable.

 

“Really?” He asks quite bashfully. 

 

“I want to see you.” He Tian says.

 

Ling springs forward to his computer typing something for Guanshan to read. He leans forward waiting for the message, staying quiet too long for a response to He Tian. 

 

_ Do it! But play hard to get just a little. Hang out with him AFTER you get back from your dad’s this weekend.  _

 

“U-uh, sure.” He utters as quickly as he can get out. “But I have to go to my dad’s this weekend so...Monday? After school?”

 

“Oh yeah, your dad’s.” He Tian mutters. “I forgot about that. Yeah, Monday is perfect as long as I get to see you.” 

 

Guanshan can’t help the smile on his face. To know He Tian still so clearly wants him is more than satisfying. It’s almost healing. Mo plays with his sheets, trying to occupy himself so he doesn’t get too embarrassed and flake on this conversation. He needs to see it through now that he has different intentions with He Tian. 

 

“I’ll see you then.” Mo grins, his voice rather happy in tone.

 

“I really can’t wait.” He Tian sighs in relief. “Just one thing.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Can I call you again this weekend?”

 

With his lips still upturned, Guanshan says, “I’d love that.”

 

The two say their goodbyes, content with their agreement to meet on Monday and spend time together. There’s this feeling in Mo’s chest he can only title as anxiety except it’s the good kind. He can’t wait for this weekend to be over. He can’t wait to see He Tian.

 

“You seem giddy,” Ling jokes but he’s not wrong.

 

“I’m going to tell him.” Guanshan says in this voice that’s so proud of himself. He just got another chance to have him. In all reality, he never lost that chance.

 

“Shanny-boy, I think you just got yourself your first date.” 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The next chapter! Got some good stuff going on in this one. Sorry for the late update again but my favorite TV show has taken over my life once again. Hope you enjoy the chapter.

Everything seems to be falling into place in the best of ways. The ride up to his dad’s was pleasant. There were no arguments, or questioning thoughts making it feel that their relationship is starting to get patched up. Not to mention he has the thought of what Monday bring him. This new found courage is a nice color on him and he isn’t going to let it go. Guanshan has never been more proud of himself or his life even if nothing much has happened yet. It’s big to him though.   
His father asked him to go out to the store a couple blocks away and pick up a couple things and he was happy to do so. It’ll get him out, doing something to occupy his time. At the moment nothing is clouding his head uncomfortably. He’s excited, wondering how he’ll tell He Tian such a thing. He knows how he is so Mo knows he won’t be able to just come out and say it. It’s going to take a bit of building up through their day together. Still, he’s content knowing he has the ability to tell He Tian now. He’s not even worried about Kuai Hua being in the picture; she won’t be for long.  
Guanshan makes it to the store, searching for the things on the list his dad gave him. As he scans the produce for tonight’s dinner his eyes catch onto somebody.

“Chen, hi.” He says to her, trying to get her attention. She stops, looking a bit uncomfortable when she sees who called her name.

“Uh, hey Guanshan.” She mutters, shifting her eyes away from him.

Either he doesn’t notice or he decides not to and continues to try and have a conversation with her. It seems like forever since he’s seen her even though it’s only been a week. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to pick up a few art supplies.” She shrugs. It seems she wants this conversation to end.

“Is something wrong?” Mo finally asks not understanding the discomfort she is showing towards him. 

Chen shifts on her feet, rubbing the back of her neck. “Look Guanshan I shouldn’t be saying anything but I’m worried about him.” She starts. “I realize you may have your own things going on but you really messed Eric up.”

Eric. Oh, God. Guanshan had completely forgot about him. He didn’t even text him to let him know it had nothing to with him, to not worry and hopefully they would be able to stay friends. Guanshan doesn’t really have anything to say. He’s in shock. Did him not saying anything really freak Eric out that much?

“I mean, it’s not even your fault.” Chen admits. “It’s mine. I was the one who told him to make a move on you. I didn’t think it would go so wrong.”

“I didn’t realize-”

“I didn’t expect you to.” She tells him, “but you should say something to him. He thinks he ruined the friendship between you guys. That’s not what he wanted. He would have been happy staying your friend.”

“I hold nothing against him for what happened.” Mo says but he’s saying it to the wrong person.

“Eric’s the one who needs to hear that. Not me.” Chen sighs. “I’m sorry but until you guys talk I think it would be a bit weird to hang around you.”

Now Guanshan feels a bit defeated. “Oh…”

“I don’t hate you, Guanshan.” She wants to confirm. “I love hanging out with you, but you met Eric first and as his friend it’s not right for me to talk to you before you work this mess out.”

Mo says nothing so Chen takes that as her chance to leave. He isn’t upset with her; he understands how this could make her uncomfortable. She probably blames herself for most of it. She is right though. He has to work this out with Eric. They are his only friends up here and he doesn’t want to let that go. Things were just getting better so he isn’t messing that up.   
Guanshan grabs all the things on his list before making his way to Eric’s place. He realizes it may be weird to just show up to his house but he doesn’t want to keep him waiting and wondering what he did wrong when he did nothing wrong. In all reality he helped him figure out a big part of himself. If it wasn’t for Eric, none of this courage would exist inside of him right now.  
He makes it outside of the door of Eric’s house, a tad bit nervous to knock but he knows he has to. He gives the door three taps and waits. The door is unlocked and there standing behind the partially open door is Eric looking at Guanshan like he’s been destroyed.

“What are you doing here?” He asks quietly. He doesn’t sound mad he sound defeated.

“I came here to explain myself.” Guanshan tries to explain but Eric seems like he doesn't want to hear it.

“You don’t have to.” He tells him. “I get it, I do.”

“No,” Mo shakes his head, “you don't. I Didn’t mean to make you feel like this is your fault. I’m not mad at you for kissing me. I’m happy you did.”

“What?”

Uh-oh, that came out wrong.

“I mean you helped me.” Guanshan fixes himself. “Can I come in?”

It takes a moment for Eric to agree but he moves aside, opening up the door more to allow Guanshan to come in. This situation is clearly uncomfortable for both of them but it’s a situation that needs to happen. Normally Mo wouldn’t be the type of person to fix problems that occur but he isn’t his normal self anymore now is he?   
The redhead sits on the arm of the couch while Eric still stands with his arms crossed. Still he doesn’t give off any angry energy. Such a person is scary to see. It almost reminds him of Jian Yi in a way. The only emotions that boy would show was happiness, sadness or disappointment. Guanshan doubts he ever saw that boy get angry.

“Look,” Mo starts, “I don’t want this friendship to end because of a mistake that happened. Besides, it’s a mistake that helped me.”

“What do you mean it helped you?” Eric asks confused. “When I dropped you off you were covered in tears like I had done the worst thing I could ever do to you.”

“I wasn’t crying because you kissed me.” He admits. “I was crying because I was scared. I was scared of what I realized about myself.”

Eric doesn’t seem to understand.

“When you kissed me,” Guanshan continues, “all I could think of was I was kissing the wrong person. I like someone and I’ve liked them for a long time but I didn’t realize it until that night and I was afraid to feel those feelings.”

“It’s He Tian isn’t it?” Eric asks. “He’s the one you like?”

“Yes.” He admits. “And I don’t know if I’m gay or bi or whatever. All I know is I like He Tian and I want to be with him and I’m sorry that I potentially destroyed the friendship we had because of that.”

Eric sighs, letting his arms fall to his sides. “You didn’t destroy anything. It’s my own fault for even thinking you’d want to kiss me. You’re just… you’re the cutest guy I’ve met in a long time and I guess I got carried away with a crush.”

“I mean,” Guanshan blushes. It’s still weird thinking anyone could like him like that. “I’m flattered you found me attractive when I’ve been questioning that since I was like twelve but I’m happier just being your friend. I liked spending time with you and Chen and I don’t want to lose that.”

Eric smiles at the redhead. This may be the first guy where things didn’t work out that they still want to be friends. Guanshan is right though. They had a good thing going and there is no sense letting that night ruin it. It was a mistake and the two can agree on that. As long as they understand that all they need is friendship between them then that is what matters most. 

“I don’t want to lose that either.” Eric says. “I like when we all spend time together.”

Guanshan feels happy again. He doesn’t have to lose a new friend over something that was rather ridiculous. It wasn’t something worth not talking anymore. Guanshan simply forgot that he never cleared that up. He assumed everything would be okay when he came back up but that’s not true. Now Guanshan has a friend, a potential love interest and a growing relationship with his father. His life is really coming together.

~

Sitting down and eating dinner with his father is rather nice to do. He asks about how school is going for Guanshan and his son will ask how his work is. It’s simple conversations that don’t start controversy making it seem like Guanshan’s dad is learning what to say and what not to say. He hasn’t said much about the new restaurant yet which is rather comforting. The idea is still fresh in Mo’s mind and it still worries him of the outcome.

“Anything new going on in your life?” his dad asks, taking a bite of his food. 

There’s a lot of new stuff going on in Guanshan’s life but nothing he is comfortable sharing with his dad. He hasn’t even told his mom about his feeling for He Tian yet and for sure she will be the first parent to know. 

“The same old, same old.” Guanshan lies.

“Well hey,” His dad says, “I wanted to tell you that my restaurant is almost done being built.”

“Oh, really?” Mo asks now a tad bit uncomfortable.

“Yeah, so that means I should be able to have more time for you.”

“How so though?” Guanshan asks unsure. “You’re going to be there all the time. You own it and I’m assuming you’re going to cook to. You’ll have no time for me.”

“Well, I was hoping you’d work there with me.” 

Guanshan drops his fork to his plate, staring at his father like he just said the craziest thing. Work with him? Actually work with him, in the kitchen? As a kid there is nothing he would have wanted more but now there is nothing that could worry him more. He knows their relationship is repairing but he doesn’t think it’s hit that level of trust yet.

“Um,” Guanshan stutters, “I think that’s something I’d have to think about for a little while.”

“No, take your time.” His father urges which lifts a weight off of his shoulders. “You’re not forced to do it, I’d just like my son beside me while I make myself the father you deserve.”

That statement. It’s a hefty one to make which leave Guanshan a tad bit nervous. He believes his father but that belief he now has on him is slightly frightening. Guanshan is trusting this man more; it’s almost like he is whole new person. Like his life is different than what it used to be. Like that old life never existed; but that idea is terrifying. 

“Thank you.” Is all Guanshan can think to say to that and the conversation is put to rest. Now it’s simply something to think about; like many other things in his life at the moment.

 

~

The morning in lazy. There was nothing special for breakfast and dad took a trip to his in-progress restaurant. He offered for Mo to go with him but he just wasn’t feeling comfortable stepping foot in there again, yet. He decided to stay at the apartment and wait till his dad got back to head back home.   
Guanshan is awaiting He Tian’s call. He promised to call this weekend so he’s trying to be patient. Mo is letting He Tian call too. He doesn’t want to seem too eager to talk to him all while sounding enthused when it’s Tian on the phone.   
This behavior is hard to Guanshan to get used to. Being eager, being kind and acting happy. It doesn’t sound like him but he’s hoping that maybe these new emotions won’t look so bad on him. Things are starting to feel easier for him. Confidence is nice to have and it earned him a good friend. 

There’s a buzz in Guanshan’s pocket making his heart skip a beat. There on the screen his He Tian’s name and a grin forms at the corners of Mo’s lips. He kept his promise. 

“Hey,” He beams into the phone. “I thought you weren’t going to call for a minute.”

“He shouldn’t be calling you at all.” Kuai Hua’s voice invades his ears and that’s when he felt his heart drop into his stomach. 

“Why the hell are you calling me?” He spits out. 

“I saw in He Tian’s call logs that the last person he called was you.” She sounds angry and it makes Guanshan wonder if He Tian knows she is doing this. “Want to explain that to me?”

“Not really.” He scoffs pacing his living room. She has nothing better to do than monitor He Tian’s phone calls and harass the recipients of them?

“Listen to me clearly. Guanshan.” Kuai Hua orders, her voice low but it screams that she’s serious. “You are to leave He Tian alone. He wants to see you, the answer is no. He wants to facetime you, the answer is no. He wants to text you or call you, he isn’t to do so. Do you understand?”

Guanshan’s eyes narrow. No he doesn’t understand. 

“Kuai Hua are you intimidated by me?” He asks instead.

“Excuse me?”

“No seriously, I’d like to know.” He urges; his new found confidence bubbling in the pit of his stomach. “Are you intimidated by me because the only reason you’d make He Tian stop talking to me and seeing me is because you think there is something in me he’d rather have than you do.”

Silence. Guanshan gulps when he realizes just how that sounded. At least he got her to shut up for a second and just to add to the blow he just made:

“Well?”

“Are you telling me that you’re interested in him?” She finally replies.

“I never said that.” He clarifies. “I said you think He Tian is and that you see me as a threat.”

She chuckles. “You’re no threat to me Guanshan.”

His grin returns. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

Guanshan quickly hangs up the phone so he doesn’t have to hear her stupid reply. He heaves in a breath knowing just how risky saying those things are. Still, he knows she won’t tell He Tian they had that talk. If he found out she was going through his phone without permission he would be beyond angry. Mo is proud of himself. He knocked Kuai Hua down a few pegs just like she needed. Yeah. Confidence looks good on him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once home Guanshan is lying on his bed reading a magazine, bored out of his mind. He hasn’t called He Tian because he has no idea if Kuai Hua is still with him or not. Either way, he will fill his time with this article on horoscopes. There is no need to let the idea of Kuai Hua invade his mind. She isn’t even worth a thought in the first place. 

Guanshan’s phone starts to ring, the name saying He Tian at the top of the screen. It better actually be him this time. 

 

“Hello?” Mo says when he answers and He Tian’s voice fills his ears.

 

“I did not know she would call you.” Are the first words he says. Guanshan kind of knew He Tian didn’t have any idea what she was doing.

 

“It’s not a big deal.” Guanshan shrugs. He got to stand up to that girl so the call is no longer bothering him. He’s happy she called.

 

“She warned me if I called you, I’d regret it.”

 

“Do you think you could regret calling me?” Guanshan asks rather cheekily.

 

“No,” He Tian smiles. “Talking to you will alway be worth it no matter what the punishment may be.”

 

There’s a smug grin on Mo’s face as he lays himself comfortably down on his pillow. This is what he wanted to hear; exactly what he wanted to hear. Kuai Hua has zero grip on him and that is relieving. 

 

“What are the plans for tomorrow?” He asks He Tian what he has in mind.

 

“Thought we’d come back to my place.” He replies happily. “Walk home from school, maybe make dinner together.”

 

Even if that’s something they do all the time it sounds so nice to do. Guanshan misses the simple things of having him as a friend. It feels like forever since they have spent any time together and conversations over the phone don’t count. Guanshan want to see him, that stupid smug grin and piercing eyes that always seem like they’re looking too deep. He wants to feel him under his hands, tight in a hug that won’t end. Mo hates the way he is thinking lately but those Zhengxi and Ling (mostly) got into his head. 

 

“That sounds good to me.” 

 

The two stayed on the phone for a bit too long for a school night but neither of them wanted to say goodbye. They talked about stupid, meaningless things. They talked about how things went at Guanshan’s dad’s house; how his weekend was. Guanshan asked what He Tian had been up to and it really is nothing. He has been spending time with Kuai Hua and that’s pretty much it. Soon he won’t have to spend time with her at all. 

 

                                                                                                                                    ~

 

The day goes by slow which isn’t all that shocking. Guanshan hasn’t even seen He Tian’s face yet today and it’s bothering him. He has been anxious all day realizing that today is the day He Tian finds out how Guanshan feels about him. The redhead is going to open up today and hope for the best so his mind is not resting, thinking of every possible scenario of how it’s going to go. He keeps rehearsing the words over and over again in his mind.

 

_ He Tian, I need you to know I have feelings for you. I don’t want to just be your friend anymore. _

 

This is going to be harder than Mo had originally thought. The more he repeats that the more he it sounds fake and unrealistic. He groans inwardly. He doesn’t want to look stupid when he comes out and says it. He doesn’t even know how to bring it up.

The whole day Guanshan has these thoughts in his head. He has these thoughts up to the final bell and as he makes his way to the front gate to meet He Tian. 

 

The redhead practically makes a beeline for the spot the two had promised to meet. He doesn’t want to look too excited to see He Tian. That isn’t in his character to be giddy. Still, his face is red when he reaches the gate. He stops maybe thirty feet from where he can see He Tian standing rather impatiently, looking everywhere for Guanshan. 

Their eyes meet making Mo’s heart jump from his chest and face get redder. The expression on He Tian’s face is one never seen before. He’s giddy, but once he realizes he isn’t playing that cool look, his full blown smile turns into a cheeky grin. Of course it does.

 

“Look who it is.” He calls as he makes his way over. 

 

“Yeah, it’s me.” Guanshan chokes out. What a stupid thing to say he thinks. He bets he looks so obvious right now.

 

He Tian looks him up and down like he’s confused. “You okay?”

 

Gunashan shrugs and gives a week smile. “Fine.” He lies. “Class was a little long but other than that I’m doing okay.”

 

Even if He Tian is aware that was a lie, he ignores it and gives a quirky grin. “Well let’s get going then. I’d like to leave before Kuai Hua notices me or one of her friends.”

 

“Probably best.” Mo chuckles letting He Tian lead the way off the grounds. 

 

On their way out Guanshan catches eyes with Ling, next to him Zhengxi. Ling gives him a wink making the redhead roll his eyes. What a dork. 

 

It seems He Tian wanted to take a different route home. This isn’t the normal way they take. The two are walking along the river neither of them really talking. It’s strange because last night the two of them couldn’t shut up. Maybe it’s the energy Guanshan is giving off causing this strangeness between them. He looks up at He Tian’s face which looks deep in thought.

 

“What’s on your mind?” He asks carefully. He wants to hear is voice in person as much as he can. Maybe that will help his heart and mind to rest a little.

 

He Tian shakes his head a little then looking down to Guanshan. “You.” He smiles quickly but then it disappears. 

 

“You look kind of upset about that.” Mo jokes a little causing a little snicker to escape the taller boy. 

 

“No, you aren’t what’s upsetting.” He Tian clarifies. “It’s what I did to you. I shouldn’t have acted like Kuai Hua was above you. She never has been and betrayed you.”

 

Guanshan watches the gravel beneath his feet. “Please don’t say that.” He says softly.

 

“It’s true, I-”

 

“Please don’t talk about her today.” Guanshan cuts him off, stopped in place and looking sternly up at He Tian. He looks back at him, confused. He thought this is what he would want to hear. “Just not today. I don’t want to hear her name come out of her mouth or else I can’t do this.”

 

For a moment He Tian just watches him. “Can’t do what?”

 

Guanshan fucked up. He just knows if he keeps hearing about that girl he is going to question if he should even say anything. Any other day he could take it but not today when so many doubts are flying through his head. 

“Please just don’t talk about her.” He whispers. “Not today.”

 

“I promise.” He Tian nods in agreement, reaching out his hand to guide Guanshan closer to him so he can be at his side. He only wants to get him home so they can spend time together like they used to. He Tian feels as if he destroyed any chances of holding him close but at least he can keep him at arm’s length. 

 

Once the two are back at the apartment things got easier. Guanshan started chopping the vegetables for the beef stew, He Tian setting up pots and pans - the easy stuff - as he was asked to do. 

 

“What’s next boss?” He Tian jokes watching Guanshan’s back, looking him up and down and falling in love all over again.

 

“Get me the utensils I need and put them by the stove.” Mo smiles not turning to him. “Then get out the beef broth.” 

 

“Ugh,” He Tian growns moving over to the other, placing a hand on his hip, pressing his chest into Guanshan’s back to reach for the utensils. “Can I have a harder job?”

 

He Tian lingers there, purposefully struggling to grab what he needs. Guanshan is frozen. His hands have stopped chopping, his body is straight up but he doesn’t want He Tian to leave. He wants him to keep struggling.

 

“Having trouble?” He asks.

 

“A little.” He Tian replies. “What ones do you need exactly?”

 

Mo drops the knife on the cutting board, reaching his hand over to the bowl the utensils are in. His body arches in a different way causing He Tian’s chest to no longer touch him but now his hips are aligned with the back side of him and he now regrets his decision. He is sure He Tian is having a mini heart attack at the moment though.

Guanshan pulls out wooden spoon and spatula before straightening his body again. He hands them to He Tian without looking at him.

 

“There you go.” He says, He Tian taking them slowly, eyes not leaving Guanshan’s pink face.

 

“Your cheeks are pink,” He whispers in his ear, Mo turning to face He Tian, they’re inches apart. 

 

Guanshan looks from He Tian’s eyes to his lips then back up. “Are you trying to flirt with me?” He grins, digging that confidence out from deep inside of him.

 

He Tian looks taken aback. For a second he says nothing but then he smirks. “No.”

 

“Good.” Guanshan smiles before turning back to his vegetables. He needs to finish cutting them no matter how fast his heart is beating. Tian soon leaves his presence and their warmth is no longer shared.

 

Nothing is spoken between the two as He Tian gets the broth out of the fridge and places it on the counter. It’s awkwardly quiet and both of them still have pounding hearts. 

 

“You don’t want me to?” He Tian asks turning to watch Guanshan’s back again.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You don’t want me to flirt with you?”

 

Guanshan chuckles. He is trying to keep his sweater sleeves from getting in his way but they won’t stop sliding down his arms. He’s had enough and slips it from his shoulders, throwing it to the stool. He Tian’s breath hitches and Guanshan hears it. He Tian is acting like he’s never seen the boy in a tank top before.

 

“Why would I want you to flirt with me?”

 

He Tian disregards that question. “Are you flirting with  _ me _ ?”

 

Mo turns to the other with a smirk. He walks up to him so there not too far apart and that smile goes nowhere. “I don’t flirt with people.” He then rests his hand on He Tian’s hip, dragging hit across his stomach as he moves around him, then his hand is gone as quickly as it arrived.

 

He Tian is floored. He can’t take his eyes off the redhead. What happened to him in the last week? “You’re different.”

 

“Am I?”

 

“Completely.”

 

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

 

Guanshan doesn’t know how he had just done what he did. He didn’t intend to make He Tian lose it because he took off his sweater. He didn’t mean to get so close and now he’s riled up in a way he didn’t know he could get. He needs to cool down though. Right now isn’t the time to tell him.

Dinner was nice. They didn’t eat at the table, they watched a movie as they ate their stew. Against both their wants, they sat a bit too far from each other. It may be best when they’re both a bit hyped up. Besides, even if Guanshan doesn’t want to think about it, He Tian is still dating Kuai Hua. He can’t just turn He Tian into an unfaithful man. That isn’t his plan today.

He Tian can’t help but to catch glances of the boy sitting far beside him. It’s as if he’s staring at perfection. It’s as if this the first time he is seeing him. It’s almost as if He Tian has never noticed how prominent Guanshan’s collarbones are or how lean his arms are. It’s as if He Tian had no idea his hair was red because now he is more mesmerising than ever before. Maybe seeing him today was a bad idea because he was so sure he could control his feeling now. He thought dating Kuai Hua was a big enough distraction. He thought wrong.

 

“Hey,” Guanshan exclaims, kicking He Tian lightly in the thigh once he realized he was staring, “stop being a creeper and help me clean up the kitchen.”

 

He Tian has to take a deep breath to get it together. He lets Guanshan go first to the kitchen, following after he feels he has gotten it together. He clearly forgot just how mind consuming this boy is.

It’s almost impossible to not get close to Guanshan as they clean up the kitchen. Guanshan does the dishes as He Tian clears the counter. It’s so difficult because he is just standing there in his tank top and jeans that should be illegal because they hug his body just right. He Tian didn’t realize how low his self control was until today but he can’t destroy what they already have.

Guanshan can feel those eyes on him and it’s making his heart pound so hard he’s worried he is going to keel over. He needs to say something before he ends up just leaving without a word. He knows that’s something he would do too. Guanshan is very easily one to chicken out in times like this. Telling other people about him was easier only because it wasn’t He Tian. This is the real thing now and he can’t run away. He won’t let himself.

 

“He Tian.” He says.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I know I said I didn’t want to talk about Kuai Hua tonight,” Guanshan sighs, trying to keep his eyes on these dishes, “but I have a question.”

 

“Ask away.”

 

“When you’re with her,” He says before taking in a deep breath. He needs to find that courage to say this. “When you’re with her, do wish she was me?”

 

Guanshan can’t concentrate on the dishes anymore but he also can’t turn to look at He Tian.

 

“What?” He Tian tries to laugh off but this annoys Guanshan.

 

“Please answer it,” He begs, turning now, looking him in the eyes. “Please answer it honestly.”

 

He Tian stares back. He looks as if he’s going to shed a tear but he doesn’t take his eyes away from Guanshan’s. “Always.”

 

Those words are everything Guanshan needed to hear but they don’t stop there. He Tian continues with words he wouldn’t expect to hear.

 

“Everytime I look at her I wish it was your face I saw.” He chokes out. “Everytime I hear her voice I wished it was yours or if I got a text from her I wanted it to be your name instead.”

 

“He Tian-”

 

He gets louder. “Everytime I kissed her I dreamed they were your lips instead because yours are the only ones I ever want to touch.”

 

“He Tian-”

 

And louder. “God damn it, Guanshan I couldn’t sleep with her anymore because I just needed it to be you!” He Tian moves closer to him. “I needed you, I still need you but you could never want me so why the  _ fuck _ would you ask me such a bullshit question?” 

 

Guanshan watches those eyes. He watches that mouth twitch and he watches those tears stream down those cheeks. Now he’s at a loss for words as he watches this man fall apart before his eyes. 

 

“I’ve always wanted you.” Guanshan says just barely above a whisper and He Tian’s eyes change. “I just didn’t know it, and I’m sorry.”

 

He Tian gets closer, tears still falling silently. Their noses touch, He Tian’s hands hovering on either side of Guanshan’s cheeks. They finally rest carefully on either side of his face, letting out a shaky sigh of relief.

 

“Let me kiss you.” He says slowly, lips only a moment apart as he waits for permission. Guanshan says nothing. He didn’t want to do this but now that’s all his body is telling him to do. He nods lightly, not wanting He Tian’s hands to leave his face, not wanting him to leave his space.

 

Their lip come together quickly. He Tian kisses him fast and doesn’t stop, as if this is the only time this will ever get to happen. Guanshan lets him kiss with force because he kisses back with the same amount. His arms wrap about his neck, one hand in his black hair the other gripping tight onto his neck. He feels his back press against the sink, then large hands on his back then himself being lifted to sit on the edge of it. 

He Tian is between his legs, hands pressed firmly against his back. He doesn’t want to let him go. He could be like this forever. Even with their lips pressed hard together and teeth hitting teeth, it’s not close enough. He Tian tried to initiate tongue but at soon as Guanshan feels that against his own he pushes away.

Guanshan had his hands placed on He Tian’s chest trying to keep him at bay. They’re both breathing heavily, faces still close that they can feel each other’s breath on their skin.

 

“Too much,” Guanshan gets out. “That’s a little much right now.”

 

“I’m sorry.” He Tian he sighs. 

 

“No,” Guanshan smiles. “Don’t apologize. I’m just...I’m not ready to really...kiss like that yet.”

 

“Take your time.” He Tian smiles genuinely then leans in for a quick peck on the lips. As they kiss one more time, the smile never leaves Guanshan’s face. “I never thought I’d get to do this.”

 

“You’re not alone.” Mo says kissing him again. Now that he’s done it he doesn’t want to stop. It’s as if this terrifying barrier has come crashing down. If he could, Guanshan probably wouldn’t stop kissing He Tian tonight. “Now, please don’t drop me in the water.” They both laugh, He Tian helping him hop down from the sink, their bodies still close.

 

“I should probably go.” Guanshan mutters.

 

“Please don’t.”

 

“I’ll call you.” He promises. “I promised my mom I wouldn’t be home too late.”

 

“Do you want me to bring you?”

 

“No,” he shakes his head. “I’m going to walk. Don’t look so sad. I’m not going to disappear.”

 

“How do I know that?” He Tian grumbles. 

 

Guanshan smiles. He lifts his head a little, leaving a lingering kiss on He Tian’s lips. “You know I won’t.”

 

The redhead grabs his sweater and stuff from school before heading out the door. He Tian wishes he didn’t have to see him leave but at least he still has the feeling of his lips on his own. 

As Guanshan walks down the street he can’t contain the goofy grin on his face. He’s biting his thumb nail, trying to conceal this complete uphoria inside of him. People don’t need to see him this happy. All that will do is cause problems but he can’t contain it. He is so proud of himself. He told He Tian and not only that, he got to kiss him too and He Tian was  _ patient _ with him. This is what he has been needing. This is what Guanshan has been craving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I updated and I apologize for such a long stretch of time where I wasn't active. I haven't been doing well lately, especially after that really negative comment left on my story recently. I allow criticism but please remember to keep it constructive instead of rude comments simply to be rude. I don't normally say such thing but I didn't feel I should have to. I do this for fun, and I do this for me. Trust me, I'm thrilled to share it with you guys and so many of you are amazing and are kind and give constructive criticism. Sometimes we don't always remember to be kind. 
> 
> Anyway. that's then end of that. I wanted to say that this chapter is special. It's special because it's dedicated to someone who I promised a prompt to and I never got around to it so I offered to dedicate a chapter to her that would be kind of similar to the prompt I had in mind. So this is for my Tumblr friend stripespolkadots!

When Guanshan walked through the door at the apartment he didn’t expect to see his father there at the island in the kitchen. It feels almost as if he walked into a dream he had always hope for, where his family is normal and together. Now though, looking at it, knowing who his father once was, this image makes him sick to his stomach. What is he even doing here?

“Hey, Shan.” His father smiles at him like this is any regular greeting. Like he had done this a thousands times before. As if they have a healthy relationship. Even if their relationship is getting better it hasn’t reached this level of comfortable yet.  
“What are you doing here?” Guanshan questions carefully, dropping his backpack to the floor against the wall. He is looking to his mother trying to figure out if this is okay but she avoids his eyes. 

“Your mom wanted to talk with me.” He says slowly as if he is trying to deliver some rough news. This is rough news. 

Guanshan looks to his mother again. She looks ashamed but she doesn’t deny it. Would she though? Isn’t she still scared of him? The idea of her inviting him over here seems so unreal.

“We’re discussing me being in your life full time.”

“What?” Guanshan’s eyes shift between them. Full time? For some reason the first though that comes to his head is that his mom wants him living with his dad. That doesn’t make any sense. Just a few months ago she was fighting for full custody. 

“I didn’t bring it up.” His mother informs. That’s important information. “But your father and I are considering working on our relationship.”

For a moment the redhead is silent. He looks between both his parents. Them getting back together wouldn’t be beneficial for anyone. His mother can’t trust him so easily and take him back just like that.

“You’re getting back together?” He asks slowly. He is unsure if what he is thinking is correct and his mind is racing.

“No.” They both reply in an instant.

“We’re going to be more civil and try and work things through without the court.” His mother says calmly. The last thing her son needs is more things to worry about. She sees how he can get and she knows his stress. She will prevent it as much as possible. 

“Then, possibly,” his father adds on, “our relationship can grow to more. Hopefully start over.”

This is all too much. Guanshan shakes his head trying to shake away the confusing forming. Not twenty minutes ago he was feeling euphoric and then this bomb was dropped on him. He steps back, leaning down to grab his bag, placing it back over his shoulder.

“Well,” he says ignoring the topic at hand. He doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. “I just came to pick up clothes. I was planning on staying at He Tian’s tonight anyway.”

“On a school night?” His mother asks as her son makes his way across the room so he can pack some clothes for tomorrow. 

“Yeah he uh...needs to help me with my homework.” Guanshan hastily throws whatever clothes in his bag, door to his room still open so he can hear his mother calling to him. He makes his way out.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just invite him over here?” His mother offers. “He must be lonely in that big loft all by himself.”

“That’s why I’m going over.” Guanshan huffs. “Besides, Dad hates him.”

Mo makes his way to the door his dad furrowing his eyebrows at that last comment. “I don’t hate him, I just-”

The door shuts behind Guanshan. He needed to get out of there. It’s good for his parents try and be civil so they can have a slightly normal divorced family but that’s how it needs to stay: divorced. Even if they did get back together, Guanshan would feel like he has to constantly look after his mom like he thought he must when he was only a child. He may like the improvements his father has made but he still could never trust him completely. He needs to remain at arm’s length with him and his mother.   
Since this is the only thing occupying his mind, Mo doesn’t even think to call He Tian to tell him he’s spending the night. That’s better anyway. He will get all giddy seeing the boy he just made out with back on his doorstep. Even if that’s not what’s going to be happening tonight, He Tian won’t complain. He’d much rather just have Guanshan’s presence even if it’s a desperate and confused one. 

Just two raps on the door is all it takes for He Tian to answer the door. His expression is one that shows he’s shocked and pleased with who he sees there. 

“Did you get home then realize you missed me?” He Tian teases but Guanshan doesn’t want that right now. He pushes past He Tian to the center of his loft. 

“I’m spending the night.” He grunts out, tossing his back angrily onto the couch. “So just keep your stupid comments to yourself.”

“Hey, what happened to the lovestruck boy that left here about an hour ago?” He Tian asks confused slowly moving towards him.

Guanshan doesn’t turn towards him. “I wasn’t love struck.” He says angrily. “Just leave me alone.”

No words from He Tian. He looks Guanshan up and down, studying his body language. It’s clear something happened and he wants to know what and he will find out. 

“You’re just acting very different.” He Tian finally utters. “I’m just a little worried about you.”

“Well don’t be,” the redhead yells. “I’m probably just bipolar or something..” 

His parents being civil should be any kids dream but it feels like every single one of Guanshan’s nightmares are springing to life. He can handle his dad for a weekend every week but everyday? And if he wants to move back in that’s even worse.   
So what is he going to do? Sit here in He Tian’s home in an angry silence while the other just waits patiently for him to come down from his anger high? No.

“I’m scared…” Guanshan whispers so quietly it could have gone unheard if there were any noises in the apartment.

Immediately, He Tian pulls Guanshan in at the utter of those words. He holds the redhead close to his chest hoping to calm his little Mo just a tad. 

Scared? The only thing He Tian can think of is that he’s scared of this. He’s scared of what they have together at the moment. He’s afraid of what they started. What else could it be?

“My mom and dad are trying to work things out.” Gunashan mutters into that chest, grasping the shirt on He Tian’s back. He pulls the redhead to arms length.

“That’s a good thing isn’t it?” He’s rather confused. He feels as if the two should be getting along.

Gunashan leaves the embrace, shaking his head. He turns from He Tian. “I don’t know.” He sighs. “I still don’t trust him. And it’s not just getting along; they’re talking about getting back together.”

This give He Tian a bit of a shock. He wouldn’t think auntie would go back to a man like that after everything he’s done. Still, he is fighting for his son every step of the way.

“I can’t say that’s not shocking.” He Tian says carefully, giving it a moment before he continues. It’s clear to see this isn’t easy on Guanshan. “Still you have to give your dad some credit.”

Guanshan is holding himself up over the back of the couch, looking to He Tian for more of an answer than that. 

“I’m going to be honest,” he warns him, “nobody hates your dad as much as me-” Guanshan chuckles, “-but he has changed. He got a job that he works endless hours at just so he can see you on the weekend, he’s trying to get along with you mom and he cares about you.”

“He hates you.” Mo points out. “If he found out about what is going on here... do you have any idea what he would do to you?”

He Tian shrugs as if that’s not the first time someone has threatened a protective father on him. “He’s looking out for you. That’s more than my father had ever done for me.”

The redhead thinks it over. He Tian does have a point. It’s clear He Tian isn’t the best of people so it’s not too much of a shock that his father doesn’t care for him. Damn though does Guanshan’s mom love He Tian. 

“I’ll give it some time I guess.” Guanshan decides. “I don’t even know why I’m freaking out. I can’t see them getting back together. The world would probably end.”

He Tian gives a small smirk. He watches Guanshan who doesn’t even look his way. He is still leaning his body over the back of the couch, staring off in the distance. Tian licks his lips as he watches the other trying his best not to think of earlier but that boy is intoxicating, even while he is three feet away. Guanshan catches He Tian’s eyes making that stupid pink hue come back to his cheeks. He turns his face away, back to the wall. 

“Are you still spending the night then?” He Tian asks breaking the quiet. 

Guanshan takes a moment to think it over. Is that really a good idea? He could sleep on the couch and they could simply not get too close all night. That would be best if they don’t have too much contact.

“I guess I can.” Guanshan nods. “Besides, my mom would be confused why I came home when I already told her I was spending the night.”

“Perfect.” He Tian says in this calm and satisfied tone. He moves himself towards Guanshan just wanting to be close. He wraps his arms around Guanshan’s waist, turning him so their torsos can touch. Tian leans down to capture his lips but Mo turns his head making the other get his cheek instead. Guanshan pushes from the embrace.

“Look…” he starts a bit uncomfortable. “I do like you and whatever but...earlier I wasn’t really myself. I don’t normally do stuff like that; so impulsive.”

Guanshan takes a second to see if He Tian has anything to say but he is just listening carefully.

“I need to take this slow,” he continues, “besides I can’t go any further with this until you break up with Kuai Hua.”

He Tian is quiet for a beat but it doesn’t take him long to have a response. “So, you’re telling me, that in order to be with you all I have to do is break up with Kuai Hua?”

Guanshan nods slowly. “Yeah. Pretty much.” Even if they have already shared a kiss, it’s wrong to go further when He Tian is still in a relationship. He won’t be that kind of person. 

“Done.” He Tian chuckles lightly, smile large and bright. 

Mo can almost not believe it. This is actually going to happen and it was so much simpler than he thought. Thank god.

~

When the time for bed came around, Guanshan in his pajamas made himself comfortable on the couch. He Tian resides in his room, light still on as he watches the redhead shifting his body to the best position. Tian would much prefer that boy on his bed, holding him until he drifts off to sleep. Guanshan is always so riled up and to see him so peaceful is almost a gift. 

“You sure you want to sleep there?” He Tian calls over to him. “I have a big bed and the other side gets kind of lonely.”

“Cut your bullshit.” Guanshan grumbles even if he is curious to the idea. Sharing a bed with someone, now that’s different. “You know I can’t.”

“Alright.” He Tian shrugs as if he doesn’t care. “Your loss. I’m known to be a pretty damn good cuddler. 

He Tian makes himself comfortable, snuggling into the bed and his blanket, closing his eyes and pretending to sleep. He expects Guanshan to give in simply out of pure curiosity to what it’s like to share your body heat with someone. 

“Turn off your light.” Guanshan groans from his spot but in response he gets the fakest snore to ever come out of a human being. “He Tian, I know you’re not sleeping.” Another snore in response. 

What an idiot. That’s fine then. Guanshan can easily play along to the stupid game He Tian is playing. The redhead gets up from his spot, turning off the lamp on the bedside table. For a moment Guanshan stands there over He Tian waiting for something to happen. He expects him to reach out and pull him into the bed or pull his arm down so he can capture a sneaky goodnight kiss. Guanshan was the one who said they couldn’t do these things, yet here he is, the one waiting for something to happen. 

Nothing. 

Guanshan lets out a sigh. He Tian is actually being respectful. He lays there in the bed, blanket covering most of his face like a child. Only is eyes are showing; closed but still weirdly enticing. He Tian has long black eyelashes that a lot of girls would probably murder him for. His hair sweeps across his forehead so delicately it’s hard to not touch it. Guanshan notices some falls over He Tian’s eyes so he sweeps it out so he can look at those eyelashes again.   
All these girls are right; He Tian is a beautiful specimen. It makes Guanshan more jealous than anything but then he remembers, someone beautiful like this feels so strongly towards him. It’s enough to make someone faint.   
The redhead gives in. He walks around the bed, getting under the covers on the other side. His back is to He Tian but it doesn’t take long for the other to roll over and wrap his arm over him. He holds tightly, so close Guanshan can feel his breath on his neck. It creates uncomfortable shivers.

“Well look who broke one of his rules.” He Tian teases into Mo’s ear. He can hear the grin in his voice. 

Guanshan sits up on the mattress. “He Tian.” He says carefully in this tone that shouldn’t be used at the moment. He sounds fearful so He Tian sits ups with him. “This all so new to me. I have these feelings and now that I’m close I guess I want to get closer but…” He trails off.

“What is it?”

Guanshan looks down to his hands in the dark. He keeps fiddling with his fingers. “If this becomes really serious my dad will find out and he won’t understand it. My mom would be fine, maybe even praise the idea but my dad would kill me and you. I’m scared of this. I’m scared of what this could create.”

This is easy for He Tian to understand. He understands homophobia. He has seen it enough to understand this fear about it. He Tian brings his arms around Guanshan’s middle, pulling him so his back matches up with his chest. He holds him close to try and create the illusion of safety. 

“You’re allowed to be afraid.”He Tian assures him. “I felt the way you did when I was younger when I was first discovering myself. My father didn’t get it and that’s mostly why we don’t talk anymore.”

The other boy pulls away slightly to look at He Tian in the dark. “You never told me that before.”

“I don’t tell anyone much about my father.” He Tian admits.

“What happened?” Guanshan asks. “How did he find out you were bi?”

“Well according to my father I just have homosexual tendencies.” He Tian starts. “When I was fourteen I had my first lover. He was older than me, he worked for my dad. He wasn’t super older than me, don’t give me that look.”

Guanshan has this expression that seems concerned like maybe He Tian was taken advantage of. This isn’t really easy to hear.

“He was seventeen.” He Tian confirms. “If that makes you feel any better. Anyway, my brother caught us one time. He told me he wouldn’t tell our father if I promised to stop what I was doing. I didn’t listen of course. You know how stubborn I am.”

“So your brother found out and told him?” 

“I don’t know how he found out. We were very careful after we got caught.” He Tian explains. “Still, the next thing I know my father is down my throat, pissed at me for deceiving him, as he called it. It got pretty bad so I moved here, in my uncles loft. Where I wouldn’t be judged or told what to do.”

“What about your mother?” Guanshan asks. “She didn’t try to stop you from leaving?”

“Well,” He Tian sighs, “I don’t know my mother. She died when I was two and I don’t really remember her at all.”

“You don’t know your mother?” Mo questions sounding rather distraught. He can’t imagine growing up without his mother. He doesn’t say this outloud but Guanshan’s mom is his rock. She is what gets him through everything. They get each other through everything. “I’m so sorry.” 

Guanshan isn’t sure of what to do, so he encircles his arms around He Tian’s neck. He holds tightly as if a hug will heal that emptiness. 

“It’s okay,” He Tian lightly chuckles, hugging back. “We can just share your mom.” Guanshan snorts into the other’s shoulder.

“No wonder you like my mom so much.” Shan sighs, resting his head on the other’s shoulder, getting closer than before. “I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.”

He Tian strokes Guanshan’s arm as he hugs him tighter into his body. He is well aware his little Momo would get to far without the mother that he has. Her love for him is very clear and he couldn’t ask for a better parent. He Tian does wish sometimes that he had a mother, even dreaming that he could find that type of closeness his Guanshan’s. It’s hard having a family you can’t trust; a family you feel doesn’t even love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys felt this chapter was a bit better writing than the last chapter. I did try to work hard on this, put my time and care into it. Let me know what you think.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My oh my another chapter down. I hope this is an enjoyable one. I feel like I'm getting closer to ones I'm really excited to write. This is going well guys!! Hope you like it!

Walking onto school grounds right next to He Tian feels different than normal. It feels as if everyone knows what is going on between them now. It spikes Guanshan’s anxiety through the roof; he can feel his heart stir in his chest. He looks over to He Tian. He looks angry with his face resting the way it is. Maybe he is worried too but clearly for a different reason. Guanshan looks forward again. 

Soon enough, Kuai Hua is running up to He Tian, big smile on her face to see her boyfriend. That face is going to change. She has no idea the whole night her boyfriend was holding someone else. She doesn’t know he kissed someone else on the cheek when he woke up to get in the shower. Guanshan feels dirty even if it wasn’t much that happened besides the kiss they shared. God, Kuai Hua has no clue He Tian’s lips touched someone else’s. 

“I’m gonna go.” Guanshan says quickly, heading far from the two. He doesn’t want to be there for the explosion. He needs to get as far as possible because he knows for a fact Kuai Hua will blame him and blame him loud enough for the whole school to hear. He’s surprised she didn’t freak out for just seeing him standing next to He Tian.

 

Guanshan doesn’t get far though; he is stopped by Ling who is awaiting on the dirt. What happened between those two?

 

“So?” He whispers, keeping a hand Guanshan’s arms so he won’t escape from the question. “Did you tell him?”

 

Mo looks back at He Tian who is carefully telling her they can’t be an item anymore. He’s so glad they had a talk about them; about how it needs to be on the down low for a little while. “Yeah I did.” He whispers. 

 

“That’s great!” Ling seems a bit too excited. “So what’s going on between you two? You a couple?” 

 

As Guanshan is about to answer he hears Kuai Hua yelling from across the way. “You’re dumping me?” She screams. “It’s his fault isn’t it?” She is pointing right at Mo and she has attracted the attention of a lot of other students. 

 

He Tian tries to quietly explain to her that he simply doesn’t love her and it wouldn’t be fair to stay with her if that is in fact true. It is true but it isn’t the whole truth. That doesn’t stop Kuai Hua’s yelling. She refuses to listen to any excuse He Tian comes up with, turning on her heels and heading straight for Guanshan. The redhead grips his friend’s arm tightly, this being only one of a handful of times he’s been legitimately frightened. 

 

“You!” She  calls but Guanshan doesn’t move. He wish he would run but that would prove Kuai Hua’s beliefs correct. She is correct. “Tell me your side of the story.” She stops right in front of him awaiting an answer.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Guanshan lies.

 

“No, I think you do.” Her voice is calm now, dripping with disdain. “You come strolling in her with my boyfriend and as soon as you disappear he drops me like I’m nothing to him. To me it sounds like you’re behind it.”

 

Guanshan takes in some heavy breaths. He’s sure he’s sweating. “I had nothing to do with He Tian breaking up with you.”

 

“Really?” She sarcastically questions. “Because what was it you said to me? That you’re a threat to me? Seems I see how. So what happened? You confess you love for him? Suck him off? Fuck him?”

 

Now Guanshan was feeling uncomfortable. All the things she said pop into his head. He’s not ready to think about those kinds of things. “Stop it.” He orders. “It’s not like that. Nothing like that happened.”

 

“Sure.” Kuai Hua nods. She isn’t buying it. She may be annoying but she isn’t blind. “You need to learn your place. You may not belong anywhere but you certainly don’t belong messing around with my boyfriend.”

 

This really makes Guanshan angry. Kuai Hua is no different than any other bully and she is ruthless with her words. “Didn’t you hear him?” He says carefully trying his best to keep calm with every student watching them. “He’s not your boyfriend anymore.”

 

He Tian smiles at that remark. Damn right she’s not. He belongs to someone else now. Someone he has been craving. 

 

“Whose fault is that?” 

 

“Yours!” Guanshan finally loses his cool. “You were controlling, told him who he could and couldn’t see. You made him do nothing but cater to you. Kuai Hua I don’t what world you’re living in but you can’t force somebody to love you. People give to those they want to. Now you can either act like a strong woman like I know you are or you can be childish and blame people for something you did on your own.”

 

Kuai Hua bites the inside of her cheek. Her arms are crossed as she looks the redhead up and down clearly trying to think of something to say in response to that. She wants to hurt him the same way she’s hurting but words might not be able to do that.

 

“I know you’re lying about something.” She says through the tears she didn’t expect to come. “So I know you’re part of this. I hope you can live with coming between a relationship.”

 

Guanshan lowers his voice. “You came between one first.”

 

Kuai Hua steps away from this, leaving the crowd behind; leaving Guanshan looking past everyone to He Tian. He gives a quick, reassuring smile before making his way into the building. It might be better that he doesn’t come over to see him before class starts. It will create a lot more talk than what is going on now. Guanshan decides it’s best to get moving as well. Ling follows.

 

“Okay, you really have to tell me what happened.” Ling beams but keeps his voice down. He knows if he gets too loud that Guanshan will probably strangle him. 

 

“It’s not important.” He shrugs.

 

“Oh, bullshit.” Ling calls. “Did you tell him? You guys kiss? Come on dude, I need details!”

 

Guanshan rolls his eyes. He stops walking, moving to the side so he can make sure no one is listening. “We made dinner and after, while we were cleaning I told him how I felt. He kissed me and I ended up spending the night and slept in his bed.”

 

Ling lifts an eyebrow. “You guys didn’t…”

 

When Mo realizes what his friend is thinking he quickly denies it. “No, no we didn’t. I didn’t even want to do anything if he was with Kuai Hua so I told him to break up with her.”

 

“Wow.” Ling says. “That’s awesome though, man. You have a boyfriend.”

 

Huh. Boyfriend. Guanshan hasn’t really thought of that word. He’s sure it would be weird to say for a while. He hasn’t tried it out though. Is that what He Tian thinks they are?

 

“I guess I do.” Guanshan blushes deeply. 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                ~

 

He Tian looks down to Guanshan who is chewing his lip, lost in thought. He has a feeling he’s thinking about what happened earlier with Kuai Hua. He hopes he’s not thinking of that but he won’t blame him if that is what is on his mind. He Tian brings his hand up to gently run through Guanshan’s hair then down to rest on his neck. This makes Mo jump a little at the sudden contact but he doesn’t protest the touch. He Tian’s fingers lightly stroke the skin of the other’s neck and it’s so relaxing. 

 

“What’s on that beautiful mind?” He Tian asks carefully. Guanshan shrugs. 

 

“This I guess.” He says motioning to the two of them. “Would you say that we’re boyfriends?” 

 

He Tian looks down at Guanshan with such a pure smile. “Is that what you want to be?” He asks. “Because I’d be happy to be your boyfriend.”

 

Here comes that blush again. Guanshan can’t stand how easily he gets embarrassed. This is all so annoyingly new so he doesn’t understand how to deal with his emotions. 

 

“No need to be shy around your boyfriend.” He Tian smirks but he says this proudly. He’s Mo Guanshan’s boyfriend after all. Who wouldn’t be proud of such a thing?

 

“Shut up.” Guanshan chuckles, gently nudging He Tian in the ribs with his elbow.

 

The two walk separately down the street but they don’t say much. There is still more on the redhead’s mind and he doesn’t know how to bring it up or discuss it. They get closer to Mo’s street when He Tian notices that no one is really around. He gives a side glance to Guanshan who has a decolate look on his face.  

There is nothing in this world that could come close to being as captivating as any expression that comes across that redhead’s face. Even scowling, there is no greater beauty to He Tian. He can’t put his finger on what it is but this boy is unbelievably enticing.  He looks down at Guanshan’s hand that hangs by his leg. He Tian can’t help himself so he takes it into his own causing the other to perk up, looking down then up quickly as if he almost got hit by a car. 

 

“Is this okay?” He questions carefully. Guanshan doesn’t speak for a moment, only stares into eyes that are begging for him not to let go.

 

“Sure.” He replies shakily, looking away trying to hide his blush. The only time he remembers holding hands with someone was this girl in elementary who did it on a dare. She did it for ten seconds then screamed how gross he was when she ran back to her friends. Now, someone is actually holding his hand because they want to. It’s a romantic gesture and Guanshan isn’t sure how to handle it. 

 

As they get closer to Guanshan’s home, they begin to approach a gentleman. Quickly, Mo releases He Tian’s hand so the other man doesn’t see them. He knows how people can be and he doesn’t want to hear it. He can already tell that He Tian is upset but he doesn’t say anything towards it. Once the man passes them, Guanshan speaks up. 

 

“Sorry.” He mumbles. “I just-”

 

“I get it.” He Tian says quietly. “I’m not going to force you to put me on display. Take your time with this whole coming out thing. No one has to know right away. Just as long as eventually I get to take you out and show you off.” He ends his sentence with a witty smile which comes off a bit contagious. Still, they don’t hold hands again.

 

“Thank you.”

 

The two stop in front of the apartment complex, pausing before parting from each other. He Tian gives a light smirk, keeping his hands in his pocket to help control himself. Guanshan doesn’t know what to do in this situation. Does he hug him or simply just wave him off like he used to? Still, he doesn’t want him to go. There is a question gnawing at him he just doesn’t know how to ask it.

 

“Well, I guess I’ll call you later.” He Tian is the first to speak.

 

“Actually,” Guanshan blurts out. His heart is going a mile a minute. “Could you stay for dinner? I uh… I want you there to help me.”

 

“Help you?” He Tian wonders aloud.

 

Guanshan takes a deep breath in through his nose. “I want to tell my mom about us but I don’t want to so it alone.” He Tian seems to beam. “I know she will probably be cool with it but I could really use you for the support. I’ve never done this before and-”

 

“I’d be thrilled to be there for you when you tell auntie.” He Tian practically cheers. This is faster movement than he expected; it’s healthy, it’s exciting. There is nothing that would make him happier right now. 

 

He Tian follows Guanshan into his apartment, his mother at the counter already preparing dinner. She greets them with a smile. 

 

“Hello boys.” She says. “He Tian are you joining us for dinner tonight?” 

 

“If that’s alright.” He offers first. He doesn’t want to appear to be imposing.

 

“Of course it is,” she scoffs. He should know by now he is always welcome in this home. “Oh and Guanshan, I want you to know you’re father left shortly after you did. Please don’t worry too much about what we told you.”

 

Guanshan swallows spit. “Okay mom.” He really doesn’t want to talk about his dad right now. “We’ll be in my room until dinner is done.”

 

“Okay, sweetie.”

 

Mo does his best to escape without being too obvious. He feels like his mother already knows somehow. He feels like everyone knows somehow. It’s a good possibility that Kuai Hua is going to tell people that him and He Tian are fooling around. Why wouldn’t she do such a thing?

He Tian leans against the computer desk, looking across at Guanshan on the best who seems to be having an existential crisis. It’s hard to watch him deal with something so new and scary to him. This may be one of the harder things he’s dealt with. This poor boy has too many things to worry about. He Tian kneels down in front of Guanshan, hands resting gently on his knees as he looks up at that face.

 

“Listen to me.” He Tian says. “Coming out is hard. Not everyone deserves for you to tell them either. Your mother though? She will understand better than anyone you know and love you more than you know for it. This is the one person you don’t have to fear.”

 

“I know.” He sighs. “I just don’t know how to handle any of this. I’m scared of so many things.”

 

“Tell me about it.” He Tian offers as he sits besides Guanshan on the bed. 

 

“I’m afraid of what everyone will think of me.” He admits. “I’m afraid of how my reputation will change because it’s a guy I’m with. I’m afraid of how to even act around you. I’m scared to be touched because I don’t know how to react to it. Kissing you is some fucking scary shit and I don’t want it to be.”

 

He Tian gives a quick look to Guanshan’s lips. “We’ll take that slow.” He says looking back up to those eyes.

 

The redhead gulps. He knows that look. He Tian wants to kiss him and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to try it out again. Now he could without having to worry about Kuai Hua being in the way.

 

“I’ll try my best to behave.” He Tian chuckles. Guanshan doesn’t know what it is about the respect that gets him going but it makes him do things he shouldn’t. Anytime He Tian does his best to allow boundaries it makes Momo want to break them down.

 

“Um,” he thinks, “maybe you could… you know…”

 

It doesn’t take much. Tian leans in slowly but he connects them at the mouth, pressing into a longer peck and then he parts. Guanshan seems breathless from it as if that was their first kiss instead of any of the other ones they have shared. Without realizing it, he brought his face forward, silently asking for me. He Tian doesn’t deny another him, giving another peck. He won’t escalate to tongue knowing how nervous that makes the other.

 

“Now is that so scary?” He whispers, touching their foreheads together. Guanshan gives a bashful smile.

 

“No.”

 

He Tian reaches up to caress his boyfriend’s face. “Kissing you drives me crazy.” He sighs happily. 

 

“Alright,” Guanshan chuckles, pushing the other away, “don’t get dorky on me.”

  
  


                                                                                                                                                                                                     ~

 

God bless He Tian, really. He is talking about his grades and classes with Guanshan’s mother, not bringing up the subject that needs to be brought up. He is leaving that to Momo. It’s nice of him to help push it back as much he can. He Tian is really a good guy sometimes. 

 

“Guanshan is something on your mind?” His mother asks seeming concerned. He hasn’t really spoken to her since he got home. “Is it about your father?”

 

“No, no.” He shakes his head. “It’s not that.”

 

“Well what is it?” She asks, reaching out to touch his hand. “Come on, you can tell me anything.”

 

Guanshan feels like he is sighing too much tonight. This will definitely be one of the harder nights he will have to deal with. He doesn’t even want to think about what will happen if and when his dad finds out. 

 

“Mom,” He says shakily, “He Tian and I… we’re uh, we’re dating mom.”

 

Her eyes widen slightly and she sits up a little bit straighter, her hand releasing his. That isn’t exactly what she expected to hear. “Oh,” she says, “when did that happen?”

 

Guanshan shifts his eyes over to He Tian. He grabs his hand under the table hoping that will give Guanshan the courage to keep going. 

 

“Today, kind of, I guess.”

 

“Today, kind of, you guess?” She asks with a light laugh in her tone. “Okay. Well that’s wonderful sweetheart.”

 

He looks up at her expecting her to say more but no. That’s all she has to say? “It’s wonderful?” He repeats.

 

“Well, yes.” She smiles at the two of them. “Guanshan, trust me, I expected this to happen for quite sometime now.”

 

Mo looks at her even more confused. “You did?” 

 

Even He Tian is a bit shocked. He knew auntie would fully understand this and accept it but for her to know it was coming? Yeah that is quite unexpected. 

 

“I am your mother.” She points out. “I know you better than anyone. You two are almost always together, you act so different around him than your other friends and you talk about him a lot when he’s not around.”

 

“You do?” He Tian asks Guanshan. He can’t help the prideful grin on his face. 

 

“I don’t!” He yells, embarrassed making the other two laugh. 

 

“Oh but boys, now that you are in fact dating, I have a bit of ground rules.” She mentions. “Sleepovers; He Tian can no longer sleep in your room. He has to be on the couch.”

 

“Not a problem auntie.” He Tian easily agrees.

 

“And when it comes to you being over at He Tian’s, Guanshan,” she continues, “no sleepovers for a little while. Not forever but, just for now. Two teenagers alone in an apartment overnight is a recipe for trouble.” 

 

Guanshan doesn’t like this. It’s getting too embarrassing, they’re getting on subjects that even they haven’t discussed yet. 

 

“Mom, please.” He pleads but He Tian finds it rather funny. He isn’t shy about this kind of thing and he understands a mother being a bit protective. 

 

“I’m just letting you both know.” She clarifies. “Also, when you do decide to become sexually active-”

 

“Mom! Oh my God…” All Guanshan wants to do right now is crawl into a hole and never come back out. He Tian can’t help but laugh at his boyfriend’s expense. “Not there at all, not even a little, please don’t ever say those words again.”

 

“I was only going to tell you to be safe and use protection.” 

 

Guanshan is hiding his face in his arms with a beet red face. “Mom, seriously, please stop.”

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop.” She gives in. 

 

He Tian reaches over to the redhead, rubbing the poor boy’s back. That was too much all at once. He can’t handle embarrassment anyway, and talking about sex is going to be very hard for him even if it is only lightly mentioned.

 

The three of them clean up together, making it a much easier process. Guanshan likes how He Tian has always been happy to stay and help out. Now he thinks it’s just so he could stay with him just a little bit longer. He wonders what else He Tian does just so he can be in his company. 

 

Guanshan’s mother is washing the dishes, and as He Tian is wiping down the counters he thinks it’s a good time to ask something of her.

 

“Hey, mom?” He says.

 

“What is it, honey?”

 

“Do you think it would be okay that maybe you didn’t tell dad about He Tian and I?” He asks causing his mother to stop what she is doing just to look at him. She looks almost offended. 

 

“Baby, listen to me.” She says a bit sternly. “I would never tell your father something that is your business and your business alone. I know he wouldn’t understand this so it is on your terms when he finds out.” 

 

He can’t help it. Guanshan hugs his mom tightly, close to ready to sob. “Thank you, mom.” 

  
  


                                                                                                                                                                                              ~

 

He Tian left not too long after they finished cleaning up. Guanshan was surprised he didn’t stay longer but he said he has homework he needs to do and can’t get distracted by something so wonderful. Those were is exact words which Guanshan found idiotic and unneeded. If He Tian had homework to do that’s all he had to say. No need to add on the romantic crap. 

Guanshan finished his own homework not too long ago so now he sits on his bed playing video games on his handheld. He assumes he shouldn’t disrupt He Tian if he is as distracting as previously said. Thinking about that makes him roll his eyes. Him distracting. What bullshit. There is no way he could be on He Tian’s mind at all times. He still doesn’t believe he is that special. 

The redhead’s phone dings, alerting him that he has a text message. He puts the game down to look at his phone finding He Tian’s name on the screen.

 

 **HE:** _How’s my boyfriend doing?_

 

Guanshan rolls his eyes once more. He keeps using that word.

 

_ You really like calling me that, don’t you?  _ He writes back.

 

_ Well you’re my boyfriend. ;) How is that not fun to say? _

 

Guanshan chuckles. He bites his nail trying to think of what to say back.

 

_ You’re fucking corny. _

 

Even if they’re dating now, it’s hard for Guanshan to open up and flirt. He knows that’s what He Tian is doing and yet it’s still so unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

 

_ You know what you are? _ He Tian asks. Guanshan almost doesn’t want to know the answer.

 

_ What am I?  _ He asks back. Is this proper flirting?

 

_ You’re fucking sexy.  _

 

As Guanshan reads this, he turns bright red. He thinks back to the conversation at dinner and feels even more embarrassed. Images start popping into his head again of things he isn’t sure he is ready to think of.

 

_ That’s not true. Don’t say stupid shit. _

 

_ I’m not lying.  _ He Tian sends.  _ I’m serious. You make me feel like a fool. I swear, I’m head over heels. _

 

Guanshan feels a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. They only started dating yet they have been close for so long that it almost feels like they finally get to feel head over heels.

 

_ Can I say something?  _ Guanshan asks.

 

_ Anything. _

 

_ I’m sorry about my mom with all that talk about you know what.  _ He writes.  _ I don’t think that’s something we needed to hear. _

 

Guanshan watches the bubble in the corner waiting for a rely. He wonders why he gets so invested in their conversations. He doesn’t need to be.

 

_ No I certainly didn’t need to hear it.  _ He Tian says.  _ I’m very safe sexually. I will always wear a condom.  _

 

Damn Guanshan’s easily triggered shyness. He doesn’t like the feeling of his face getting hot and he doesn’t need these images of him and He Tian in his head.

 

_ Fuck you.  _ He replies, unable to come up with something better for now he is distracted.

 

_ What?  _ He Tian asks.  _ You don’t want me to wear a condom? I mean that’s okay too if that’s the way you prefer it. _

 

_ Could you quit it?  _ Mo angrily requests.  _ You’re freaking me out. _

 

_ Could I ask you something? _

 

The redhead doesn’t really want to answer any questions right now but he gives in. His curiosity is defeating his shyness right now. He wishes it wouldn’t though. He doesn’t think he can handle something as much as the topic of sex. Yes he’s a virgin but that’s only part of the issue.

 

_ Sure. _

 

Waiting for the reply is a bit frightening. He has no idea what the question is going to be which means he will have no idea how to answer it. He isn’t prepared. When his phone dings with a message he feels shaky when he goes to read it.

 

_ What is it about being intimate with me that scares you? _

 

Oh this is easy to answer.  _ Everything. _

 

_ Do you mind if I call you? _

 

Guanshan doesn’t mind He Tian calling but he knows this isn’t going to be an easy conversation for him. When his phone rings he doesn’t pick it up right away. He watches it ring for a bit and then answers. He is afraid of what He Tian is going to say.

 

“Hey.” Tian says very gently. “I need you to know that there is no rush for us to have sex or do anything intimate. If you’re uncomfortable kissing me, you don’t have to. If you think holding my hand is too much at the time you don’t have to hold my hand. I want you to feel comfortable with me, not rushed. But I need you to forgive me if I’m a little forward. I’m very attracted to you and I want you to know.”

 

Just like that, Guanshan feels so much more comfortable. “It’s funny. The more you’re slow and the more you’re respectful, the more comfortable I feel with you.”

 

“That means a lot to me to hear.” He Tian smiles into the phone. He cares about how Guanshan feels. 

 

“I wish I wasn’t so shy.” Mo admits. “I don’t know what came over me last night when I kissed you but now I just feel like I need to be really careful. I feel like now that I’m here I shouldn’t make anymore steps forward.”

 

“This is hard for you.” He Tian explains. “It’s normal and it’s going to take time. I’m not going to push you though. When you’re ready to start being intimate, that is your leap to take.”

 

“It means a lot to me that you’re being so respectful,” Guanshan shares. “I don’t know, this is all so new, so I don’t really know what we should do.”

 

“How about this,” He Tian says. “Since this is so new, why don’t we go on a date. An official date. No one has to know about it, it can be private but we can go out together for some fun.”

 

Guanshan smiles at that. Now that is a nice thing to think about. “Yeah, I’d like that.”


End file.
